• entries
  • comments
  • views

About this blog

This is a blog about real life for real people.  As long as those people are Komodo Dragons.  Humans are allowed to read these entries as well, but they most probably wouldn't understand with their silly mammal brains.  

Entries in this blog


The Lizard is Sick

Straight from those lizardy fingertips.

Super congested and mouth super dry.  I've been drinking all day.  Not the fun kind  ugh.  Eff you human born illnesses.

I think I got the girl I' started dating last month sick.  Sorry girl I started dating.  I just really wanted to make out with you and didn't care that there was a tickle in my throat.  I said I was sorry, for th record.  

Don't feel like sleeping because I'm congested so decided to come on here and waste some time.  Tired but can't sleep.  At least it's the weekend.

Also feeling sad because I feel like I'm a terrible employee at my job.  I come to work 10 minutes late on a regular basis.  They don't say anything, but they notice.  

I'm not really an above average employee in terms of productivity, though I am a responsible one (except for the lateness) and I learn quickly.  

Super happy about having a gf but sad because I'm sick and we can't hang out right now.  

That's all I've got to say tonight, I guess.  




The Lizard is Relaxing

That's what I'm doing RIGHT now.  Listened to Tool for what I think is the first time.  Which seems wrong.  I must have tried listening a long time ago and just didn't like it for some reason. 

I bought this new board game called Monarch.  It's where you play a princess (or prince, I suppose, but the directions specify the characters as female) who's competing with her siblings to succeed the throne of an imaginary kingdom.  It took about twenty minutes or so to figure out the game.  I haven't actually played it yet.  I might post again to report how that goes when I try try it.  

Other than that it's been a lazy day.  Had fun eating on thanksgiving but there was a bit too much football watching for my taste.  Brother visiting for the weekend.  I also bought the Dungeons and Dragons starter back.  I might take a look at that later after I got to the gym.

I plan on watching another episode of Westworld today.  I saw the first one earlier this week, it seems like a good show!


The Lizard Likes to Party

Apparently.   The latest blog from those lizardy fingertips.

I literally just got home after going to a night club for the first time.  There is a backgound noise to my life right now.  It's something between a ring and a hum.  I suspect I've lost some range frequency in my hearing.  

But the good news is, I had fun!  I asked like ten girls if they wanted to dance with me and they all said no.  But I wasn't discouraged!  I was just so proud of myself for approaching that many women in such a short period of time! I feel really happy with myself right now on that front.  And even better news, I DID end up dancing with this really drunk girl, but she asked me to dance.  HAHA!  

I'm still kind of reeling from this experience but I'm just really feel like I took a big step tonight.  I'm also SLIGHTLY drunk so that is also adding to my lack of articulation.  Just wanted to share my emotion with anyone who cares to read.  


The Lizard Relieved Himself

The latest blog from those lizardy fingertips.

And yes.   Yes I did, just before writing this.  I knew the Komodo Dragon audience would want to know (which I'm assuming is 99.9 percent of you).  Unfortunately, the human's haven't figured out away to upload scents via internet, so you can't tell what I've had for dinner.  So I'll tell you:  Vegetarian hotdogs (i.e., fake hotogs).  

I did the usual waking up and working today.  Oh, and I was on the Okcupid and sent a cute girl who was wearing a Link costume in her photo a message.  I told her her costume was cute and asked her questions about her stated interests in her profile.  She just to only acknowledge the comment on the costume. She made it herself! I replied back with a follow up question: Did she made a sword and shield for it as well?  No response yet as I type this.  My lizard brain tells me that it's likely she responded in a drunken stupor and won't message me back again.  I'm not sure if that's because I think she's out of my league deep down inside, or if I just think that she thinks she's out of my league.  Or maybe my obviously superior intellect intimidates her?  Thanks for the affirmation of self-worth OkCupid!  xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I guess I fell off the "one blog per day" wagon, eh? I'm sorry, I should be more diligent about letting my fellow Komodo Dragons know how I'm doing in this human's world.  

So what's new?  Um....not much.  I joined a new MeetUp group.  I'm going to have a week off next week - that's always nice.  

I'm glad I decided to write this tonight, it's made me feel a little better.  I hope anyone reading this feels a little better too.  Good night from those lizardy fingertips.  


The latest blog entry straight from those lizardy finger tips

And yes.  Yes I do smell like grass.  I did a human activity called "mowing the lawn."  Human's grow grass on their lawn.  And then they cut it.  I'm not 100 percent sure if the grass in intentionally grown, because why would you spend time mowing the lawn only to cut it over and over again?  At the same time, it seems intentional because the humans WATER the lawn to keep it thriving and used chemicals to keep weeds from attacking the lawn grass.  

I wonder if it is some kind of religious activity.  Perhaps humans worship lawns?  I recall once I stepped on a lawn and was told not to.  When I asked why, they said that it was forbidden (more or less).  Perhaps lawns are holy?  This would make sense.  Perhaps humans trim and take care of the lawn, sort of like grooming it, and in return the lawn blesses them with good fortune and many strong sons.  Feel free to post enlightening comments if you are human.

I slept rather late today, and therefore don't have much more to report.  I'm contemplating eating some ice cream, if I can find it.  I may get a Netflix account after I publish this post.  Anyone got shows they wanna suggest?  Televisions shows are a great way to learn about human culture, I find.  I find Game of Thrones especially enlightening.  It's definitley informed my understanding of the current election year, which was confusing at first, I admit.  When I'd watch a debate and see that no debate was actually taking place, I was confused.  Now I realize that both opponents are locked in a vicious deathmatch and need the other to die in order to succeed, and care nothing about the innocents who get in their path to power.  I just don't understand how the inheritance laws work, since neither Clinton nor Trump are related to Obama, to my knowledge.  Perhaps they are all distant cousins?  If anyone has any information on that, please comment!  


The Third Lizard Report

The latest blog entry straight from those lizardy finger tips.  

The lizard played more games today.  That has been a theme in my life for the past few weeks.  I am going to weekly and bi weekly tabletop gaming sessions.  I feel like most of you lizards don't have the dexterity to play such games, and therefore wouldn't be interested in them, but tell me if I'm wrong.  

The search for a human mate goes on.  I guess I should talk about my feelings on bestiality.  Most Komodo Dragons would find it disgusting to mate with a human.  Unnatural abomination, some would say.  Yet, why would I, Lano, respected member of the Komodian legal community, openly admit that I pursue such relationships?  There are two extremely good reasons why I forsake all rules of decorum, propriety, and purity for this pursuit:  Breasts.

Yes.  Human females, like all mammals, have large mammary glands designed to offer young nutrition in their early years. But they are special.  If you don't believe me, I suggest you go onto a google search engine and type it "boobs" and see for yourself.  I would go more into it, but really is one of those "had to be there" kind of things.  The Komodian bar association hasn't sent me a letter revoking my license yet, so I figure some people in the organization know what I'm talking about it.  As the human proverb goes, "Bow chicka wow wow."  I think it means, "breasts are good."

Another thing on my lizard brain is...do I want to make this a daily blog?  I feel like I enjoy it enough so far to at least write a little something everyday.  Two concerns that go with that are whether I'll have things to say everyday.  Sometimes I just don't know what I should report.  The other thing is whether this site is going to continue to exist and I'll just lose this beautiful blog forever.  I guess I should add the additional concern that few, if anyone, is reading this, though that honestly matters less to me.  If this blog is for anyone, it is for myself, and perhaps the random internet searcher who has reached the bottom of the internet bucket and decides, "what the hell."

So I'll close out this post by saying I plan on keeping things weird with this and hope random people might get a kick out of reading a blog post or two.  


The Lizard Plays a Game

Weeeeewonnnnnggggggg everyone.  That is, of course, Komodo Dragon for, "I wish you the greatest evening that has ever existed, and may your scales remain shiny and the sun warm your blood, and the rodents you devour whole wriggle pleasantly in your gullet in their death throes.  

In any event, I played a game today.  Dungeons and Dragons.  It's a roleplaying game where humans gather and pretend they are things that they are not.  So in that sense it is just an extension of their normal everyday lives.  

The game basically involves a preset scenario and has certain rules for players and what can or cannot occur in the game.  One player, called a DM, "runs" the game: He's the main narrator of events and decides what players can or cannot do in various situations, and also informs the players of the consequences of their actions.  Players pick characters to play, stats being chosen with a degree of randomness and a degree of intention.  In any event, the players proceed to get themselves into the set scenario and the dm guides them a long.  

My player is a psychic named Krath.  Though the other players just call me "the spellcaster" because a psychic basically functions as a special kind of wizard in this version of dnd (Dungeons and Dragons abbreviated).  We have another spell caster type, but she's a witch, so they call her "the witch."  

The game was pretty fun.  I'd write more but I'm currently quite tired and I have to get up early for a hike tomorrow.  So...goodnight all, and Weeeeewonnnnnggggggg.



If you're reading this, you're probably one of the many Komodo Dragons that can read and write in English.  I congratulate you.  Welcome to my blog.  In it, I suspect I will write about many lizardy things, and possibly things related to dragons, the Komodo variety, but not the other kind, of which we shall not speak lest they return.  On to the first post then, yes?

Today began like any other.  I awoke from my lizard bed and waited until the last possible moment to wake up and cleansed my scales so I could go to work.  I intentionally used the bad smelling deodorant because I know it makes everyone at work think I haven't showered.  This amuses me.  The wrinkled noses and look-exchanges are priceless.  

I was required to lift many heavy boxes at work, which is unusual, because I typically spend most of my day typing.  That alone is practically impossible with a set of razor sharp claws.  (Your praise on that point would be appreciated).  But gripping and lifting 60 lb boxes is pretty hard when your limbs aren't desired for lifting.  (Your praise on that point would also be appreciated).

I worked alone for the most part.  The new girl is constantly nagging at me for advice on how to do her job.  She's smart but she doesn't know anything and it's annoying and NO she's not a possible love interest in the movie of my life because she's married and not my type anyway.  Ugh, your lizard brains go straight to sex, don't they?  Of course they do.  

So, I spent most of the day working and thinking about what a fantastic employee I am.  It was nice but tiring.  I wish more Komodo Dragons worked there, more would get done.  I mean, we had one for a while, but he was sort of a d-bag.  It was sad what happened to him though, he committed suicide.  He bit himself in the neck three times and then threw himself in the lake.  I was aghast when I heard.  Aghast. And surprised because I had no prior knowledge of it.  As I explained to everyone in the room when I heard and then explained to everyone with whom I spoke about it afterwards.  I said how sad I was and how surprised.  It was so surprising and sad.  (Condolences appreciated because of how sad I still am).

After work I came home and read for a bit and then had my now ritual ME time where I do ME things alone with MYSELF.  I'm sure I'll never include details about the ME things in this blog, but I may decide to report how they go.  Today they went about average.  

I browsed the okcupid and wondered why I don't ever see Komodo Dragon faces on their.  Or if I would want to see such, as Komodo Dragons are not as attractive as human females.  I have confusing and conflicting feelings on that.  I'm a bit exhausted by the site, having sent over 20 messages over the past couple of weeks without getting any responses.  I've never been good at meeting human people.  When I do, it's the wrong person at the wrong time.  Or the right person at the right time?  Or maybe the wrong person in the right place?  Human idioms can be very confusing.  #KomodoDragonProblems 

That brings us more or less to here.  I think I might go the gym, though I have to hurry because they will close soon.  I just want to walk on the treadmill apparatus.  It is a device that humans use to walk.  It is truly amazing.  One pays thousands of dollars so they can walk at their own pace for as long as they wish.  #HumanIngenuity

Those are my Lizardy thoughts for the moment, such as they are.  Thank you for taking this ride with me, if you were inclined to do so.  If you weren't, then you're not reading this right now.  Either way, I hope you'll join me again soon.