Something that I have never really understood, especially considering I’m a minister, is grief. I have never really felt grief, never experienced it. I still have all my parents, and grandparents, and I even still have a great grandmother. In all my life, I have only ever lost one friend to the cold grip of death, and even then, I hadn’t spoken to him in years (not uncommon for us) so that loss was blunted.
Now, I have just learned that a friend of mine, from work, has passed away from cancer. This is raw. The cancer had come on suddenly. Though, the last I had heard, the treatment was going well. Then last night he passed away in his sleep.
I am feeling deeply sad, almost as though I was in the throes of depression again, yet it isn’t quite the same. I assume that this is the grief. Because it feels so similar to depression, I’m going to work through it in the same way. Try to distract, and be mindful of what I am feeling.
I’m also feeling disoriented, and dizzy, almost like my body is floating. I’m writing this, in a hope to stay grounded, and not get lost in the depressive feelings; warding off the cold with some mint tea. I can’t believe that he is gone.
I can still see him working away at the kitchen counter, making us all a meal. Though he has been gone fighting the cancer for a few months, it was as though he was there yesterday, laughing, and joking.
He was a good man. A great man. He never judged anyone, and was accepting of anyone, at any time. He could always bring us up when we were down. He was quick with a joke, and was able to deflect trouble with only a few words.
He will be greatly missed. Good Bye.