Death is a natural part of life. I think we all understand that. However it doesn't make it any easier when it happens. When you love someone or something such as an animal. They become part of your life, your companion, your friend, and when they pass you feel lost, empty, alone. It's times like this when family and friends really show themselves. These people will do everything you can to make you feel better. Even aquaintences will do what they can. Just to help you feel better, with kinds words and support.
now in my case family over the years minus of course having kids has really become something important for me. I grew up in a military family, trav.ing around the country and rarely seeing my family and when we did it was a week long vacation to Boston. So splitting our time between all the family was tough.
i remember the first person who died in my family. It was my great grandmother. For years she had struggled with dimensha. I remember a time when we went home to see them. And it seemed to be a good conversation with her (she was having a good day. So my Grandma Wanda starts asking my sister and I what we wanted to do when we grow up. My sister says a Vet, I tell her I want to be a solder like my father. We change topics and her dimensha starts to kick in. She asks me again, I repeat my answer, she asks again, I say the same thing. So shortly before we leave she asked me again, and I told her. Grandma I would like be a proctologist. My parents start laughing. She never asked me again. I just blurted out an answer I had no idea. So we say our goodbyes and we get tin the car. My mother looks back and me and goes Ryan... Do you know what a proctologist so is? I was like no but she kept asking me so I just said something. My mom replays. "Ryan a proctologist is a butt Doctor". Yep... That's right I told my Great grandmother I was going to be a butt Doctor. Good times.
The next was the loss of my new born 05. Not really much to say about this. He was born 15 weeks early, my x wife was told she could fly. So she went home on vacation while I was on TDY getting ready to deploy to Iraq. Well she shouldn't have. She went into labor 3 days later. So on August 27th my son John Anthony was born named after our fathers. He died 13 days later in my arms, the only time I got to hold him. I was 21 at the time. The nurse was heart broken, he dropped to his knees and just started crying. He was the dedicated nurse to my son, and did everything he could. But my lil mans lungs where just not strong enough. I never got to express my emissions for this. I was a soldier, getting ready to deploy to Iraq, my young wife needed my strength and we had a 1 year old daughter to take care of. But I have a tatto on my right chest that I see every morning so I never forget him. He was buried in Arlington Cemetary and when I pass on, he will be dug up and I placed under neath him, once again resting on me.
since then, I've lost two aunts, a few friends in the wars. Death is never easy. It hurts. We want them back, we always question if the was something we should have said. But the ones we love wouldn't want us to morn them. But celebrate their life, our love, their friendship. They wouldn't want us to stop what we are doing and fall apart, but continue to live and love and push on. Its hard! It's not something that you just flip a switch and say " Okay I'm done greeving". Greeving is okay. It's healthy, if your greeving, reach out to your friends, your family, talk with them, laugh with them. Remember the good times of the one you lost. It will get better. I promise you all!!! It will get better!