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About *Em[[iLy]]*

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday 12/24/1990

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    Music, Cooking, Baking, and pretty much anything outdoors

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  1. Me (25/f) and my SO (26/m) have been together for 8 months now. During these 8 months, I have found him on single hookup websites. He swears that he loves me and he won't do it again after every time I have found him doing this. After finally looking on his phones history, I found over 10 websites he has profiles on and conversations I wish I could unsee. This is now the 4th time I have found him doing this. I am left again, hurt and upset. He wants us to work out but I am honestly thinking about ending it. I asked him why he does it and he has no answer for me. He just says "I don't know why. I F***** up, I'm sorry" I am so tired of hearing I'm sorry, it doesn't fix anything. He has told me all of his relationships only last a little shy of a year long and he has never been the one to end them. So this relationship seems to be going right along his track record. I want things to work out, but I don't think I can trust him. I don't know if he has ever hooked up with anyone while we were together. He claims he's never cheated... I don't trust he would give me the honest truth on that. We have a lot in common and for once everyone in my life loves the guy I'm with. I have invested a lot of time becoming close with his family and friends so that makes this decision that much harder. Other than his loyalty, we have no other problems just a few normal disagreements here and there. I don't feel sexually secure in our relationship due to all of this. I am just so lost on if I should give him one last chance to make it right or walk away. I don't know how trust can be gained at this point and I am broken/torn. I feel stupid for trusting him again. We were planning on moving in together at the end of my lease which is in November, our 11 month mark. But I don't even know if I want to do that now. I love him but at this point I'm not falling in love with him anymore. He has burned me and I can forgive him but I'll never forget it. I told him I needed some time to think things over because I didn't want to make a decision out of anger. Of course, the main answer going through my head is to just let him go because he is obviously claiming to be single and talking to others. But then he cries to me and tells me how much he wants me in his life forever and will do anything to make this right. * What do I do? * How can I take a step back from this? Advice please!!!?
  2. I thought i had everything figured out. i would have a career, got a degree, have an amazing man in my life, with the start of a small family.. But i have dropped out of college because I couldn't figure out what degree i wanted. I can't make up my mind. I don't know how to be successful enough in this big world, there will always be someone better than i. I am just living day by day, working as much as possible a small waitress job that barely gets me by. Ive researched what I thought I've wanted to do for my future, but i can never settle with something. My life is a big mess. I don't have parents to turn to ask advice. I'm just doing this all on my own, scared shitless. My 25th birthday is coming up in a few short weeks.. and all i can think of is how life is literally slipping through my hands and i don't know what to do about it. I feel lost without a cause in this world. Im depressed on most days but hide behind a smile.. I don't have much in this life. I don't know what to do???
  3. I feel like I was born in the wrong era. People love differently now, I don't even know that I would call it love. I am 24 and have thought I found the one in my lifetime already, but he turned out to be nothing but a cheater. Men have come and gone out of my life and I am starting to believe I'm meant to be alone. It is such a sad feeling. No one loves me... Im not wanted in this life. Friends are getting engaged, having kids.. having careers... and I'm over here with my cat watching the new episode of arrow every week and working 40 hours a week because I don't know what I'm doing with life. I feel like thats where I lack life. I never had parents to teach me and build me up to the point of adulthood... Ive been on my own, getting bounced around from grandparents house and other family. Everyone looked at me as a child that needed sheltered from everything out in the world. Now with my grandparents being gone, I have no lead in life. I have no advice to be got.. Its just me out in this huge world and I don't know what I'm doing, honestly. I struggle to pay bills and rent. I am lost on what to do. I thought life would be together by now. I work hard, day in and day out. And I practice to be the best person I can be on a daily basis. Everyone in life has left me stranded and men keep doing the same thing... whats the point. Im lonely and sad behind closed doors but in the public eye, and friends i am the light. I always have a smile on and cheerful attitude. I get home exhausted, because its hard doing this everyday. What am I doing?
  4. I met this guy in November and he kept coming into my work because he knew my boss. He would be very friendly, almost seemed flirty... I just got out of a really hard relationship a month before then so i kinda ignored him. Finally he gave me his number and we have been talking non stop since. We hang out all the time and its always a great time. I stay at his house all the time because we live in different cities (1 hour away) . He's 30, I'm 25 so theres a small age gap.. He just friend zoned me this past week because he said the feelings simply are not there. I have such strong feelings for him, and i don't understand it. I see how he is around me and nothing has really changed so i don't see where the feelings are absent. he still calls me over and makes time to go to dinner, ect. We don't fight, never had a disagreement. He said its not my fault but i can't help but feel like it somehow is. He still continues to hang out with me, text me everyday, ect.. I figured we would of stopped talking once i moved but he still made the effort to make sure we seen each other. When Im upset he's always there to talk. He wants me to open up to him and I have been. So i just don't understand. He still wants to continue to be friends but anytime I say anything about feelings he ignores it or apologizes. . He has talked to me about his last girlfriend which was over 6 years ago. She cheated on him after he gave her everything he could. He said it hurt him pretty badly and hasn't been in a relationship since. I feel for him because I understand that, I barely wanted to talk to him after getting out of the relationship i was in. Apart of me doesn't want to trust guys. Normally I see red flags long before now but he is giving me none. Except for the fact that he says he has no feelings. I feel like actions speak louder than words in this situation. He still cares for me and wants to cuddle and I'm still the only female he's talking to in his life right now. I find myself wanting to tell him I love him or call him baby. but I never do because I'm scared. he probably thinks I'm weird for continuing to like him after he told me he has no feelings. /: After my last relationship I felt numb to all feelings. I just felt like i was walking around like a zombie. I went into this friendship as only it being a friendship but then the more we started hanging out the more I fell for him then we ended up sleeping together and have been doing this for 5 months now. Someone please give me some advice! I don't know what it is i need to do. I don't know if i should just cut ties and walk away or hold onto that hope that he's just scared of his feelings.
  5. Ive been having a lot of pop ups as aof lately and I was wondering what would be the best way to clean it up!? I use my laptop all the time to dj and record music so I fear of any virus getting on it because I might lose my work. any suggestions anyone?
  6. Pros and cons? Ive been considering it for quite sometime now but am kinda scared about going somewhere by myself but then again, i really don't have anything going for me here now. So if I go and do this then maybe I will be able to come back and be successful relocated elsewhere. I'm just trying to figure out life at the moment and wanna know the pros and cons. Thanks (: (:
  7. and we are happy.. its just hard seeing all of our friends that get to plan pretty weddings, getting engaged, and have awesome rings and stuff and then we dont do anything like that. I love him and i dont see myself with anyone else. I guess Im just wishing that he would surprise me with something that shows how much I mean to him or how much he loves me.. I feel like we just live with each other and sometimes go out on a date, its all kind of bland.. but thats really it. Idk maybe Im just expecting it to happen sooner than it should and I just need to let it be. I dont hound him on the topic or really push him either, I just like talking to him about it.. Its nice sitting around and talking about future plans. I just dont want to wait too long cuz this is the time of our life we can really be going places..
  8. Should I be concerned? We have our ups and downs like every relationship does. We have our disagreements and had a little bit of dishonesty in the relationship but nothing has separated us. I love him more than anything in this world but it kinda strikes me funny that he's never gotten me a promise ring, necklace, anything of the sorts and when I ask him about marriage in his future he says he doesn't think about it, he doesn't see the point. I don't know how to really handle this situation seeing that we've been together for so long and he's never even considered making me officially his. Any insight?
  9. I am currently trying to get a job worth my time. I currently work at a $7.25 a Hr job and put in well over 40 hours a week and still find it hard to get by and pay all of my bills. I was told the wages are going to be changing soon.. is this a myth or something I really can look forward to?
  10. I have these very small flying ant like bugs in my house. I notice them dead in the kitchen sink and in my light. The problem being is I have no idea how they are getting in. I keep my doors and windows closed. I was having an ant problem in my laundry room but I've taken care of that... How do I rid these small pesky things? I would like to be able to do it as organically as possible because I have cats and I don't want to risk poisoning them. One of my cats actually likes chasing them and eating them (ICK!) (:/)
  11. Me and her are finally fine after we talked.. He was filling her head with lies about me that made her hate me and he was telling me she was trying to split us up which made me dislike her.. Im sure things are going to be sorted out here soon. im taking a week vacation and leaving his ass at home.. I kinda had a really good talk with a therapist about all this and Ive just decided to not let it bother me because thats what hes wanting.. I dont want anyone else so I will continue to show him that, its his choice from there to either take it or leave it.. if he leaves, ya its gonna hurt but then again I can keep working on my degree without the extra added stress and then maybe years down the road love will come again. i just really needed to be sat down and showed how petty this situation really was, i was viewing as pretty much life or death when its not. Im just going to be thankful for the time i have with him now. And hopeful for time together in the future, if not then there must be a different person I was meant to be with
  12. Right? he wants his cake and eat it to i guess. but shes fed up with it and im fed up with it but I dont know what to do.. ive talked to him, letting him know what i feel about it.. he claims to love me and want me in his life forever and shes nothing to him but cant explain why he cant just let go of the past. they werent together nearly as long as me and him has been so its upsetting that hes doing this a second time and i dont want to see history repeating its self. He left me to have a relationship with her, it didnt work out for him (during that time still telling me he missed me) so then he came begging me back. I love him but i dont know how much more i can seriously take of this. I told him I hated to do this but he needs to make a decision and stick with it or im out the door and out of his life for good, no friendship pass what so ever. I guess ill just have to see how this plays out
  13. He hides certain substance abuse and messages to other people when he doesnt need to .. I know he struggles with the abuse of certain pills (he used to be prescribed them and then became addicted) I have been trying to help him get through this.. but when he goes behind my back and talks to other girls and deletes their messages then lies straight to my face about it, it gets quite irritating. I dont hide anything from him, he has been introduced to all my guy friends, he knows he has nothing to worry about. But here lately hes been talking to his ex and she contacted me about it.
  14. I think my BIGGEST pet peeve is compulsive liars.. just don't know how to deal with them.. You want trust? Well honey you can't have trust without honesty. There aren't very many people that I trust in this world and that list gets smaller monthly.. And the one person I want to trust hides things from me. Don't know how to deal with this situation because I doubt he realizes how much it hurts. And I realize that my insecurities are a big part of the problem as well but I can't help that, I'm trying tho. I wouldn't care if he would just be open and honest. Thats what its all about. I hate arguing, bickering, the whole nine yards... I just want to be able to talk (calmly and rationally) to you without any secrets what so ever. I want you to know how I feel completely, in return I want to know how you feel completely. I don't hide a damn thing from you, so why do I deserve to have things held from me? Give me that and I can give you more love than the world, without it there's an end that I really don't want to reach. I don't like the world knowing about my problems but I need advice on this one and leaving him is not an option because thats not how you build strong relationships by throwing them away. This can be worked through but I just don't know how to go about. That is all for my Dr. Phil rant of the day. </3 Feel free to comment below or private message me about times like this you've went through and how you dealt with it. Or just give some advice that could possibly help. And for those whom are worried, this is not about a cheating relationship.