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About Phoenix

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    Midlands, UK
  1. Love is unconditional and must remain unconditional. Spending time together and in close proximity is your biggest test. May you find happiness and joy always..... and regardless of who is in your life
  2. Your choice of thoughts will always control your feelings and what you experience in life. If you carry on focusing on negative aspects of you and your life you will perpetuate a negative self-image that will keep you trapped in a vicious cycle of depression. A very easy and simple exercise (or habit) to get into, is to start each day by listing at least 10 things you are thankful for. Even if it's a simple thing like being thankful for the air you breathe. Really think about the blessings in your life and appreciate them. Also try to imagine how you would like your life to be rather than where it is today. Maintain a good feeling as you think the positive thoughts. This may seem a simple exercise for a condition that has haunted you for a long time but it is a good start. The more you do it, the more you will find yourself gravitating towards a more optimistic outlook on life. You will find your experiences also suddenly reflecting that. Please consider this.... If you are going to stay in bed and avoid people, Why choose to focus on what you hate over and over when you really can (with serious intention) re-train your thoughts into a more positive and creative direction that will serve you in the long-run?
  3. Yes. It would be pointless to let the issue of your height run you down. For most people, personality and good character trumps all physical attributes. I would focus on your strengths and pay no mind to what you consider a short-coming. Good luck!
  4. It's easy to say forget it and move on but I understand it's very difficult when emotions and thoughts are running high. It is perfectly normal to go through the pain, it's expected. Ride the storm... but always bear in mind that This Too Shall pass. As you are sifting through the turmoil consider this.... To find true love you have to feel love for yourself first. Sadly, I couldn't see that in what you wrote. Until you learn to love, care and respect yourself, you will keep bumping up against women who will reflect back to you how you treat yourself on the inside. When you truly love yourself you attract people who will genuinely love you and are more likely to be faithful. Your experiences are carefully orchestrated to guide you to love and honor yourself. That's where God keeps calling you to because that's where you will ultimately find the inner peace and joy you need- whether you are with or without someone. The question is... are you paying attention or are you looking for answers outside of yourself?
  5. Listen to your intuition- which even I can hear screaming "back-off". Besides, its her problem and you owe her nothing. Your humanity can not be questioned when your request for proof is being declined/ignored.
  6. Confusion often arises when you keep asking questions for which you have no answers. Personally, I think that's a pretty good progression from depression, and it often comes with age. Keep asking the questions and keep 'digging' from within. That's where you will find the clarity you seek.
  7. My dad never expressed much love or care towards me, he was always distant. Yet, deep down in my heart I always knew he loved and cared for me. The last time I saw him was when I went to visit him while he was very ill. When my trip was over and I was on my way to catch a flight back, he said to me for the first time ever "It breaks my heart to see you go". That was the first time I heard him express anything so heartfelt towards me. They were also the last words he said to me. His health deteriorated and he died a few weeks later. I am eternally thankful for his last words to me. They are what I chose to remember about him now.
  8. It would help you a lot if you find interesting and amusing ways to distract yourself. Remember, this is really about dealing with your insecurities and your boyfriend should not have to feel responsible for causing you the anxiety. If you make this about him and his effort to make you feel better, the relationship is bound to ultimately fall apart no matter how hard he tries to understand and appease you.
  9. My current favorite song is by Rod Stewart - "Love Is"
  10. You have been engrossed in tremendous pain and upheaval for a very long time. Your brain can not simply switch off from that mountain of negative events that seem to be staring you in the face all day everyday. What's worse is that when you do try and force your brain to switch off and let go, you feel frustrated because it won't work. The cycle continues and you feel worse. You need to work with your mind and with that I mean you need to gradually reduce the momentum of negative thoughts and memories. You know you can not change the past and you would do yourself a disservice in trying to seek restitution or prove someone wrong. So aim to let that go. Please don't lose what should be your primary focus: YOU are whats important and you need to help yourself NOW. This starts with actively participating in distracting yourself when you feel you are getting sucked into the vortex of negative thoughts. This is not about avoiding the thoughts and feeling bad because they surfaced. Instead, its about accepting how you feel and choosing to get busy with something else until the underlying thoughts pass. This is about being kind to yourself and helping yourself at the same time. This process is hard initially but start small- like work on some mini home project and get totally absorbed in it until you sense a shift has occurred in your feelings. The sense of achievement will naturally uplift you too. Practice doing this over and over. The objective is that over time, the momentum of high energy and negative thoughts is replaced by acceptance (as opposed to resistance) of them. In time, as the energy of your negative thoughts subside from your everyday awareness, you will gain a balance in perspective and focus for the future. The beauty of this is that once you get a grip of this process, it is permanent. If possible, try to get away from where you are and immerse yourself into a completely new environment. That will surely help but remember you have to be determined and on purpose to help yourself. I wish you much inner peace.
  11. You can never figure out why people play the games they play. You just have to decide for yourself what YOU want and follow that path. If you no longer wish to be his friend, then its best to ignore it all and more importantly- try not to let it get to you.
  12. I want to provide you with some pointers as your post is primarily about others letting you down or rather not meeting your expectations. I do hope you will find this helpful. There came a major positive turning point in my life when I stopped looking 'outwards' for my inner well-being. It is very possible that life- through the various disappointments you faced- is trying to lead you to start looking inwards to find peace and happiness. I am convinced, life is a series of events (quite often harsh) that are carefully orchestrated to lead to our personal and spiritual growth. Focusing inwards builds your inner understanding and personal confidence, and ultimately brings you freedom from relying on others as a source for your joy. It allows you to accept and allow the fact that everyone is fighting their own battle (which you will rarely get to know/understand fully). When you commit to understanding who you really are and decide to confront the self-defeating negative behaviors, you will then develop an inner strength that will enable you to manage and flow with whatever life brings your way. That self-exploration will also lead you to love and accept yourself unconditionally. With that, you will find yourself easily offering unconditional love, appreciation and acceptance for others. That means you accept and respect others' choices regardless. No one can ever hurt you again. Look inside with total honesty and openness. May be work through your thoughts by writing them. Ask yourself questions like: Have you been in denial about certain people and events? and why? Are you taking things personally (when really you shouldn't)? Have you put unreasonable expectations on yourself and/or others? How can you love and honor yourself more? If you truly desire change, explore yourself, the answers to your well-being are inside you and nowhere else and with nobody else.
  13. People should never allow others to dictate and shape our character and personality, awareness of what's going on is key. At some point in all our lives we will encounter selfishness, betrayal and disappointments etc. however all such experiences should be embraced and utilised for our higher good. They should be considered positive stepping stones to one's own personal development. The seemingly negative way people interact and deal with us, more often than not, exposes our personal weaknesses and areas we should be working on to gain inner strength and develop balance in our perception of others and our interaction with them. Always try to observe and question your reaction to others. Sure that requires a great deal of introspection and self-awareness but the personal investment will pay-off in the long run. Unfortunately the vast majority of people are not prepared to do this simply because its far easier to deal with negative responses by blaming others or by developing one of many other psychological defense mechanisms for the purposes of escapism. In a nutshell, people come in and move out of our lives for a reason and that reason is usually connected to who we are at the time. If you want to find peace, joy and love in this world, its best to accept and allow people to be who they chose to be and without any expectation. Work on your inner self rather than expect others to be anything you want/prefer. Funnily enough, within that resignation, there is usually some almost supernatural shift in your encounters where people suddenly become a match to the new 'inner being' you now reflect. People you meet generally become nicer.
  14. If you have to ask whether you are ready or not, you most probably are not ready. You see, when you are ready , you will feel receptive and at peace to the idea. Moreover, all the necessary conditions (time, finances, psychological readiness etc.) to have a baby will already be in place. I work with dysfunctional families and troubled kids.... and I just wish more people seriously considered their circumstances before having children, or taking on children. Last but not least, Congratulations on your marriage and I hope you have a thoroughly enjoyable and beautiful wedding day.
  15. Strong feelings towards someone can easily over-shadow facts that stare us in the face. We go into denial of Facts- like what people say to us, their behavior and responses towards us (all signs we need to pay more attention to)- to protect us from what goes against the outcome we very much want in any situation. I urge to you to try and put aside your feelings and focus on what is Real and what you deep down as truth in this situation. Once you face the truth, you will find freedom to move on.