That Girl

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About That Girl

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  • Birthday 01/04/1915

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  1. Get over yourself, Sans.
  2. morals and character? What morals and character? They're all lying in bed stroking themselves to the tune of visions of Marilyn Monroe (and in the case of Dr. Ralph - "southern comfort") streaming through their heads. Give me a break! Morals and character? You mean, like, going to battle and bombing innocent civilians and bringing home TONS of opium to manufacture into heroin and addict a nation? You mean, like, Bill Clinton who got a young girl to get down on her knees for him, literally? Give me a break!
  3. Well, you have to realize that you are nothing for sure. We ALL are nothings. In the eyes of some people (like you) some people are OUTSTANDING because of surface things like you mentioned. They are only the surface things. I believe you actually have a very good attitude, actually. Why? Because you are being HONEST. This is not to puff you up in any way. But to get you to realize that we ALL are jealous sometimes of people. NacthoMan is right, unfortunately. Jealousy does have its advantages. It's so good that you can recognize that you're are feeling bitter, jealous, and the trick to not remaining that way is to simply do exactly what you're doing -- recognize when you're feeling bitter and jealous and as NacthOMan says... Let it go, and don't hate yourself for feeling that way. Feelings come and feelings go. They come to... pass! This too shall pass. Honey, we all feel like that from time to time. It's a trap. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. And anyone who has the guts to admit when they're feeling bitter and jealous, probably isn't so bad as all that. You remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Well, you know who won in the end don't you? Yep. You're the tortoise. Don't beat yourself up for being something you have no ability to change of yourself. Wait a little while, and don't stare from without at your friends' little accomplishments. That's all they are in the big scheme of things. And don't waste anymore time putting them down, because you see how it makes you feel. Instead, look at their accomplishments and remind yourself that they are only where they are because of the advantages they have had and it has nothing to do of themselves. They might have big brains, big boobs, pretty faces and all that, but just one bad car accident (not that you'd wish that on them) and it's all over and you'd be one up -- but not much more than one up because like I said, in the grand scheme of things, we ALL need mounds of work. Don't let these minor things ruin your day. Don't let anyone steal your joy. Don't look at others as if they have something to be so proud of. What do any of us have that wasn't given to us? Not one damn thing. You'll stop feeling that way when you get to either see the things I'm telling you, or you get so sick of yourself that you blow your head off. I suggest you seriously contemplate the things I'm telling you because life, as thOmaN said, Is short. And so am I.
  4. There's nothing wrong with your head! Someone's eyes, maybe.
  5. I’m a ridiculous, emotional, over-sentimental sap. I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. I still remember her reaction. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. Then she nodded and looked off into the sky. I wasn’t heartbroken by the response. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. But as time has gone on, I also realized that she knew something that I didn’t. Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time. After two months of dating, we were engaged. Three months after that, we were married. And that whole time I was swooning. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. But then we got married, and everything changed. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you get into an argument? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. And at first, it drove me nuts. That emotion meant love! That excitement was how I knew I cared for her! But suddenly, life was this grind. Even when I was with her. Especially when I was with her. And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. Like, when I offered to do the dishes. Or make dinner after she had a hard day. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. It just kept happening. But I think it had an effect on me. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. This look of absolute love. One that was soft and so beautiful. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. But eventually it became clear. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey. And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable. I didn’t love my wife on that second date. I didn’t love her when we got engaged. I didn’t even love her when we got married. Because love isn’t an emotion. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn’t love. No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own. Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? Because it wasn’t for her. It was for me. An emotion I had in my chest. And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Being sappy isn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile. She knew, even if I didn’t, what love really is. And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger. From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office†to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. I can’t imagine a bigger lie. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. A country of people trying to live a Disney movie. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages. It’s sad to see just how common all the above is. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to. Those people deserve better. We all deserve better. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. It’s time that we redefine it. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common. Loveless marriages. Divorce. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.
  6. The Marriage Gamble by Roy Masters The entire world system is based on a lie, the lie that the relationship between man and woman is one of "love." In reality, the so-called "love" is nothing but an animal need that man calls "love" is the result of his fall from what love really is. As long as he insists on calling it "love," he strengthens the hold that his compulsive fixation has on him and it becomes the breeding ground of terror, violence, and trouble and woe of every description. To most men, women – even more than money – are the root of all evil. They like to think this, of course, because it constitutes a handy excuse for their own weakness. But the more they think along these lines, the more fixated on women they become. And the weaker they become as they loosen their contact with Him who charged Adam to love and correct Eve. To this day, Adam uses Eve to support his rebellion against the Creator, and he needs her so badly in this respect that he grows ever more fixated to her, ravaging and plundering her for all she has, needing her but certainly not loving her. Love, whatever that is, he has long forgotten. All he knows now is the kind of "love" that makes the world go ‘round. Marriage should be a holy institution, but it is not. A terrible and wordless intrigue is playing itself out relentlessly and is quietly concealed under the lines and gestures of the actors playing "mother" and "father." Life could be a joyful game, of course, played correctly with love and honor under God; but something has gone wrong. The actors in the marriage game are as phony in their way as the hypocrites of the pulpit are in theirs. Dimly aware that this is so (by the Light that refuses to be put out completely), we throw ourselves into our parts with great zest. The better we play our roles, the more we are admired and applauded by the friends who are caught in the same trap, and we all draw comfort in the thought that "the play’s the thing!" What you are no longer matters. It’s how you play the part that counts. Actors on the stage are greatly admired for their ability to portray courage and virtue. As long as we are observing reasonable facsimiles in the framework of make-believe, we’re all for them, and we root for the "good guys." Real virtue, in the framework of real life expression, frightens us, however. Just as we give lip service to religious principles at the "right" time and in the "right" place; i.e., on Sunday in Church, yet the physical presence of the Prince of Peace or anyreal person embodying these principles in his lifestyle would make us tremble in our boots. He would unmask our hypocrisy simply by being himself. Our reason for playing games is quite simple. It is one of the ways our vain nature chooses in order to avoid and distract itself from an earnest commitment to God. Games can be won. They are a challenge to our pride. But who could be proud of being good, when to be good is to give up pride? So we play the role of being right, and graciously accept the "respect" of those who are taken in by our play-acting. And by a kind of gentlemen’s agreement we accord the same respect to other actors. But under this blanket of respect we continue to play our dirty little games, feeding the pride of others in exchange for the "respectability" the offer us, doing our own thing and licensing others to do their own thing, with never a trace of guilt. A young mother can accept glory for her accomplishment only because she is proud. The praise she receives makes her feel secure in her vanity. But she cannot be honestly good because if she were, she could not then accept the praise that her ego craves for its glorification. Furthermore, we are all dimly aware of the contempt any hint of real goodness would arouse in those from whom we solicit applause. So the young mother soon learns that "the play is the thing," and playing it, she becomes lost in a web of self-deception. When we play at being good, we receive the acceptance we crave – we never have to experience the humiliation of facing up to our mistakes. And so it is that under cover of the applause our pride receives for its hypocrisy, it gets the support it needs to do the things that nobody could condone if they were done openly. (And seen clearly, of course, by a true light – but who’s to see?) Friends who play craps together are not really friends. They seem to be friends because they encourage and justify one another, but secretly each is maneuvering for the big advantage. Each person’s desire for advantage justifies the same desire for advantage in others; and that’s how "buddies" are born. The wrong you decide is all right for you to engage in is invariably justified by the people who take pleasure in joining you in it; the shared wrong shows you to be of one mind concerning a philosophy of life. If you are a band of cheats, your only use for an honest man is to cheat him – the thought of his joining the club is something else, too odious to contemplate. Suppose you decide, as a woman, to make full use of your beautiful body in order to gain certain advantages from men. Now, the men who are drawn to you will not see what it is you stand to gain from them, as they will be too preoccupied with the pleasant prospect of all they expect to gain from you. As long as each has hope of gain, the illusion of sweetness and light is practically perfect. Each takes the other at "face value" and tacitly agrees to overlook the secret maneuvering that is going on both sides. In fact, we are so good at overlooking our own skullduggery that when something goes wrong, all we can see is the other person’s part of the blame. When we get away with something, our very success proves us right; but when we fail, it’s because that "dirty so-and-so" tricked us. Hisinjustice is immediately obvious to us – not so, our own. Whether we look at gamblers or at lovers, we can see the same principle in action. Each justifies the other’s larceny, each is fair game, and each seems to like the other just the way he is. But then the battle is joined, and the winner emerges feeling glorious and perfectly justified in his victory, while the loser burns with the judgment he pronounces on the winner. Neither sees his own mistakes, and therefore, can learn nothing from them. The winner feels encouraged to win again, and the loser burns to get even. Neither sees that in the game for selfish advantage, the stakes are really health, sanity, and life itself, and that the winner is also perforce the loser. Wherever we encounter this uncorrected desire for power or selfish gain, to be acquired through "love" or money, we also encounter a blind spot in respect to our "friends," the people we become entangled with. The problems we all encounter in life are evidence of the fact that we all have this blind spot, and until we learn our lesson, trouble and woe will follow us the rest of our days. All the intrigue in the world originates in the close "friendship" of man and woman. In the delirium of this relationship we learn tricks that run the gamut of all that a sick, fevered mind can conceive of. From the day we are violated, the day of our birth, we are seeking to get even at the expense of the unwary. In marriage we find our best, and bloodiest, battleground. Many men, frustrated to find that they are losing their lives and advantage to their wives, become enraged and begin to cheat their fellowmen, if only to win favor with their powerful wives. They justify the game they start to play on the basis of getting even – like the man who feels justified in stealing because he himself has bee victimized by a thief. The prevalence of this attitude may account for the apathy of most citizens toward the law. They don’t really want honest law, or law enforcement, because it would force everybody to be honest, and that would spoil their own little games. To get back to marriage, the game we are playing (whether we know it or not) for an empty jackpot called "despair," could it be that we are married to the right person for the right reason? Theoretically, it could be, but chances are against it. For one thing, you don’t really want a "right" person, because a right person would hold a mirror to your real motives and expose you for what you are. No, you need someone to make you feel right the way you are, complete with the uncorrected selfish ego that you brought into this world, and that counterpart must be just like you, philosophically speaking. Many women enter into marriage with great ideals as to the sanctity of marriage, and soon they are to be seen wringing their hands and wailing, "How could I have been so blind? I thought he was such a wonderful man who would make a fine father for my children, and now I see that all he was interested in was sex." Now, depending on the turn their false idealism takes, they will either stick to their bargain and play the part of "good wife," or they will run, clamping the lid shut on the past by saying, "I loved you once, but it’s all over now. It wouldn’t be fair to hold you back, so goodbye." Of course, this attitude reveals the fact that they had no love to begin with, for love "suffereth long," is patient, endures all things, and after everything else is gone, still stands. In other words, love is not a "sometime" thing. But our idealistic woman magnanimously frees the man to marry again, causing him to commit the sin of adultery and making sure that she will not have to suffer the guilt of doing it first – all in the name of "love." The fact is that a truly honest man or woman can not possibly be deceived by another human being. You don’t find an honest man in crap games or in false churches. There is nothing in those places to appeal to him. He already has the "advantage" he needs, and he is not seeking to take it from anyone else. He simply cannot become involved with dishonest people. You cannot cheat an honest man. From your own personal pedestal of camouflaged dishonesty, you may often have observed the foibles of others and wondered how they could have been so blind as to get caught up in their unsavory involvements. From your vantage point, you can see how stupid they are, but they can’t see anything, because they have been blinded by the "romance" of the prospect of "getting." You may try to warn them, but they won’t listen, and when you try to help them they only take advantage of you. They sense, perhaps, that you are seeking the advantage of the glory of "saving" them, and this observation justifies them and hardens them in their course. The only advice people seem to listen to is the advice that will show them how to get even with their sparring partners. But what kind of person is it that will give that kind of advice? Only a person seeking his own advantage, if only to justify the follies of his own miserable existence by making you as wrong as he is. My dear idealistic friend, that contemptible man in your life was just what the doctor ordered to wake you from your self-deception. Your life is not ruined – your virginity, perhaps – but not your life. Every person comes into this world egotistical and vain, and each of us must discover for himself the meaning of egotism, and come to repent of that egotistical nature that we cannot of ourselves change. When you were a child, your father did not love and correct you properly. Perhaps he "loved you too much," spoiled you to need the things he needed, and built up your ego, so that now you must find a man to sustain the distorted image you have of yourself, and justify the things you want. But your ego will still be dodging real love, real correction – for the love you will receive will be for being what you are – neatly justifying what he wants out of life. Or perhaps you had a mean, contemptible father whom you secretly hated, so you set about to find a man who could "love back into you" the image of a woman that you lost by hating your father. Or you may determine to remain pure, to differentiate yourself from the unprincipled parent you hated, but cannot admit to having hated for fear of marring the image you have of yourself. However you arrived at your worldly ideals, you were impelled by the desire to maintain a sense of original purity that a doting parent, needing your approval, imparted to you, or to regain the sense of purity that you lost at the hands of a man as the result of a proud ambition that made you vulnerable. You did such a beautiful job of looking like an angel from Heaven, and a man pleaser, that you managed to frighten away all the honest men. And the love (lost advantage) you needed so badly "perfectly" justified the sinner you got involved with. He did seem to be a wonderful person – otherwise, you would not have married him – but so did you. The "advantage" he gained from you went to his head – it frightened and frustrated him and made him do foolish things. The criteria you used in picking your man were all based on superficial prejudice and unconscious need, the need you had to use another person to lift your spirits or maintain the illusions you had about yourself. And when you saw the one you needed, the kind of "love" you had to give him, unmodified by the presence of God, helped to make him into the pig he gradually became. If you are still married to one after forty years, you may still not realize what a big nothing he is. He has appeared great only because your "love" has supported him and made him into a "good" man – to you, but a good-for-nothing in the eyes of Reality. When death claims him, your life will be a big, bottomless hole, and in that hole you will go around muttering about what a good man he was (could you admit otherwise?), and friends will nod their wooden heads in agreement. And all the while, the grave is waiting for you also. Take care that you do not enter it as self-deceived as ever, having paid for the false consolation of friends with a wasted life. Marriage has become a giant "put-on." Of course, we all want to believe that there is nothing in this life but boys and girls: girls for the boys, and boys for the girls. If we did not believe this and encourage one another along these lines, we would find ourselves alone with the truth that every ego seeks to avoid; namely, that there is something in life other than boys and girls playing games together. We just don’t want to know about it. All we want to do, perhaps subconsciously, is to make life serve "our" purposes, "our" goals. People who pride themselves on their rational approach to life are fond of saying that there is no purpose or aim in life unless we make it ourselves and then strive toward it. But then, to have the incentive to do so, boys need the needling of girls, and girls need the strong backs of boys. So, willfully or unwittingly, we all join the crap game of life in the time-honored tradition of "boy meets girl." High on the ambition we generate in one another, we claim to be "working together" for a "better world," but actually each is trying to outwit and use the other, and we are not really as unconscious of what we are doing as we like to pretend. Challenged, we’re right there with the excuse: "Why not? He would have done it to me! That’s the way you play the game, isn’t it?" For both sexes, it would appear that the game is everything, but there is something about the way a woman plays it that is hard for a man to understand. Women are certainly a mystery, but part of the reason men cannot understand them is that women have managed to keep the men asleep, perhaps compulsively, prompted by that secret drive in women that has never been fully explained. It seems reasonable to assume, at least, that women are more aware than men, as they are more prone to guilt and anxiety feelings than men. Most women understand the games they are all playing with the menfolk, even though they never discuss the subject with one another openly – and certainly not with men. A guileful woman’s "security" and "advantage" lie in keeping her mouth shut and playing her cards close to her chest. And she might as well, because if she were to hand the truth to most men on a silver platter, they would prefer not to believe it, and their own kind of women would back them up in their denial of truth. Fortunately, a small minority of men and women, by virtue of their true desire, do not engage in the unspoken conspiracy of the game-playing multitude, but they sense the difference between themselves and the vast majority of people. As a result, they often suffer a kind of compulsive curiosity on the subject of that difference. They cannot be so hypocritical as to join "the opposition," but they are acutely aware of the loneliness of their position. These are the people who are going to be greatly relieved by my letting the cat out of the bag once and for all. When they see me saying what they have really always known, they will be able to take a firmer grip on the courage of their convictions, realize that they have not been left out of anything really worthwhile, and proceed with the business of living happily ever after. For them, the war of the sexes will be over. And let me assure you, until the war of the sexes is over, man will be at enmity with God. Now, let us explore some of the dangerous psychophysiological "misconceptions" current among men, such as 1) sex is love, 2) sex is manly, and 3) women like sex, too. We may start by asking what a woman is to a man. Is she the object of his love? If she is, then what is "love?" Is love "sex?" If love is sex, then monkeys are better lovers than men. To most men, a good woman (actually, a bad one) is "cooperative." From her he may draw ego reassurance, relief, stimulation, pleasure. She will do anything to keep him "happy," and when he makes a mistake, she will be his scapegoat. She is servant to his lust and cheerleader to his ambition. She is the necessary evil that his male ego thrives on, but he will "love" her only as long as she continues to play her part and follow the script. At the risk of laboring the point, I must repeat that a man’s "love" is not love at all, but a demand that a woman be evil as a prerequisite to being "loved." If she does "well" in his eyes, he "loves" (needs) her again. Meanwhile, his male need "justifies" her existence as a fellow egotist, and if she fails to see through the charade, she may become dependent on his being the way he is. A man’s claim to "love" arises from one central need: the need to remain asleep to the Truth. He is a veritable drug addict, dependent on Eve, "the pusher," his source of supply. When a vain woman sees his ego helplessness and his strong back – well, the "pusher" sees that she has a pushover" and she gives him the needle. His sexual overeagerness betrays his spiritual weakness, and his spiritual weakness is just what she needs to make her dreams come true and give security to her failing as an uncorrected person. That is a fairly clear picture, at last, of the way ambitious women look at ambitious men. They cheer the men on from the sidelines while the men go out and do the dirty work ambition demands of them. The women derive a great feeling of security from this arrangement, and they feel like queens as they bless their subjects and nod their approval. They are the aristocracy, and the men are the peasants who serve them in the fields and on the battlegrounds, bringing back the fruits of their labor and the spoils of war and placing them in their lily white hands. For this, the men are dubbed "superpatriots," which, freely translated, means "demented nothings who will do anything at all to be considered important somethings." But just let something go wrong or get out of hand, and the adoring subject does a "double take." Suddenly, the beautiful queen becomes the wicked queen and gets all the blame. Little children are especially familiar with this type of relationship. Their friends are great pals while they are providing them with the motivation to do something naughty, but if they get caught in the act, they put all the blame on the erstwhile friend. "It’s all his fault; he made me do it," they scream. Of course, it does take two to tango. Eve didn’t hand Adam the fruit of desire (ambition) because she thought it would be good for his health, but Adam "bit" because he interpreted her act as a form of consideration for the condition of his soul. In other words, he had already tempted her in a subtle way to light a fire under him. He did not correct her when she did, and she knew that he would not. She knew he wanted and needed to bite into the apple when she offered it to him. And to this very day men tempt women to tempt them by signaling their animal needs, except that now they do it tomaintain (not to originate) their pride. Like Snow White, Adam fell asleep as a result of the evil queen’s charms, and his sons, having inherited his stupor, will sleep on until they are awakened by Love’s first kiss. There is quite a difference between the kiss of love and the kiss of death, or eternal sleep, the one that is most familiar to us. When the first man fell from Love, he literally lost control over his mind and body. The woman, on the other hand, gained power through the increased physical influence of her attractive body. The guileful woman is instinctively aware of this power and makes the utmost use of it. If man were sufficiently awake and aware to see how the woman is using sex to control him, he would be literally turned off by her ugliness and her antics, but as long as he needs woman’s support for his ego, the last thing he wants to be is awake and aware, so he tacitly insists that she continue to play her quiet little games with him and never drop the bomb of an honest word that would shatter the serenity of his "slumber room." And yet, though man appears to give woman the upper hand by insisting that she keep pulling the wool over his eyes, she would do well to remember that the pride she feeds as a puppy will grow into a vicious dog that will not hesitate to bite the hand that feeds it. Occasionally, a woman comes along who seems to have been left out of Eve’s secret, who is relatively guileless, and yet manages to attract a man by the sheer beauty of her body. Starry-eyed and romantic, she sees her own ego need as a large white canvas on which her man will paint a stunningly beautiful picture, warm and rich in exquisite detail. What she gets, of course, is simple uncomplicated sex, and this may be something of a shock to her. The realization of what he had in mind all along comes to her slowly, like falling downstairs a bump at a time until she hits bottom and discovers that, to Prince Charming, love is sex. If you happen to be one of these "innocent" women, let me point out to you before you allow yourself to get carried away with self-pity that you were not really "innocent" enough. Had you been filled by the Light of God, you would not have been carrying around that void, that ego need, that large white canvas waiting to be completed. You would not have been right there to guide Adam, the sleepwalker, back to bed so gently that wakefulness never for a moment threatened to overtake him! It does behoove you not to hate Adam for taking away the innocence that you never really had. Usually, woman inherits a power over man that she is powerless to give up, but is driven to exert compulsively, even as man is driven to give her that power and is powerless to prevent her having it until he himself falls under the power of the saving grace of God – in other words, gets off her hook and begins to look to his Creator for the impetus to live. Until that time, the power Eve has makes her feel either beautiful or ugly, depending on the degree of her guile. If she is egocentric, ambitious, and full of guile, the sexual needs of an ambitious male will excite her to tempt him, and to feel like a million dollars while she does it (and before she becomes aware how ugly she has become, she finds herself temporizing the beast). A seductive woman broadcasts two ideas: 1) Keep trying, and 2) Don’t worry about sex – it’s great. That is the image of woman that advertisers use to sell everything from soup to speedboats. It’s the woman’s form you see on the billboards, but it’s the men that put them there – and without much objection from women. Generally speaking, women identify with that high place of glory, whether it’s a magazine ad, a poster, a billboard, or neon lights against the night sky. All symbolize her omnipotence, her power, and superiority over men. The men, however, see the picture from a different vantage point. They are delighted, stirred to life, encouraged to strive in the ancient way of proud men, by the vision of beautiful women they surround themselves with. Then too, they are the power behind the throne; they can learn to "manage" women in their various roles of seduction and reap profits from other men who need women. Tyrants use the same principle when they see to it that their masses are surrounded by blown-up portraits of themselves, like an environment, to justify the people in their failings and keep them in line. And of course, tyrants are basically "female" in their orientation toward, and dependency on, their subjects. But men do not really look up to the dictator with love and respect any more than they really look up to the women that they surround themselves with, much as tyrants and women would like to believe otherwise. In reality, they are engaged in a giant put-on. Hitler, like a larcenous female, made his countrymen feel like supermen and superwomen on a grand scale; and as I mentioned above, dictators are always female-exchanged males, men who have acquired and evolved the guile and the ways of woman, usually their mother.
  7. I've never done that and I don't know any girl who has. But guys definitely that all.the.time. So I believe what you and Ralph are seeing is your own reflection. Girls like to hang out with guys not for power but because guys are usually more relaxed than female companions are and not nearly as serious (because guys for the most part are big goofballs) and we want that kind of a relationship to even out what we get from the serious side. It's not unusual for girls to develop feelings for a guy friend and not realize she had feelings for him until he goes off with another girl. But usually what happens is, the guy isn't willing to wait for a single girl, so he'll push her hand so to speak, and if she doesn't immediately jump into bed with him, he'll say, screw you! I'll just go find another girl who will. And it just goes to show that he wasn't really her friend to begin with. What's sad is, many girls will fall for that crap coming from their guy "friends," not realizing he was just friends with her in order to get her in to bed. And she'll get upset and say, hey! Wait a minute, I thought we were friends! Because obviously her head is spinning a little -- because that was his intent -- to spin her. If the guy had any true feelings for her, he wouldn't spin her like that -- he'd be upfront and make it clear that he is really interested in her, not all this -- well, she had to know! I mean, come on! Every girl knows that a guy only is friends with a girl because he's interested in her like THAT. No, they don't know, and if they knew that was what the guy really wanted she might give into him thinking he actually loved her because men have taught women to equate sex with love. Now an "easy" target would immediately pounce and take advantage of the guy, but then the guy would have been satiated and dump her because all he really wanted was the chase, and by then the chase would be over. But a girl who really cared about the relationship / "friendship" would turn around and go, HEY! I gave you my body, why don't you want to be with me anymore? What the OP had is a sexual infatuation with a girl. And when he didn't get what he wanted, he is all ready to blame her for "targeting" him. It's nonsense.
  8. Give me a break. See? This is how I know you're making mountains out of mole hills. No one is attacking you. And we're certainly not doing it intentionally for being smooth, I, personally was intentionally being forthright because you posted and then you left. I was wondering when you were going to show back up. What did you just take off like that for?. Geez. No, you shouldn't be rough and all over the place, And now you say "she targeted you." Wow, so, you have a thing for girls who "target" you? That's not real bright.
  9. He's already "falling" for her? GEEZ! Guys are a trip. How about getting to know the girl first. A few laughs doesn't mean a commitment. He better get ahold of his emotions and quick!
  10. That's inflammatory, Ralph. Guys may very well pretend to be friends with girls in order to get in her pants. Even if the girl knows that's what the guy wants, that doesn't mean that they have to sleep with the guy. And no, girls don't automatically assume that just because a guy is being nice to her that he wants to get in her pants. That would be totally presumptuous on her part, wouldn't it? To say nothing of being big-headed. As if! That's what the guy thinks, and so when he gets turned down, he can say she knew -- and she was "teasing him." When in reality, he was playing with her emotions. But thanks for the heads up! I'll be sure and discount any acts of kindness coming from the opposite gender from henceforth.
  11. This is what the OP said: "I told her" in what he thought was the "smoothest way possible." Ridiculous. He would have been better off just being himself and not thinking "I'll say this in the smoothest way possible, and then she can't possibly deny my desires." He thought they should hang out. And who knows how he came across in reality? Nobody really knows. He does sound very insecure and needy. He saw something he wanted and he sort of manipulated her emotions a little and acted smooth as possible -- in his own eyes. Not in hers. And she saw through it and didn't take kindly to being told she should do anything beyond what she had already given. And he's just going to have to learn that when you like someone, and you want to be friends you don't tell them what they should do, especially if it's something that involves a selfish desire of your own. He liked her and he misinterpreted her actions as "friendship," and he immediately starting plotting.... "Well, I'll say this in the smoothest way possible...." Now he knows just because he thinks that's the way you get more of what you want, that's not the way to go about it. If you want to be friends with someone, you be friends, you don't manipulate by being smooth as possible," because now he went from being carefree to trying hard to look smooth. It conjures up pictures of a pimp with 10 lbs of thick gold chains around his neck, a white hat with a feather in it on his head, wearing a floor length white fur coat. Not really, haha. He tried to conjure up a sense of self-confidence he didn't really have, and she saw through it, and it turned her off. What did you want her to say? He told her, and she said, "Hmmm.... I've got teachers and parents telling me what I SHOULD do all day long. Do I really want a "friend" telling me what I should do? No!" (I'm sure he thought he came across as very smooth, though -- so what a shock to his fragile ego.) Be yourself. Don't manipulate. Don't plot. Don't plan to get what you want. Be kind and unselfish. BE thankful you met someone you got to enjoy some time with without wanting more and manipulating another for more of what you desire. Just be thankful.
  12. But he has no business developing feelings for someone he doesn't know. He developed feelings for the feelings and in that short period of time of laughing, he got a little addicted to the feelings. It's immature of him. So she walked away, big deal. Now, see, every time you walk away and don't explain yourself, you're going to feel a little guilty because you're setting a ridiculous standard for people to follow. And every time the OP walks away without explaining himself, he will feel guilty, because he has set a ridiculous standard for himself and others. All I'm saying is, let her go. Let it go. She could say he was acting in a way that was equally immature by developing feelings that soon. It's extremely immature to become addicted to someone simply because they laugh at your "stupid" jokes.
  13. And besides, this isn't even a real post. This is just another one of those "pretend posters." I get so tired of that. But if nothing else, it generated a very well spoken reply from "No One," and from me too, even if I do say so myself, although I can't take credit for it.
  14. It's not she who has to "fix" anything. Nothing happened. They talked and laughed and that's good. Why does that not satisfy some guys? Because they have it in their mind already that something must develop beyond a platonic friendship with someone they are physically attracted to. If the girl had been a "dog," would his reaction have been the same? Would he have been as elated by her laughing at his retarded jokes? Nope. But since he was attracted to her and she didn't respond the way he hoped she would automatically made him feel that there's something seriously "wrong with him." Maybe learn that girls just like to have a laugh once in a while with a stranger with no strings attached. She didn't set out to break anyone's heart. Give me a break. Don't make mountains out of mole hills. The "OP" came off as carefree with his stupid jokes and that made her comfortable enough to laugh with him. But then he turned around and got "needy" -- "Would you like to hang out....?" Then all his chill vibes became clear to her. He was trying to impress her -- he was giving to get. Some girls shy away from that. Just be yourself: be genuine and sincere and give (the gift of laughter) expecting nothing in return. Girls love that. Next time something like this happens, do this: "Hey, you're fun. I'm glad we met." Period.
  15. Exactly