severin

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About severin

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  1. I deduce your beautiful wife is accompanying you right? In that case you should say "my wife and I are going to Florida Keys this summer." Don't forget to include her too!
  2. Karebare, I read through your replies here and believe me, I know what you are going through! We tend to blame ourselves when those things you listed are not going on. I had been in your situation before. I completely agree with everything Sherlock says. He helped me go through my exact problems too. Sherlock can give great advices, so follow through what he suggests! I did and ended up finding the love of my life. I truly hope the love of my life feels the same way about me too. He is kind of shy to acknowledge me in public forums but that's OK. So my advice to you is this: do what Sherlock says and you will find YOUR love of life too!
  3. It's not an extrapolation of a plot from a romantic comedy Tantalus but my own personal experience based on true facts the OP listed here. I had been in the exact situation myself and let me tell you how hurtful it was when an "innocent" texting turned into a full blown cheating. Of course, we don't know her husband's real reasons, as we all are trying to figure it out either by basing our own experiences like me here, or by guessing and advising her otherwise. What I truly suggested to her was to lay out the cards on the table from both parties: him by at least mentioning that he wanted to help someone to get a job if that was the true case; and her telling him not to delete stuff and be secretive because her reaction would be that he is cheating again. The OP didn't respond yet so we just have to wait and see. Because I was hurt by such behaviour from someone I supposed to love, I can only advise people that if your significant other has secretive email accounts, and he/she texts, emails, calls people behind your back and when you enter the room he/she is quickly changing the site he/she was using; if he/she goes to another room to talk freely with another; if gifts are exchanged in a manner you have no idea about; etc etc; it always significes cheating!
  4. The problem here is that he gave her his own phone number instead of the phone number of the restaurant that was hiring....can anyone see this? If he worked in a restaurant he doesn't own, and knew the restaurant was hiring and someone he just randomly met in a laundromat said SHE had no job, why on earth he gave her HIS private phone number rather than the restaurant's? Was HE hiring or the restaurant? If he owned the restaurant, then I would understand him giving her his own private phone number. Even then the wife has the right to know who is he going to hire because the restaurant legally belongs to her too. That is the original problem to the story. If her husband was secretive but especially KNOWING he needs to work on to be trusted by his wife, since he cheated on her before, why is the secrecy and deleting? These two things I mentioned before just makes this whole thing suspicious for any woman or man in the same situation! I maintain my advice that you both need to sit down and talk this through so when things like this happen again, both parties involved know what to do: if there was nothing to it, your husband should have been more straightforward about it so you wouldn't have to rip off the bandage on the wound he inflicted on you before when he cheated on you.
  5. Yes this case is cheating. We can analyze this in all angle, the bottom line is that she has cheated on you. Talk is the first thing to do, rather than going behind her back with evidences collected in case she lies. If she is trying to blame you and make you feel like two cents, you know she has more than just flirt feelings for the guy. Tell her you will support her with going through marriage councelling if she wants to save the marriage but if she is done with it, she is more than welcome to leave, you love her enough to let her go so she won't have to do such things secretively. Make her feel it is her choice what will be the next step. You will see then how serious she ever was about you!
  6. Guys might don't like to be "grilled" but gals don't like it when their guys are secretive. There is no other worse case in a marriage when one of the parties keep secrets from the other like having email accounts he/she chats and having relationships with other women/men; when he/she is receiving phone calls and he/she has to hurry to another room to chat away freely; when he/she sends gifts, and receives gifts from another woman/man; and the wife/husband will find out later on. These are all cheatings! In the case of the poster, he should have told her about the hiring, it is her business after all too, not just the husband's. If he deletes messages, it is a clear sign of hiding something. If there was nothing to it, he would have been straightforward. In that case, the poster would not have been suspicious. When a man is in a hurry to delete things, when he has secretive things, it is always a red flag and a fact that he is cheating. I think if a relationship is based on conversations and trust, none of these should be an issue. But if one party has a history of cheating and/or flirting online, the trust is broken forever. The suspicion is always remaining. So the lesson here to learn is: guys don't be secretive because we gals will suspect you cheating on us, and 9 out of 10 cases it is a true fact. For the poster, sit back and watch what happens. Visit your husband in the restaurant when he does not expect you. Get a babysitter for you kids one night and surprise him at the end of the day with your visit. You will see then whether you have a base on your feelings or not. I was married once to a guy like your husband. I did what I am suggesting to you, and boy, the things I found out! Hopefully you don't have to. Good luck sister!
  7. This is an interesting topic. There were many books written about it, fiction or non-fiction; many movies made about it and no matter which angle are we approaching the subject and bring up many logical reasons for cheating, there are no clear fit to all answers. Each case is different and is based on different examples of feelings. Rather than pointing fingers at each other why one cheats, especially from the women's point of view, we should accept and remedy the consequences if it went that far, but better yet, work on things within a marriage that cheating would be eliminated. Being married requires A LOT OF DISCIPLINE. Couples often forget or look over their partner's real need. The effort and charisma they put in when they were dating somehow gets forgotten after being married. Nurturing the other person; doing little things for him/her; but most of all: communicating and being a partner IN EVERYTHING often dies out after the first year. Especially when children are involved, naturally other interests take the priority stage than their partner's. Women's life ran by emotions most of the time. Their cheating is based on emotions most of the time. If their husbands put another woman as a "friend" in his life above the wife's, wives feel forever hurt. Cheating starts. This was just one tiny examples of many as Sherlock above mentioned another example. But these examples are miniscules compare to the complexity of why wives or women cheat. There can be a happy marriage if BOTH involved in it make it happen. The secret is do not feel comfortable and let go of things you had done or how you looked when you were dating, and never forget nurturing your loved one.
  8. I think there wasn't a great communication between the two of you when everything was right, or it seemed it was. Now that it is over, communication will be when he wants it to be. This doesn't show me you were meant to be togehter or he was meant to have any girlfriend. Don't make yourself so available for him. Besides, if he wanted to continue with you, he would have been available when you asked. It seems he runs the show. I agree with those posters here who said to let this guy go.
  9. Now that you edited your original post and added more details everything is clear. You are a strong woman and I think you really don't need your husband. He is not commited to you or his daughter. You are right about him when you said he is selfish and he is a jerk. File for divorce and forget about him.
  10. Back off. She is with the guy she has a child with and won't leave. Everybody knows no one is losing a child because she left a guy. She wants to stay. You are interfering. If a woman really wants out, she will move heaven and earth to do it. Especially if a child is involved. I've been there.
  11. Your whole post is confusing. You left out important parts and that's why it sounds alarming. For instance, what was the base of your marriage if you lived in two different towns and he was a student, how did you meet to know each other well for you to marry a student? Then what happened after the marriage, weren't you seeing him where he lived for you to see how serious was he about the marriage and its commitment to each other? If you'd not met, how did you get pregnant? If you have another son who is old enough to support you, then your age of childbaring comes to question. Forgive my inquisitive questions but I don't understand your whole post. I'd like to give you a good advice but not until we know the whole picture of your story.