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Found 38 results

  1. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but... If this thing with my female friend (see my other question regarding my dream) becomes a real thing and we become a couple (and hopefully, eventually get married), should we celebrate our first Hanukkah just as a couple (just us) or should we spend it with family (her grandparents, parents, and brothers // my parents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, and cousins)?
  2. It took a little digging to find the new site. I have missed it! I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope I have posted it in the right place. But I would really like some advice or kind words. I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure what to do. My BF (of 2 1/2 years) and I went camping with his family this weekend, which was stressful and our part was organized by me alone. That's a whole other ball of wax, but my bf's mother informed us that his dad's brother and wife were going to be in town this coming weekend, from Texas (we are in California). My bf hasn't seen them in probably ten years. On top of that, since they are coming, his other Aunt is coming, and they are celebrating his only grandma's 79th birthday, and we are both expected to be there. A bit last minute. We had been planning to help MY parents install their new flooring this weekend for 2 months. But I can't, and won't, insist that my BF not see his family because we have to help mine install flooring, even if it is last inconveniently last minute. So I called my dad up as soon as I got home, as I needed to wish them a happy anniversary and ask if we can install the flooring the following weekend. Well, my dad got very irritated. I told him that I wasn't happy about it either, and I'm not, but I can't really do anything about it. My BF is the more valuable one as far as knowing how to install that flooring, but honestly we just installed it in our new place, and that's the only reason we know anything. And, by the way, we did that without any help from them, since they were on a long vacation. So he gets all stony and cold, so I ask to talk to his wife (we get a long very very well), and inform her of what is going on and she was equally irritated with me. She said it just seemed like his family interrupted their plans a lot. Their plans? I can think of 1 or 2 times in 2 1/2 years. Mine? yeah, a lot. But my parents have ruined our plans as well and we've rescheduled or missed things with my bf's side too. I get handed back to my dad, where he asks me what day it is, then I remember I was going to wish them a happy anniversary, and all I got back was, "did you tell ____(his wife) that?" And I said no, but explained that I mean to, I just got side tracked with that conversation and all the billion other things going on (Tagged her in a Facebook post after, with a photo I had taken at the wedding and wished them a Happy Anniversary again, got "thanks"). I called them like 20 minutes after I parked my car in the driveway. We can't do the floors the following weekend because it's his wife's granddaughter's birthday and they are driving over to visit them. Then my dad, all mad, says that he guesses he just won't go. Or maybe he'll just do the floors himself. blah blah blah. And I try explaining its hard to make things work, and schedule things between the two families. He always acts like I have absolute control over everything that happens. Then get's mad at me when I don't make things go his way. His wife's kids are never there to help with anything. Just earlier this year we went over two weekends in a row to help him put up a new fence. He always gets grouchy and rude during these projects too. I texted my BF after that and told him my dad wasn't happy with me, and he said that he could just install the flooring himself then. Which didn't help. I'm just feeling pressure from all sides to appease everybody, and also the pressure on myself to do what I think is the right thing. I told him that I'd try to nail down exactly what is happening with the bf's family and I'd call him back today. But honestly, my only option is to just drive the 2 hours over there by myself this weekend and try to be as helpful as I can. And also deal with his bad attitude during the install. But now I'm just angry. I don't want to help him now. I generally have a good relationship with my father, and his wife..but I'm just mad. I'm mad that they apparently gave no thought to everything I have going on, they don't listen when I try to talk about my issues with stress and anxiety, he just gets mad when I'm not at his beck and call, and when we go help him with something he always ends up being very rude during the project. And I also think its wrong that they would want my BF to ignore his whole family to go help them with FLOORS, or at least wrong that they are putting so much pressure on me to somehow make that happen. Hell, last Thanksgiving, when they wanted me to come over and I told him that my BF and I needed to go to his parent's because his brother who is in the military would be home for it, a rare occurrence, my dad got so mad at me. Said we had spent last thanksgiving with them, when we didn't, we were alone for it because both sets of our parents were out of town visiting other family members. Mine were only a few hours away visiting one of his wife's kids, but its not like I was even invited anyway. Then we went and did Christmas with them and stayed for 5 DAYS. I would understand the frustration if I never called, or visited, or helped when they asked, but I DO. All the time. Even when it is inconvenient for me. Any advice in dealing with this? I want to call him up and chew him out, or at least say that I won't be coming at all and I'm disappointed in his behavior. I realize I can't please everyone all the time..but no one else seems to be realizing this. I hate last minute changes myself. I don't want any of this to be happening. I feel overwhelmed with my family, my BF's family, seeing my BF have such a hard time with his family, helping him, with school, with work, my anxiety and depression. I had a meltdown last night...I'm in college right now getting my BA. My dad has been helping me out by having me on his cell plan and paying for my car insurance, he also helped me pay for a car repair I couldn't afford last year, and, this car being my first, he helped me get that too and its in his name. I feel like maybe that is part of the reason I'm in the beck and call position, but I know that part of it is that it is just his personality and I'm his only child. I'm not ungrateful. I help him all the time. I call just to say hi and ask how they are doing. I'm always trying to be helpful. I'm repeating myself. Please, any advice would be very much appreciated. I want to throw my hands up in the air, chew him out, and ask my BF to help me maybe buy the car from him, and pay the insurance, registration, etc. I also just wish I could be more independent and not owe anybody..but that's why I'm in school, getting A's, and digging myself into debt. HELP.
  3. Death and Us

    Death is a natural part of life. I think we all understand that. However it doesn't make it any easier when it happens. When you love someone or something such as an animal. They become part of your life, your companion, your friend, and when they pass you feel lost, empty, alone. It's times like this when family and friends really show themselves. These people will do everything you can to make you feel better. Even aquaintences will do what they can. Just to help you feel better, with kinds words and support. now in my case family over the years minus of course having kids has really become something important for me. I grew up in a military family, around the country and rarely seeing my family and when we did it was a week long vacation to Boston. So splitting our time between all the family was tough. i remember the first person who died in my family. It was my great grandmother. For years she had struggled with dimensha. I remember a time when we went home to see them. And it seemed to be a good conversation with her (she was having a good day. So my Grandma Wanda starts asking my sister and I what we wanted to do when we grow up. My sister says a Vet, I tell her I want to be a solder like my father. We change topics and her dimensha starts to kick in. She asks me again, I repeat my answer, she asks again, I say the same thing. So shortly before we leave she asked me again, and I told her. Grandma I would like be a proctologist. My parents start laughing. She never asked me again. I just blurted out an answer I had no idea. So we say our goodbyes and we get tin the car. My mother looks back and me and goes Ryan... Do you know what a proctologist so is? I was like no but she kept asking me so I just said something. My mom replays. "Ryan a proctologist is a butt Doctor". Yep... That's right I told my Great grandmother I was going to be a butt Doctor. Good times. The next was the loss of my new born 05. Not really much to say about this. He was born 15 weeks early, my x wife was told she could fly. So she went home on vacation while I was on TDY getting ready to deploy to Iraq. Well she shouldn't have. She went into labor 3 days later. So on August 27th my son John Anthony was born named after our fathers. He died 13 days later in my arms, the only time I got to hold him. I was 21 at the time. The nurse was heart broken, he dropped to his knees and just started crying. He was the dedicated nurse to my son, and did everything he could. But my lil mans lungs where just not strong enough. I never got to express my emissions for this. I was a soldier, getting ready to deploy to Iraq, my young wife needed my strength and we had a 1 year old daughter to take care of. But I have a tatto on my right chest that I see every morning so I never forget him. He was buried in Arlington Cemetary and when I pass on, he will be dug up and I placed under neath him, once again resting on me. since then, I've lost two aunts, a few friends in the wars. Death is never easy. It hurts. We want them back, we always question if the was something we should have said. But the ones we love wouldn't want us to morn them. But celebrate their life, our love, their friendship. They wouldn't want us to stop what we are doing and fall apart, but continue to live and love and push on. Its hard! It's not something that you just flip a switch and say " Okay I'm done greeving". Greeving is okay. It's healthy, if your greeving, reach out to your friends, your family, talk with them, laugh with them. Remember the good times of the one you lost. It will get better. I promise you all!!! It will get better!
  4. Guys, remember how I said I met this girl named Cher and I said that I thought she may be related to me, maybe a cousin I didn't know about. I spoke to her today and I can honestly say that we're not cousins. After we asked questions and she called her mom, we found this out: SHE'S MY SISTER!!! I'm not even kidding. We literally found this out a few hours ago! One thing lead to another and I just learned that I have a younger brother, an older brother, I think another sister. This is absolutely insane, yesterday I had no family and now I am loaded with family. My younger brother called and said he may come up one weekend to bring his daughter/my niece. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING, I'M STILL SHAKING!!! What does this mean, where do I go from here?
  5. Hey everyone, saying it's been a while since I made a post is quite an understatement, lol. However, something came up that's really heavy on my mind. Here goes: In two of my classes this semester, I met this girl (let's call her Cher) who sits near me (in both classes). A part of her story really caught my attention when we were introducing ourselves a few weeks ago. I was one of the last people to introduce myself and when I said my last name and where I was from, I saw out the corner of my eye that she did a double take because not only do we happen to have the same last name, but her hometown is where I was born. The teacher asked if we were related, she quickly said no, lol. Moments later and a few times during the week when I ran into her by chance, she started calling me her 'new' cousin. It felt pretty cool. I never known my father, but from what I had been told, I have long lost relatives in the same place where Cher grew up. Lately, I have been attempting to build a bridge with her. Despite how well we seemed to get a long in the first week (and despite my social skills being MUCH better now), I am having trouble connecting with her. The usual 'one word answers' when I ask her things. She does speak to me in both classes. I don't want to push too hard, but there's a part of me that says it would be super cool if it turned out that we were long lost cousins who met in college. I just wish I knew for sure. For those of you who remember, I don't really have any family and I'm all by myself. It's rough when you see other people having fun with friends and family and you're all alone. I guess I just want to befriend her, even if she is a few years younger than I am. I am having trouble as I don't know what to say to her. The only other thing is that we have similar majors (media related). But as I said, I don't want to push too hard and have her thinking I'm a creep, you know.
  6. What do you do when you're a Christian but don't want to offend others? I'm a young man and I'm thinking of marriage (as every young man should at some point of his life) and I've come across this problem: What do you do with 1 Peter 3:1? It says "In the same way, wives, submit to your husbands." But that gets a lot of ire from feminists? Like, why should we submit to the patriarchy? I mean, how do you deal with that? Do you let your wife run loose and allow her to question your every intention (i.e. let her complain about what you want her to do and let her have her own way--defy you, essentially)? How? How do you deal with something like this?
  7. I am so ashamed of my parents. I know how terrible that sounds, but as much as I try, I just can’t help but feel terrible when I’m around them. I am 28 years old and have a little baby of my own, and I feel so bad not having parents I can stand to be around during such an important time of my life. My mother has extremely low self esteem and has always suffered with this, but she would completely deny it. She’s never had any friends. In fact, growing up, having friends of my own was discouraged. My parents would, for NO particular reason at all, only allow me to go out on night a week. My mother would make me go with her to the mall even when I didn’t want to. I was her only friend. She is so fake and nervous around people, it’s embarrassing. Always seeking approval and buying everyone gifts to be accepted. Then talking about them behind their backs when they don’t give her the reaction she wanted. She’s constantly giving us things we don’t want or need, and then I feel obligated to accept them. I’ve told her to stop doing that, as they are struggling financially, but she doesn’t stop, and it makes me feel bad. She’ll do things like buy me a dish set just because it was on sale, when I clearly don’t need one, and then say things like “I hope you’ll like it!†in a pitiful voice, almost knowing that I won’t. But then I feel so guilty that I take it, and my house has become crowded with crap she’s given me. She also constantly buys items used which is fine, but then she feels like she needs to lie to me about it and make me think they’re new. For example, she once bought me a bed in a bag and there were stains on it when I took it out. The tags were all crinkled and yellowed. It was a nice set, so I didn’t care, but we got it steam cleaned just to be sure. She actually went through the hassle of taking a price sticker from Homesense from another bed in a bag and sticking it on the used one so I would think it’s new! She also recently bought my daughter this outfit, and she told me this huge story about how she went in the Nike store looking for sweats and came across it. I can tell the outfit it used, and I really don’t care! I’m just so sad that she feels the need to lie to her daughter about it right to her face! She completely changes herself when around anyone, and judges everyone behind their backs. Growing up to that made it difficult for me to understand others. I too felt the need to be fake and withdrew myself even at an early age. I was taught that you can’t be yourself around other people. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. My mother has also always done embarrassing things that made me feel disgusted. She picks her nose and eats it all the time. She tries to hide it, so if you look at her and she’s in the middle of it, she’ll pretend to scratch her face or something! When she’s on the phone, for some reason she always puts her hand down the back of her pants. She also peels off her heel skin, collects it in her hand, and EATS it. My husband witnessed this and he was absolutely disgusted. It’s horrifying to watch your own mother act this way. It makes me extremely sad. Now that I have a baby, it’s hard being around her, because she always just seems to “feel sorry†for my baby daughter for some reason, like she doesn’t trust my ability to be a parent. I get tired of the “Awwwwws!!!!†every 5 seconds. Yes, she’s cute, but it gets annoying listening to my mom after a while. “Ooooh is she ok!!!!!!!!!â€.. “Yes mom. She’s fine.†Apparently I’m mean for putting head wraps on my daughter because they are “so uncomfortableâ€. I’m also mean for making her go down for naps when she doesn’t “want toâ€. She’s 5 months old! My father also seems to lack self esteem. He has always been very condescending, always talking to me like he knows everything, using words like “You just don’t understand..†It drives me crazy. Especially now that I have a baby, he’s constantly judging how I’m raising my daughter and believes he has all the answers. He believes that he’s never done anything wrong when it comes to parenting us kids.. My little girl can sometimes be fussy, and he actually said he thinks it’s because of how we’re raising her. What! Also, speaking of embarrassing, I have never, in 28 years, seen my dad brush his teeth or wash his hands. He used to call me Howard Hughes because I would wash my hands before helping them make dinner back when I lived at home. Growing up, my house was so incredibly dirty. There were these gross larvae things living in our carpets. I remember seeing them in my stuffed animals, and when I told my mom, she just said it was nothing and they never did anything about it. My mom would always let the household cat into my sister’s closet, when my sister asked her to stop doing that because she would always throw up in there, but I remember my mom always opening it for her. It’s like she didn’t even find that gross! I also remember my mom snooping around my sister’s room for hours trying to find her diary. One day she even read to me parts of her diary that were about me, in a negative way!! Recently, when my mom came to my house, she was telling me how my sister is depressed, and even went on to read to me parts of a private email she wrote. As if I can trust my mom! I can’t tell her when I’m low or feeling sad.. The whole world will know about it! Am I crazy for not wanting to be around them? My husbands parents are completely different and it’s refreshing spending time with them. My parents are just so crazy, it’s intolerable. Am I crazy for thinking this? I’m always feeling guilty about it. It eats me up!
  8. I'm from Japan, but I recently graduated college in America and am returning for work after seeing my family for a short visit. I have a better chance at having a career in the states (I am American/Japanese), so this visit home might be my last for a long time because we probably can't afford any more trips home for me. I'm heartbroken, my family has always been very close and I'm going to miss them so much. My parents, my sister, my two dogs, my cats, the island I lived on for twenty years, the house I was born in. I can't stop crying. What should I do???
  9. This past year of my life i guess you can say my mind has opened a lot, my views has changed a lot. most of my family are Christians. i was taught as a little girl that there was a god, i went to church with my family for years. when when i was 13 i become depressed and suicidal. but out through all of that i still kept my faith. every morning when i got up i would thank him for waking me up. i would pray at school, if i had to do a speech i would pray for him to help me get through it. when i went to sleep at night i would talk to him a good while. i was a Christian and i did not care who knew... but now this past year i don't have the same faith anymore i stopped talking to god. and i started wondering if there is a god.. i have been learning about Buddhism. witch gets my mom upset.. but i'm not converting to it. i feel like right now i'm agnostic.. i just don't know how i can tell my family with out hurting them. and sorry i'm bad at spelling and grammar.
  10. So the title says it all. I am pretty much giving up on my family. And by family, I mean my mom, dad, and sister (not my wife, who has been forever supportive). I am to the point where I am writing them up as a loss and honestly I am not feeling to bad about accepting that. I am very much a family oriented person, and I believe that family is one of the most important things. That being said, I can't deal with them anymore. My father had an affair when I was younger and it destroyed our family. My parents stayed together but my mom got an irrational hatred of all things male...and I am a male. My life was hell for years. My dad has basically been trying to reassert his dominance as the patriarch of the family ever since, and I will never forget what he did to our family so I refuse to accept him in that role. Although I had come to accept both him and my mother as friends, and that is about as far as I was willing to go with it. My sister is like a rabid dog. She tends to be easy going, but at the most random times she will start hounding/harassing someone (usually me as that is the example she got growing up) about something and she will not let up. It is like she is trying her damnedest to make sure that you completely lose your temper and do something. She seems to enjoy making people lose control simply for the sake of watching them lose control. Honestly if she was a boy I would've whooped on her a few times by now. My wife and I have spent the past 4 days at their house for about 8-10 hours a day, as my grandmother flew up from Virginia and I haven't been able to see her for years. I should've known that this much family time would lead to disaster and it surely did. Basically my mom stormed off (something she likes to do now to goad my father into "defending her honor") and my father and sister chose that moment to start haranguing me about something I had said (interestingly enough my grandmother just watched, but later said she knew I was in the right). Now with the life I have led and the fights I have been in (I tallied them up one day it was over 20, my youth was fairly violent on both a physical, mental, and emotional level) I don't like being ganged up on, and that is exactly how it appeared to me as they had both backed me into a corner and wouldn't leave me alone. My wife saw the whole thing and tried to defend me, but she is an extremely nice person by nature and was mostly ignored. I basically used my size (I am a pretty good sized guy, and much stronger than I appear) to break out of the conversation and my wife and I left. I do still plan on going back 1 more time as I left some personal belongings there and I want them back. But I have honestly gotten to the point where I feel that my life would be better off without them. They cause me loads of stress and drama. They expect me to help them with all their problems, and then berate me when I take up that role. My biggest regret is that I won't be spending the final 4 days of my grandmothers trip visiting her as I honestly just can't deal with them anymore. I am being 100% serious when I say this, if I have to go back there for any sort of extended period of time it could very likely lead to violence. I am at the end of my limits, and ready to break. I do have a few days to cool off before my grandmother will get back from doing some sightseeing but I do not think I will change my mind. I have come close to giving up on my family many times over the years. But I usually just suck it up and stick by them. But I have everything I need in my wife. And while it may be hard losing some family members that I have known for so long, I think it will be better for me in the long run. I find myself approaching this with a certain amount of reluctance because I will be losing family, but also hope because I will finally be rid of them. I think if I didn't feel the hope I wouldn't do this. But since I do feel the hope, I believe it is a move that I must follow through on. The fact that I feel hope at all says a lot about all of this. Any comments are welcome as I would like to talk to someone about this, rather than just vent my frustrations to the universe via my post lol.
  11. my uncle has been texting me and writing about me on fb..he keeps asking me how i feel about him. and the other day my friend said she saw him checking me out... so ive been trying to keep my distance away from him but he is getting really up set and texting me every 10 to 20 mins.. what should i do??? sorry for my bad spelling and grammar. Anonymous poster hash: b2e7d...a26
  12. It's always been a tradition in my family (on my mom's side, at least, anyways) for the mothers to give birth to their firstborns at home. All the subsequent children can be born in the hospital. And my mom's side of the family are sticklers for tradition. My uncle, being the eldest, was born at home. My great uncle was born at home. I was born at home (my baby brother and baby sisters were born in the hospital as agreed upon). So I've been thinking lately: Should I break with tradition when the time comes? It's a modern world, and I'm pretty sure whoever I'm going to marry would want to give birth in the hospital, firstborn or not. What do y'all think?
  13. Hi so my mom has had several back surgeries, and has to get a new one, this time it's a laser procedure, and she's getting 3 surgeries on her back in like a span of 2-3 days. We live in ga, and she has to drive to florida, they said she has to take a family member or members with her to help, hotel is paid for and on the beach through the insurance (must be nice riiiight) and meals are paid for while she's in surgery/recovery, blah blah blah basically a vacation for the family members while you get surgery, sounds awesome. I have a medical background, I've helped mom with back surgery before, so it doesn't bother me to change dressings or even if need be help her in the bathroom which I've done. My sister, is anti anything medical. She won't go near it unless her kids or her need something but she doesn't help with anything she finds it all nasty. She however can feed horses/livestock etc, and my mom has horses she needs fed. With that being said... she chose me to go with her on this excursion. She asked if I could help I said I could if it wasn't going to cost an arm and a leg since my fiance is in military training, I have 2 kids I'll have to bring as well. She says basically all she wants me for is to drive, and to check the dressings when there are no medical staff around, make sure she is ok and I already know what to look for. I want to go, but I can't help but feel like I'm going to piss SOMEONE off mainly my sister, we already don't have the best relationship either. I don't know I just am trying to not piss everyone off but I always piss someone off. As it is I never get a break from the kids, so it won't be like I'm getting a break either, they'll be running on the beach. I'm supposed to get respite care for my son and his special needs but that's all on hold. I just feel like she's going to think I'm just there because it's a "free vacation" and that's what she's going to start telling everyone and that she's more deserving, and blah blah, which she's done things like this before. We both know for a fact though I'm the qualified one to go. I have neck issues myself and can't lift the hay bales to feed the horses and I'm not all country girl lets saddle em up if they happened to get loose, I'd end up calling animal control to help me lol. Am I crazy. Anonymous poster hash: 93175...c71
  14. As some of you may already know, Aisha is my mother and she has been quite ill as of late so I've been worried sick. Many people have kept her in their prayers, and for that I am eternally grateful because despite all that has gone wrong, things could have been so much worse. I believe the positivity has made a difference. I don't know how much detail she wants me to leave out, privacy is a huge part of our lives and that's why I am so hesitant to make posts, but there comes a point where you cannot let it lie in the dark any longer. So, to those who have kept my mom in your thoughts and prayers, I ask you to keep doing so, things have become more serious since then. And anyone else who feels compelled to pray for my mom's healing, I thank you. To get to the real problem, I found out this morning that my mom has cancer. Much is still unknown and will remain so until Monday when she sees an oncologist to find out what type of cancer it is and what stage it is in. She recently underwent an operation to remove parts of her stomach and colon due to growths, but the cancer had already spread to her lymph glands by that time. It looks like Chemotherapy will have to be done. Thank you for reading this far, and also for any healing thoughts/energy you extend to her. God-willing, she will have a swift and full recovery from this. This post will be updated when I get more information.
  15. Do I have a right to be jealous? I love my baby sister to pieces, to death. Whether she's one year old, or seven, or sixteen, heck, even when she reaches her sixties, I'll always see her as the baby sister I'm protective of and love dearly. If I could compare our relationship to that of any fictional siblings, I'd say ours is pretty much like Edmund and Lucy's relationship in Narnia. After Edmund realized how stupid he was, he and Lucy grew close. They were the closest of the Pevensie siblings. But sometimes, I'm also jealous of my little sister. See, sometimes our youth group leader assigns other members to lead Bible study. It's sometimes either his brother, or his best friend, or this guy named Fred (who, I will admit, is really good and knows his stuff). Sometimes he asks my little sister to lead. But not me. Never me. I love my sister to bits but I can't help but be jealous of her sometimes. I mean, she's younger than me and yet she's leading small group? It's not that I can't--it's just that our youth group leader never gives me the chance. Our mom has this theory that because I know my stuff, he feels threatened and jealous of me so he never gives me the chance.
  16. This is about my aunt again. From time to time, she stays with us. She has a room where she sleeps, etcetera. One time, she was at our house and I was watching CSI. And they were performing an autopsy on the body. So they have a naked morgue in the corpse, covered by a sheet. My aunt didn't like it because it was a woman and it was naked. And one of the CSIs mentioned rape. (You know how some episodes deal with rape or drugs or affairs and there's a lot of partying and what have you.) She demanded I turn it of because it was "lewd". I argued with her, she won, I had to turn the TV off and MISS the episode! What the actual ****?! Doesn't she know that a corpse HAS TO BE naked when it's being examined in the morgue?
  17. I applied for a fantastic job the other day, and it's looking good so far. As in I may actually get it! But the problem is, they've just told me they're going to be really busy over christmas and will need to train people, & I have christmas plans to spend with my family (who live a long way from me so I rarely see them). Does this mean I can't go back home if I do get the job? Or should I just be honest in the interview and say I'm taking a few days over christmas to see them? Anonymous poster hash: a8f2e...cc4
  18. A few family members are currently on holiday visiting me, but one of them so being so disgusting, I honestly feel like sending them all home. They keep burping, farting, chewing their food loudly, & making a sound effect with EVERY action they do (they yawn, I get to hear a big EEEEEEEERRRHHHHH with it, or they stretch AAAHHHH DEAR OH DEAR) & it's honestly driving me insane. I cannot stand people who chew their food like a barn yard animal, & there is no need to be burping (& not excusing yourself) literally every several minutes. I don't care if I sound rude, it's so disgusting & I cannot deal with this behaviour for another week. I live by myself, so I like having peace & quiet, & I can't get that if I'm hearing a "BUUUURRRP" constantly. They don't do it in public so why do they feel the need to do it in my house? I found wearing head phones while watching something blocks it out for a bit but I can't sit there doing that all day every day. I like having them here, so what can I do to let them know they're being disgusting & to stop being so annoying? I don't want to say "wow you burp a lot" because I feel that's rude (it doesn't help they're drinking soda for breakfast, lunch, & tea), but it's getting to the point where I'm so frustrated I'm going to yell at them. I don't want to be rude to them but I also don't want to be laying in bed (I'm unfortunately sharing a bed with the filthy behaviour one) & have them making sound effects each time they roll over & disturb my sleep. Ugh. Family, can't live with them, can't live without them ;__; I guess this is just a rant. Please be someone else out there who knows my pain!! Anonymous poster hash: b7893...ad3
  19. I have no idea what is consider normal parenting or confused It is verbal abuse to: -call a kid a brat (angrily and yelling) -threaten to slap them across the face unless they shut up while in an argument -explode into rage yelling â€what the FUCK is wrong with you?! Why are you so fucking rude?!†(when you didnt even say anything that rude) and then when you say “im sorry i was just kiddingâ€, snorting and saying “yeah, were you.†-Blaming the kid for everything, taking no responsibility and NEVER saying sorry -ALWAYS getting angry at the kid whenever they seem sad or upset Is it abuse to: -Lock a elementary kid out of the house for speaking english -Slap them across the face for no good reason -Make them sit on tile in a weird way to make their legs hurt -Slapping them on the butt when they keep telling them to stop (not as punishment) Is it a dysfunctional family if: -Older sister is a drug dealer and does drugs -Younger sister steals from malls and weed from older sister -Parents never say “I love you†(but maybe thats just an asian thing. well I'm half asian) -Kid never looks parents in eyes, spends all time possible in room -Family never talks about their feelings or how their life is going And in all the sections, SO much more…i’m just covering the basics. and not including all the personal problems, emotions, ect. thank you for reading all of this...
  20. I've had girlfriends before, but they were all cheaters and liars--heartbreakers, every single one of them. And I've haven't had a girlfriend in a long time. I'm always in the friendzone these days. And the girl I'm in love with right now, my childhood sweetheart, belongs to someone else! It's so lonely being single that I'm actually tempted to ask a cousin out! Would that be justifiable? I mean, it looks like there's no one out there for me.
  21. Hi, so I’ve noticed that I am overly nice to strangers, but I feel really disgusted whenever my family or friends show concern or any affection towards me- even just saying “be carefulâ€. So much that it sometimes sends me into a rage and I scream into my pillow or throw things or cut myself. (although i make sure they don’t know) I’ve never had a really good relationship with my family and I think maybe abuse and neglect. Do I have reactive attachment disorder? But I’m 17 and I wasn’t like this as much when I was a child…isn’t RAD only developed as a child? Thanks! Anonymous poster hash: 66af5...71c
  22. I've been in a loving relationship with a transguy (FTM) for the past 7 months... For the first 4 months i tried to keep our relationship (and his gender identity) a secret from my family and friends (i knew they wouldn't accept it and he was very understanding about it all.) But the longer wed been together the more i knew deep in my heart that this is the person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with!! So i decide to introduce him to my family and friends... To say they were not understanding of our relationship is a huge understatement!! My family now refuses to talk to me (which really sucks because we were always so close) and I've lost all but two of my friends. I thought after a while my family at least, would get used to the idea and be more accepting... But its been months now and i dont know what to do!! On the one hand i dont want to lose my family but on the other hand i dont want to lose the love of my life... What would you do in this situation (where your family/friends dont approve of your SO)? Would you give up the person you love to keep your family? Or would you keep your family but lose the love of your life? Why can't they just be happy that he makes me happy!! Why does everything have to be so difficult!! Anonymous poster hash: 9e8e8...7a7
  23. Today I came home and I wasn't stressed out, I wasn't angry but I got home and I fed the family dog. Then I pulled out a knife and some cheese and I stabbed it million times and pretended it was my dog. And then I took the knife as he walked towards me and I was close to stabbing him but I didn't. I knew I couldn't not because I shouldn't kill my dog although I know I shouldn't but because then my family would send me to a hospital for the insane and I would be locked up for life. I also have had these thoughts before but about people, mostly my family. I don't know what to think of it. I've started prozac and it's been since then I've had these fantasies. Anonymous poster hash: 21c77...d81
  24. Synopsis (TLDR;) My dad racked up debt, is non-committal, may be feigning depression, and is impossible to talk to without offending. My family is falling apart, I feel responsible, and am seeking advice. I'm seeking feedback on my situation and possible suggestions for action, as I feel unable to make a sound decision due to emotional issues. The problem I'm facing revolves generally around my father, and specifically around my inability to understand his behavior. Fair warning, I find it difficult to express myself or relate a story without appearing long-winded and wordy. Some details before I begin: I am currently enrolled in my fourth and final year of undergraduate study. My father is middle-aged and lives with my mother in the suburbs of a large city in the Midwest. If you want the short(er) version skip to the second # on the left hand side of the page. # My father is horrible with money--awful at handling it, saving it, balancing it, earning it--all aspects of it, really. He works in a challenging field and, at one point, made around 60,000 dollars a year. Combined with my mother's salary of 30,000 or so, I had a privileged childhood that I remain very thankful for. Growing up, I often heard my parents argue about my dad's job, he had switched institutions three times since he began work in the late 80's, much to the dismay of my mother. She kept warning him that if he kept quitting there would soon be no more institutions in the area willing to hire him. When I was in the seventh grade, my father quit his job without informing any of us, somehow pretending to work for over a year while spending retirement savings, the college funds of my brother and I, borrowing against his pension, and racking up nearly 30,000 dollars in credit card debt on top of late mortgage payments. He spent without reserve during this time, assumedly to cover up his guilt. We received new phones; he purchased a boat, land outside of town, a new car, and finished our basement. The times were great while they lasted. Eventually my mother received a notice in the mail that revealed what my dad had done. Our house hadn't been paid off entirely (nor had the cars) and my mother didn't earn nearly enough to pay them off on her own. My parents fought and screamed for what seemed like an eternity. They threatened each other with divorce. This didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. What bothered me was when my mother wept; she waited until my father was gone and my brother and I were in bed. For some strange reason I still feel guilty that I could hear her. I realize now that I'm getting a bit away from my point, and will fast-forward a few years, refocusing the story on my brother, mother, and self. My brother and I were lucky enough to fit into the "gifted" category at school, he had excelled more than I, but we shared the same passion for learning and reading. He was dismayed by the loss of his college funds, but managed to get a full ride to a top-rated university. He worked throughout school to purchase himself a car and provide for living expenses. Looking to his example, I began working 27 to 36 hours a week at a local store, more in the summers, in preparation for college. All the while, my father began selling off ill-gotten property and took a job making 40,000 dollars a year. He made it very clear to me that he could not help me pay for college; I understood his impossible position but will not pretend I was without resentment. I followed in my brother's footsteps some years later, entering the same university with around 80% of my tuition covered by scholarship. Due to my parent's combined income, I received no income-based aid. For my first year of school I lacked decent health insurance, a car, a laptop, and a meal plan. Working regular time, and not without student loans, I have purchased these things for myself, and am currently spending what I presume to be my last summer staying with my parents in our suburban home. My mother often offers to help make payments, and I realize she would follow through, but I don't want her to lose what little she's saved by taking a second job during our troubles. This brings us to present day (again, I apologize for the lengthy preface). # During my time away at university, my father has worked at four different institutions, spending nearly half of his time unemployed. Within six shifts at a new job, he would begin to complain that the working conditions are unsafe, or the environment is hostile, or the drive too taxing. He would then promptly quit, leaving numerous black marks on his resume and stressing my mother to no end. They are now both nearing retirement age, and he’s still paying off debts accrued during his vacation from reality some eight years ago. This past winter he took up a taxing job with wonderful benefits and an impressive salary. He seemed cheerier, and my parents appeared to be as, if not more, happy than they had been in a long time. Last week I returned from my apartment at school to find my mother once again distraught, and that my father had quit his job once again. This time, he introduced a new all-encompassing explanation for his behavior and truant tendencies: depression. He revealed to me that he had been diagnosed with anxiety, but not GAD, a year ago and has been prescribed a mixture of anti-anxiety medication coupled with Ritalin to counter-act the grogginess. I was shocked by this revelation, my father was taking uppers in the morning, downers at night and, according to my observations, liberally following his doctors orders to use “as needed†throughout the day. I do not treat this depression lightly, my brother and I have suffered from it in varying degrees requiring professional attention throughout our lives. My father has never--and in my opinion still does not--show any symptoms of the disorder. He claims to be too depressed to work and sometimes even to eat. I notice that, while he “cannot†work professionally, he spends his free time gardening, fishing, playing the guitar, and surfing the internet. He frequently skips meals my mother and I prepare, but I often find fast food bags and snack food containers hidden in the bottom of our trash bins. It infuriates me that he makes a point of looking depressed when my mother and I get ready for work in the morning by staying in bed and feigning a lack of appetite*. *A quick example, today I left for work while my dad was in bed without my tie, I returned briefly after leaving to fetch it. When I entered the house my father was eating cereal in front of the TV he had hastily turned off when he heard me open the door. This event is largely responsible for my current rant. My brother escaped much of the financial ruin, I have attempted to overcome it, but my mother is constantly bearing the price of my father’s whims. I’ve racked my brain for solutions or even peace of mind, but I remain limited by the fact he’s very temperamental, and has reacted almost violently to my attempts to verbalize financial concerns in the past. I don’t feel entitled to the money he’s lost, but I do feel responsible for the fate of our family. My brother has nearly abandoned the problems of our family since he moved away (we still keep in touch), my father plays the part of a child refusing to attend Sunday service because he wants to play with toys and watch cartoons, and my mother cries at night. Life at university is hard, and I feel like I have no time to myself due to hours of wage work, scholarship jobs, and studying, but returning to my parent’s house is a thousand times more trying. I’m afraid my dad is noncommittal enough to abandon my mother if I don’t keep coming home to mediate over breaks or possibly even petty enough to flee if I merely embarrass him by speaking candidly about the matter. I’m afraid my mother will break-down if I stop coming home or cease calling her every week while at school to listen to her vent and seek consultation. I’m afraid my brother will pull further away until he’s completely unwilling to support my parents in old age when they inevitably grow too old to work if I stop keeping in close contact with him and his wife. I’m afraid I won’t be able to support them on my own while maintaining my own life and saving for a future family of my own. Advice for future action, comments on my harsh attitude towards my father, suggestions on coping are all welcome and sought. I often seek solace in books, and in writing this summary of my anxieties I was constantly reminded of Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.†Tolstoy hit the mark, but it brings little comfort; I feel that unhappy families are unhappy in ineffable ways, and I regret not being able to fully communicate many aspects of our scenario in this appeal. I would be remiss not to once again apologize for my long-windedness and thank anyone who took the time to read my often pretentious and always depressing style of writing.
  25. I know that when it comes to pregnancy there's the whole pro-life and I will say this now: Do not preach your religion to me and tell me I have to keep the kid or I'm going to hell or anything else like that. I do not want to hear anything about religion because I am not affiliated with a religion that is pro-life or pro-choice. It is all a matter of opinion and I do not wish to read any reply that makes me out to be a terrible person when you do not know me. I just need some advice on this situation. Thank you. So not too long ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I look about 3 or 4 months, but I haven't been to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy or anything because I don't have health insurance. What I need advice on is whether or not I should keep the baby. There are many influences in my life that make me think about both options. I am 19 years old and I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I have been with for almost 4 years and have known for 6 years. (Yes we are high school sweethearts.) I am going to college full time in order to become a nurse, so my tuition is higher than the base tuition. I do not have a job, due to it being extremely hard to find one and not having much time for a job while going to school. Also I recently quit the job I had because it was a fast food job that refused to follow the law and would only give me a 30 minute lunch break when I worked for 12 hours (literally open to close). My fiance does has a decent paying job, but he only makes a little more than $1000 a month. My mother knows about the pregnancy and wishes for me to keep the kid because she is against abortions (unless it's for health reasons or pregnancy due to being raped). My maternal grandmother also knows about it but she wants me to get an abortion because she doesn't want "my life to be ruined" and for me to have to "give up on being a nurse." No one on my dad's side of the family knows because he does not involve himself with my life and hasn't since I was 8 years old. My grandfather doesn't know because I'm terrified to tell him. The reason for me being terrified is because he hates my fiance (don't really know why, but there are guesses as to why...that's a different subject though) and he's a retired marine. I think he might try to throw my honey through a window or something because "I'm his baby girl" and he'll see me being pregnant as an extremely bad thing and that my honey is a terrible person because I'm pregnant. So lots of stress and mix feelings when it comes to my family. Now I know I'll be able to get food stamps, WIC and health insurance through the state if I keep the kid. I don't know if I would be able to get W-2 though. So I know I'll have help with supporting the kid, since we only have about $500 left over each month after the bills are paid and all that money goes to buying food and other things for the household, which is myself, my fiance, and my childhood friend who I see as a sister (who can not budget her money and has practically $0 to her name each month even though she has a job). My mom is willing to help but she doesn't have a job so I really don't know how she would be able to help. She says that she could babysit the kid while me and my honey are at school/work and that she can get paid through the state by doing so. That money that she gets would then come back to supporting the little one. I know I can balance many things at once, for instance when I was a senior in an IB (which is similar to AP but harder and the credits from the tests are accepted by colleges around the world) high school I also had a job where I worked about 38 hours a week and I was in a musical that required me to be at about 3 practices each week (each practice was from 3pm until 6pm). I survived that pretty well even though I did need to take a few mental days in order to not have nervous/mental break-downs. I know we would make good parents, but I'm so afraid that the kid will grow up not having a room of their own or many clothes to wear or much to eat... We live in a small 2 bedroom in the upper level of a duplex. We're not in the best of neighborhoods because we can't afford $800 or more in rent (not including utilities) each month to live in a better area. Now the section of the neighborhood that we're in is better than 9 more blocks north. If we were in that area, I would be afraid to be on my porch with 5 other people, and then to have a kid over there...I think I would rather die than ever have a kid be raised in an area that you hear gun shots and cops on a daily/hourly basis. So I don't know what to health isn't the greatest because before now we barely even had $100 after bills to buy food with so I was barely eating. We also didn't have money for vitamins or anything... Plus I have asthma, a very low immune system and a ton of back/pain issues. So I really do need to go to a doctor to get on the medications I should be on. If I don't have the kid, in order to get food stamps and/or health care I need to work at least 20 hours a week. So if I don't find a better paying job I'm afraid that the only way I can get to a doctor is by having the kid. Please help...and again...don't preach religion to be. Just tell me if I should or shouldn't keep the kid and use parts of my life to support your opinion on the matter. Or if you have a personal example (like if you went through this type of situation) then use that to help in telling me which option I should choose. Thank you for your help.