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I am so lost and can't seem to be okay. Long story short... At the beginning of the year, I lost my mother on my birthday. I have been numb to it on and off. I just try to shut it out of my head. My boyfriend tried to be here for me but with my depression becoming worse, he didn't know how to. He helped me get signed up for a therapist and see a doctor. I haven't started therapy yet and I really need to cuz I feel like I'm losing it... Then a month ago, a tornado took out my boyfriends house. Nothing could be saved. I tried to gather as many donations I could get to help him out. I'm trying to be here for him and his family but he is constantly shutting me out. He has started being really mean towards me.. it is now to the point where he won't answer the phone or any texts.. When I do see him, he is never in a good mood and tells me how annoying I am when I am in a bubbly happy mood. I've noticed even towards his mom he is in a bad mood. He has quit his job and barely leaves his hotel room. He has fallen into a depression, which is completely understandable. Today, he finally answered the phone and he didn't have anything nice to say. He told me I needed to be free of him and walk away. He feels nothing is going to get better and he doesn't want to continually drag me down with him. This really hurts me because I love him so deep. I can't imagine life without him. He used to say we were soulmates and now he won't even look at me. He's the only person I have since my mom has passed. I literally feel like I can't take anymore. I just want to be okay... I don't know what to do, I'm so lost and hurt. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. How can I support him? How can this relationship be turned around?
We row; Row and row; Each ripple draws us further away; Further away from the shore; We look back from time to time; To comfort yourselves; That the shore still exist; That we know where we are; Until one day we look back; And see nothing; All is the same; Thus we lost ourselves; Between rows; With each stroke; We were fading; Like grains of sand, fading; Fading away one by one; Until - no more; So we ask yourselves; How did I arrive here? And what direction shale I go? Reality turns into a nightmare; The nightmare turns into numbness; The numbness of sorrow; With no direction, we are lost; We are lost! Bounded by fear; We lay down our anchors; Settling with confusion, misery, routine and security; Break the anchor; And row; Row until you find yourself; Your emotion, your desire, your purpose and your life! And live, live the way you want too; And then row some more; For nothing ever stays the same;
I can't help feeling like I'm losing him. My logical side tells me that he's just not talking to me as much because he just started fire fighting on top of a part time job and going to college. Logic also tells me that the tiredness that results from that is the reason even the quality of our conversations are starting to slip... ...but my girl side is growing sadder by the minute. In a long distance relationship, all you even HAVE is your communication, and if that's gone, what do you have? And why does he keep trying to make me jealous by telling me girls are checking him out now that he's a fire fighter? (He told me today he'd stop trying to make me jealous) I just don't know what to do. It's too soon to move there, but I feel like I'm losing him. I feel like maybe he takes it for granted that I'm gonna just always be there and that I don't need attention and effort from him. How did this happen? How did he turn me into the one pining for him?? He used to be the one asking for updates on all of his competition.