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Found 5 results

  1. In my mind I’m better. I’m smarter, more focused, more desired, more respectable, and just all around better so why does she get to experience this before me? I don’t mean any harm by this and don’t intend to act out of it. I’ve done a good job of controlling this because I know what it’s about. It’s my ego. The same ego that inspires me to be great and pursue my dreams makes me angry, irritated and depressed at the thought of another woman getting to something before me even though I make myself so available to that very thing. It’s not even about it being just*anything*. It’s about love. True love. That’s MY thing. I’m the Cancer sign. I’m the lover and hippy and hopeless romantic. She’s a Gemini lol. She gets to say she has experienced love and has someone that’s in love with her right now. She leaves in the middle of the night and gets texts and phone calls and has intimacy. Yeah their relationship is a mess, they’re not together (or ever really were officially to begin with), she’s distracted from school and I would never want their drama. But at least they HAVE something. I’m green with envy. Every part of me hates this fact. What’s wrong with me? Someplace deep down I know I’m happy for her and I hope everything works out for her and Peter. However, the snooty egotistical part of me wants it all to go wrong for her so she won’t get to true love and happiness before me. It wouldn’t be fair. She is promiscuous, has daddy issues, lets guys walk all over her, and is not as pretty as me. So what’s the deal? Please know that I’d NEVER admit this to anyone. I ‘m barely allowing myself to admit this feeling to myself without judgement. I’m trying to express this and let it go. Because there’s a lot of pain here. It’s not her fault and again this has nothing to do with her as a person. She has great qualities. She is cute, she dresses nicely, she’s down to earth and a talented writer and cook. I care about her. She’s friendly and she’s good at making websites lol. I’m sure she’d be a very loving wife/girlfriend/mother/sister, etc. She is wise but I’m more mature I think. I make better grades and better decisions lol. I want her to be happy but the little girl in me is rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum and screaming at how unfair the world is. I’ve shied away from this feeling, shoot I didn’t even understand it at first but I think I get it now. *I* want be a great lover/friend/sister/mom/wife/girlfriend. *I* want to be a great cook. *I* want to be talented. I mean, those last two things I know will come with time so I’m not too pressed. I’m only in college. But the love part? That gets to my core. Because I’m putting in effort and want it SO badly. I’ve dreamed about this since I understood what true love is. I’m sure every little girl has but I always felt that I felt it stronger because I’m such a sensitive person. I’m frustrated because I can’t make it happen on my own. So I’m here wanting and desiring something that is totally out of my control. Hopeless romantic. I’m such a driven and goal-oriented person it’s so unbelievable that this isn’t one of those things I can write down and make happen. Just by the power of intention. That’s how I manifest all of my other goals. But for some reason this one has yet to happen. I think as long as I see myself as a lover and hopeless romantic and desire this “out-of-this-world†kind of true love I will always be jealous of her. So how do I move on from this? How do I suppress my ego? I do my best to give her neutral advice when she comes to me and not talk down about her guy or tell her to leave him, even when it was going badly. I gave her the power to decide and didn’t let my jealousy get the better of me. But how can I genuinely be happy for her without any resentment? Because I think behind the jealousy is a lot of pain. I want to be a good friend to her. How can I be patient for my own love story especially when I feel like I’m drifting and not making any headway with the guys I’m interested in? It takes a lot of strength to make good decisions about guys and I'm lucky to have family to guide me in the right direction. But what if all I get out of that is loneliness in the end? Much love CollegeGirl
  2. Hi everyone, I found this website on Google and was hoping to get some help from people more experienced than me. Please bare with me if this is long and juvenile, I have basically no experience with dating and just need some clarity. Basically I have a huge crush on this guy and everything is going so left. What I think is that he's playing around with my feelings but I want to get more opinions. Long story short I met him two years ago as a freshman because we are in the same research program on my college campus. I thought he was attractive since back then but never really thought too much about it until this year when I became an advisor in the program and started working closer with him. He's a year older than me and became an advisor last year and ironically ended up advising me. This year, I had tried to be really professional and not express my feelings to him since it's a working relationship but it's so hard to control body language. We usually see each other once a week (sometimes not even that often) when we have our seminars and we play around and flirt. I tried to send him hints like sending him a dm (it was my girlfriends who did it actually after I showed them his page on Instagram lol), asking irrelevant questions and I even drunk dialed him on FaceTime and hung up right after (extremely embarrassing I know). I assumed he wasn't really into me because he never attempted to hang out after class, text me or ask me out and even though he brought up my attempts at flirting (mortifying) he never really tried to go further. So I decided to get over the feelings and move on because I hated the fact that I liked a guy that was clearly rejecting me. Then one day in class he starts telling me about his ex girlfriend and how she's trying to come back into his life even though she has a boyfriend and he can't help but hook up with her blah blah. This got me so heartbroken, I didn't get why he was mentioning her if he's been flirting with me. Clearly he was friend zoning me, so I just listened and try to give him advice as best as I could. He also mentioned that he got a FaceTime from me and I was so embarrassed I told him it was an accident. The conversation was so weird cuz he was talking about her but it was like he was sending subliminals and I didn't notice that until I was thinking about it afterwards. So after that there was a long period of time that we didn't have class and we didn't really communicate other than snapchat (which he added me idk if to be friendly or what). When we came back I casually asked him when our other coworker was around why a guy would talk about his ex to a girl he was interested in other than to friend zone her. He said it doesn't necessarily mean he's friend zoning her maybe it's because he hasn't noticed this girl before and something could still happen between the two. He then went on to say how he ended up dating this girl even though they always used to talk about their dates to each other. After that he texts me if I'm going to be in the office and when I say no and ask why he says "just wondering". Then he texts late at night about doing work that wasn't going to be due at all and saying he'd send me an email the next day that he never sent lol. So fast forward to our most recent class, he's again mentioning Instagram models he thinks are cute or dates he's about to go on or he'd talk to our instructor about girls he was flirting with deliberately in front of me. After a while it became obvious he was trying to make me jealous. I didn't get why he wouldn't just say he likes me or that he knows I like him if that was his end goal, instead of trying to make me jealous. And it's hard to describe but when we're together I can feel that there's something more, like I said it's hard to hide body language but I'm not sure if the feelings are just one sided from me, I mean he must be feeling something too? Anyway, when he mentions his ex or other girls I usually just tease him and play it off. I mean, he's the guy, why isn't he asking me out? And he knows I like him at this point if he felt the same he could easily take things further if he wanted to. I get that it's the 21st century and women have power but I don't feel comfortable asking him out or trying to take initiative because even though it's clear he's noticing me, it seems as though he's playing around. He's cute he knows he can get girls easily. I feel like if I try to text him or ask to hang out he's gonna be like GOTCHA and tell me he's not interested and make me feel stupid for thinking he was into me at all and I don't think my self-esteem is ready for that. I think he just wants the satisfaction of seeing me mad over his dates or get me to admit I like him and I don't want to give him the satisfaction. And if that IS what he's trying to do that's really disappointing because he seems like such a nice guy to do something so petty. So again, I'm trying to ignore all of this and just move on but its so hard I've been depressed because I can't get him out of my mind, I always fantasize about him but I can't tell him and every time I think about him (which is always) it's like the embarrassment is fresh all over again. Thanks for reading and hopefully you have something helpful to tell me to help me get over this and please be kind I know a lot of this is childish.
  3. What are everyones thoughts on the increasing acceleration of the feminist movement? I've been reading Simone de Beauvoir's Second Sex and it's helped open my eyes a little bit, despite being a very repetitive yet dense read. Emma Watson's speech? Recent exposure of celebrity photos? Any incidents in your own communities? Was there much going on in the 90s regarding feminism? I wasn't really paying attention to it at that age so for me it seems like it's really booming recently. Any older characters care to offer insight on its evolution?
  4. i have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. We have been friends online four 4 years but never met, he always had a crush on me, but for some reason i didnt trust meeting people over the internet. But finally i said sure why not. We went on a date and he the perfect gentleman! Held doors open for me, complimented me alot, very affectionate and on top of that very good looking, fit, very nice income, very smart and successful. I thought i hit the jack pot. But of course dealing with that many pros there has to be a con or two. Didnt see any and couldnt believe it. But the issue was that he wanted to make me his girlfriend fairly fast, im one to take it slow. And he also said i love you pretty fast too. After some thought i was like yes lets be in a relationship. Everything was great the only slight concerns i had was that he said he has bad anger issues that got him in trouble in the past. So lets fast forward. It seems every month he wants to break up cause he feels he doesnt give me enough time *we spend 3 times a week together that is cool with me*, and that him getting his P.h.d. in docterine along with work and me is stressing him out. First im childish and too young, then he feels cause i didnt go to college is bad, i wouldnt fit in with his life style cause i havent accomplish as much yet and that we dont match. He is 27 and im 21. But the break up only last a day or two. He says he see marriage in me and kids and believe i have a pure soul and he just cant see himself with anyone else. He once was engaged but she had died in a car crash and he tells me he hasnt felt this way bout anyone but her and now me. But if he sees all that in me why keep going back in forth with breaking up every month it seems. i have never asked him for material things or money wise cause i can handle my own and he said he was used in the past by selfish women. i havent met his family he has met mine though and my friends. We do go out in public together and so its not like im a secret. I just wish i knew what was going through his mind. i do love him also. What do yall believe is up with him?
  5. My boyfriend was skyping me and my young sisters were playing with me, then when I was clipping my sister's nails he said "you're such a mom" haha and I'm just curious if that's an attractive quality in a girl because I know I love a man who plays with kids! Possibly it goes both ways because of evolutionary stuff