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Found 17 results

  1. I have an exam coming up and I'm a little stuck on a complex number question. I've done the majority of it (or understood most of it) but there's one thing I'm stuck on: i being the square root of -1 why is e^-i*pi/4 equal to e^i*7pi/4?
  2. The Atrophy of the Arts

    I wrote this essay as a final, choosing something important and close to home, something that has affected me personally. I would love to hear what the community thinks about this ongoing dilemma. You enter the auditorium and find your seat. For the next 2 hours you enjoy a amazing performance, brilliant storytelling, magical musical numbers, and the amazement that comes from watching people doing things that they love. When I was in high school, this was one of my favorite activities. Nothing made me happier than being on stage, performing my heart out, and whenever I couldn’t be up front, I’d be in the audience, cheering on my fellow Thespians from high schools all over the state. In my small town high school, the arts were not an important part of the curriculum. In fact, in my 4 years there I worked under 6 different instructors as heads of our program. There was nothing stable and it seemed like, despite the student's best efforts, the subject we adored could be canceled at any minute. As I traveled from high school to high school to see shows, I began to see and hear things that sounded very similar to our own struggles, and by the time I had graduated, I understood. This wasn't a small problem that only my school was dealing with, it was a large one that was sweeping the entire country. I realized that the arts in schools must be saved and reinstated because they provide so much to our students and our society in general through the skills they teach and the benefit they bring to our global economy. Everyone knows that the arts tend to come in second to other programs in schools throughout our education system, but just how bad is the decline? According to Valeriya Metla, a columnist for Law Street Media with a Bachelor's degree in regional studies, “During the 1999-2000 school year, 20 percent of schools offered dance and theatre classes, but in the 2009-10 school year, only 3 percent of schools allocated funds for dance classes, and only 4 percent taught theatre ” (Metla). But what has caused this horrifying drop? One primary reason is educational budget cuts.Since the recession of 2008, it is estimated that more than 80% of schools across the nation have experienced substantial cuts to their budget (Metla). Often schools are forced to pick and choose what subjects they want to support. With the implementation of the No Child Left Behind Act and Common Core, there is a heavy pressure on schools to emphasis the importance of Core subjects such as mathematics, science and literature. As a result, many times arts programs are left to fend for themselves or shut down entirely. Many people are unaware, however, that the Elementary and Secondary Education Act classified theatre as a Core subject, and in 2015 the Every Child Achieves Act expanded this to cover all arts programs (Senate Passes Every Child Achieves Act). This means that, by law, the arts are just as important in a student's education as math, reading and science. As the Arts Education Partnership states, “Learning in and through the arts develops the essential knowledge, skills, and creative capacities all students need to succeed in school, work, and life” (What School Leaders can do to Increase Arts Education). According to a 2005 Harris Poll, ninety three percent of Americans said that the arts are vital to providing a well-rounded education for children (Artists in the Workforce). Despite this, many people view the arts as something that should, by reason, come secondary in education, and even to other elective programs such as DECA or Athletics. This view has proved a powerful force in the arts placement in school curriculum, as pointed out respected educational leader and college Professor Ken Robinson in his 2006 TED talk, Do Schools Kill Creativity?, saying: “Every education system on Earth has the same hierarchy of subjects. Every one. Doesn't matter where you go. You'd think it would be otherwise, but it isn't. At the top are mathematics and languages, then the humanities, and at the bottom are the arts. Everywhere on Earth. And in pretty much every system too, there's a hierarchy within the arts. Art and music are normally given a higher status in schools than drama and dance. There isn't an education system on the planet that teaches dance everyday to children the way we teach them mathematics” (Do Schools Kill Creativity?) All around the world, the arts are at the bottom rung of the course ladder. What does this show our students? As Elliot Eisner reflects in his book Ten Lessons the Arts Teach, “The art’s position in the school curriculum symbolizes to the young what adults believe is important” (Eisner 57), Asserting that as these children grow, the arts become nothing more than a extra in our society and to our children. Even so, It has been well documented just how valuable artistic influence is on our students, both in personal and academic growth. “First and foremost, art education improves the overall performance of students, including in the core academic subjects that are often emphasized by standardized testing requirements. Students who took four years of art classes scored ninety one points higher on their SAT exams than those who took half a year or less,” says Metla. In fact, students of the arts have been documented to consistently outperform their peers in this mother of all standardized tests. But it’s not only in testing where arts students seem to excel, as Metla explains, “Multiple studies also confirmed that there is a correlation between art engagement and students’ other achievements. Students who regularly participated in art classes were four times more likely to be recognized for their achievements” (Metla). Mounting evidence shows that arts-poor schools are consistently out-performed by students in arts-rich learning environments (What School Leaders Can Do to Increase Arts Education). This trend doesn't stop outside of education, as documented in Robert Root-Bernstein’s writing Sparks of Genius, “There have been studies dating back a hundred years that document the connection between arts avocation and Nobel Prize winners in science. Arts involvement is a predictor of success in the sciences” (The Advocacy Game). It's even been documented that Nobel Prize winning scientists are a whopping twenty-five percent more likely to sing, dance, or act than their non-acclaimed counterparts, a correlation explained by Nobel Prize winning scientist Jacob Shaman, who said, ”An equation is like a script- acting taught me how to read equations” (The Advocacy Game). Many extraordinarily successful people accredit their success, at least in part, to the skills that they learned studying in the arts in their secondary education. But what skills could they have learned in the arts that would help them so much in later life? As said by the Lake Research Partners, “An education in the arts makes a major contribution to participating in a group or being a team player, learning to set goals and respecting multiple values and perspectives” (New Poll Reveals Stifling Imagination in Schools Underlies Innovation and Skills Deficit). Performing arts put people in the spotlight and teach them to work under pressure, so they are more equipped to rise in a challenging work environment. They show people that there often is more than one point of view to any issue or moment, as no two artists interpret the same thing in the exact same way. Eisner believes that “the arts teach children that problems can have more than one solution and that questions can have more than one answer” (Eisner). Theatre teaches communication, and people who communicate more effectively are far more likely to work well in large and small teams and have more potential as leaders in any activity. Dancers develop discipline as they do the same routine over and over, training their body as much as any other athlete. Painters have an expressive outlet and develop stress-coping skills. Filmographers learn patience as they repeat scenes dozens of times looking for that one perfect shot. But most of all, as Debra Garofalo, Principal Marine Park Junior High states, “School is the place where we prepare children for adulthood, and they need more than reading and math. The arts bring children together” (What School Leaders can do to Increase Arts Education). The arts also encourage and promote creativity heavily in their students, where other subjects may harm or even slaughter it, as Robinson discusses, saying, “Picasso once said this, he said that all children are born artists. The problem is to remain an artist as we grow up. I believe this passionately, that we don't grow into creativity, we grow out of it. Or rather, we get educated out if it” (Do Schools Kill Creativity?). According to the Arts Education Partnership, “Honoring students’ artistic and creative talents and achievements provides an opportunity to show what students know and can do” (What School Leaders can do to Increase Arts Education). The arts provide growing children a place in schools where they are able to experiment and express themselves, while feeling safe and comfortable doing so. William Stellbrink, a student at Lebanon High School said, “So many things nowadays have strict, set down rules that must be followed, and while that's not necessarily bad thing, kids need a place where they can show their creative aspect and not be constrained by guidelines that don't apply to everyone” (Stellbrink). Often, that's what the arts are for students, especially in high school as students test their opinions in beliefs. “The study of drama, dance, music, and the visual arts helps students explore realities, relationships, and ideas that cannot be conveyed simply in words or numbers.” said Secretary Arne Duncan in the introduction of the Reinvesting in Arts Education, the 2011 President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities report (The Advocacy Game). As it is said in the introduction to What School Leaders Can Do to Increase Arts Education, “Where the Arts are an integral component of the school day, they positively impact student attendance, persistence, and engagement: enhance teacher effectiveness: and strengthen parent and community involvement” (What School Leaders Can Do to Increase Arts Education). The arts not only affect the student's health and well-being, but that of their entire school and community. Often times students who are heavily involved with the arts begin community projects, such as town art galleries, community theatre productions, or music festivals. In turn, the communities often begin to volunteer and support the art programs, creating a symbiotic relationship that greatly can help both areas. Even the national workforce is being affected by this growing trend, according to the 2010 Conference Board report, Ready to Innovate, ninety five percent of executives felt the most valuable skill that new workers should possess is creativity, and a incomprehensible eighty three percent said they had extreme difficulty finding workers that have that skill (Ready to Innovate). In fact, research suggests that involvement in the arts can affect the world on the global and national scale. “Our future as an innovative country depends on ensuring that everyone has access to the arts and to cultural opportunity….But the intersection of creativity and commerce is more than economic stimulus, it's about who we are as a people.” says First Lady Michelle Obama (The Advocacy Game). The 2007 poll The Imagination Nation, found that nine in ten of the one thousand people polled said that healthy imaginations in young people contribute significantly to a nation’s ability to compete in the global economy, with eighty eight percent expressing the view that arts education is an essential component toward developing that imagination (New Poll Reveals Stifling Imagination in Schools Underlies Innovation and Skills Deficit). But what of those who stick with their art form through school into adulthood? While stereotypical belief would lead you to think that most artists are hard pressed to survive with their work, The 2008 National Endowment for the Arts study, Artists in the Workforce, showed that individuals involved in the arts account for $70 billion aggregate annual income. The study said that one point four percent of the United States labor force are employed as artists (Artists In The Workforce) . In order to put this into perspective, this is only slightly less than the total number of active-duty and reserve personnel in the United States military. According to a Lake Research Partners poll, Sixty-nine percent of American voters believe that America devotes less attention to developing the imagination and innovation than other countries around the world, as pointed out by John Wilson, Executive Director of the National Education Association, who said "Americans are concerned that we are falling behind as a nation and that imagination, innovation and creativity have been the foundation that moved the United States into a world leadership role...In today’s economy, an education focused only on the 'so-called' basics may not be providing students with the skills essential for success and continued world leadership in the 21st century” (New Poll Reveals Stifling Imagination in Schools Underlies Innovation and Skills Deficit). It seems as if the United States government has realized our plight, as they have created the National Endowment of the Arts (the NEA), a governmental organization devoted exclusively to recording, honoring, and promoting the arts all over our country. The National Endowment of the Arts run their powerful position with an even more powerful slogan: Art Works. Many people see this as only black and white, arts works, the created pieces of art that our nation is proud of. However, this slogan pushes us to realize the facts that are all around us. Art works. Academically, personally, productively, and nationally, Art influences almost every aspect of our culture in some way. The Arts have a massive effect on our economy. They assist in keeping the United States competitive by nurturing the creativity and innovation of students all over the country, who get to explore and test theories in a safe environment. The arts teach students skills that assist them in becoming functioning members of our society in the local, national and global level and have been credited for teaching some of our most renowned scientists the abilities they needed to persist in unlocking the secrets of our world. Yet, for some reason they remain underfunded, unappreciated by the majority, much talked about but never assisted. Without the arts, I would never have made it as far as I have, and I know the same can be said for many students of the discipline. It is high time that we as a society stand up and remember the blocks our world has been built on, and begin putting real effort into their cultivation. It will be well worth the price, because the National Endowment for the Arts has it right. Art. Works. Works Cited "What School Leaders Can Do to Increase Arts Education." Arts Education Partnership. The Arts Education Partnership, n.d. Web. 10 Jan. 2016. <http://www.aep-arts.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/What-School-Leaders-Can-Do-To-Increase-the-Arts.pdf>. "Ready To Innovate." The Conference Board. The Conference Board, Oct. 2008. Web. 11 Jan. 2016. "The Advocacy Game." Educational Theatre Association. Educational Theatre Association, n.d. Web. 10 Jan. 2016. <https://www.schooltheatre.org/HigherLogic/System/DownloadDocumentFile.ashx?DocumentFileKey=fa161f49-4411-4be6-a84f-ddf50677ad32>. Eisner, Elliot. "10 Lessons the Arts Teach." National Art Education Association. National Arts Education Association, n.d. Web. 13 Jan. 2016. Metla, Valeriya. "School Art Programs: Should They Be Saved?" Law Street. Law Street, 14 May 2014. Web. 12 Jan. 2016 "Senate Passes Every Child Achieves Act, with Music and Arts as Core Subjects, Intact." NAFME. National Association for Music Education, 16 July 2015. Web. 17 Jan. 2016. "New Poll Reveals Stifling Imagination in Schools Underlies Innovation and Skills Deficit." National Association of Music Merchants. National Association of Music Merchants, 24 Jan. 2008. Web. 10 Jan. 2016. "Artists In the Workforce." National Endowment for the Arts. National Endowment for the Arts, 2005. Web. 16 Jan. 2016. Do Schools Kill Creativity. Perf. Sir Ken Robinson. Ted.com. Ted, Feb. 2006. Web. 11 Jan. 2016. Stellbrink, William M. "The Arts Effects." Online interview. 3 Mar. 2016.
  3. Hi, all. It's my first year at university, so as expected, it's a lot different to high school, college, & TAFE. But I have an issue. One of my classes involves a LOT of reading, but the articles/essays/chapters, etc are all written in "academic writing." I am having difficulty understanding it. I read it & re-read it but I don't take it in as I don't understand what I'm reading. This becomes an issue since we're expected to have a class discussion each week about the dedicated reading. I have tried writing it out in my own simplified words but it's time-consuming & I don't want to have to do that all year because I'm too stupid to understand. Can anyone give me tips to understand? It's getting to the point where I feel like I have to drop the class & I really don't want to Anonymous poster hash: 54646...554
  4. Hey guys! Been quite a long time since I was on here, but I could use a hand. My school is doing a production of Alice in Wonderland JR for the Musical Theater Class. Im partially in charge of makeup and costume design, but I am having a hard time finding what I need. Im looking for a program that will start me out with a white, blank outline of a head or face that I can add color and lines to, kind of like a extreme version of paint or something. My other issue is, even though I have great Idea's and have costumed many, many shows, I have a hard time drawing because my hands shake. Any advice? I am a performing arts kid, not a artist. haha. Thanks!
  5. Was Abraham Lincoln really a tyrant? I've been hearing it quite a lot, I don't know what the hell to think anymore!!!! I've adored the man SINCE MY YOUTH! Have schools been lying to us? Lincoln WAS my hero! And now I find he's a tyrant?! My whole life has been a lie!
  6. I have an 8yr. old daughter that is currently enrolled in a regular traditional public school. Right now she's on summer break, but her school starts back soon and I really don't want her going back. She's always been in a traditional school, but starting this year I would prefer her to be home with me. I would rather have her do schooling at home and I have made this decision because I think it benefits our family's needs. It's also a lot safer because of the way the world is becoming, it'll be more convenient, and less costly. I have done some research on these free tuition public schools they show on t.v. but need to know which are better in terms of success rates, curriculum, accreditation with the state, support from the teachers, interaction with other kids such as activities, field trips, etc... She will be in 3rd grade this year, PLEASE HELP!!! Here's a few I've heard of: (That I may consider) *Ohio Connections Academy (Connections Academy) *Ohio Virtual Academy (K-12) *OHDELA *ECOT *Buckeye Online School for Success (BOSS)
  7. Hey, I need help. In about 8 weeks, the major theater group in my area will be holding auditions to Mary Poppins. This is a huge deal, since they have only one production every 2 years and some of my friends will be trying out, too. Their last performance (and my first) was Les Mis, which has no dancing. (Thank God.) But, Mary Poppins has lots of dancing, and I struggle with that. I can barely do a grapevine. I have a marvelous voice, but I don't think that's enough to cover up my crappy dance skills. I don't have any time to take dance lessons, and the at the auditions I will have to learn some sort of dance routine. Please help!!!
  8. All of my closest friends came from college and work, but now that it's been a few years since I left college and switched jobs, I'm realizing that I don't really have that many friends. I work all day and am usually too tired to go out, plus I'm pretty shy. I don't work with people my own age, which is how I made friends with people in the past. Have any of you successfully established friendships with people you didn't work with or go to school with? Anonymous poster hash: 13574...f85
  9. Ever since she noticed that me and my crush would look at eachother at the begining of the school year during class, she became friends with him. She looks at me a lot but never smiles .. She also has a boyfriend.. So i don't know what her deal is .. I've never done anything mean to her before..? We don't even know eachother.. We're just classmates.. Me and my crush still look at eachotherand he always blushes or looks away quickly but hen his friend notices that he looked at me, she turns to look at me or pretends to look at some beside me or behind me.. -.- But it's obvious that she's trying to look at me..And when she does look at me she has the kind of expression like "I kno you're looking at him.." But really.. why would she care..?
  10. Hey everyone! Thanks for coming! So, im having a bit of trouble with a class assignment. What are some good real life situations showing the diff of reliability between shared knowledge and personal knowledge? Thanks!
  11. Synopsis (TLDR;) My dad racked up debt, is non-committal, may be feigning depression, and is impossible to talk to without offending. My family is falling apart, I feel responsible, and am seeking advice. I'm seeking feedback on my situation and possible suggestions for action, as I feel unable to make a sound decision due to emotional issues. The problem I'm facing revolves generally around my father, and specifically around my inability to understand his behavior. Fair warning, I find it difficult to express myself or relate a story without appearing long-winded and wordy. Some details before I begin: I am currently enrolled in my fourth and final year of undergraduate study. My father is middle-aged and lives with my mother in the suburbs of a large city in the Midwest. If you want the short(er) version skip to the second # on the left hand side of the page. # My father is horrible with money--awful at handling it, saving it, balancing it, earning it--all aspects of it, really. He works in a challenging field and, at one point, made around 60,000 dollars a year. Combined with my mother's salary of 30,000 or so, I had a privileged childhood that I remain very thankful for. Growing up, I often heard my parents argue about my dad's job, he had switched institutions three times since he began work in the late 80's, much to the dismay of my mother. She kept warning him that if he kept quitting there would soon be no more institutions in the area willing to hire him. When I was in the seventh grade, my father quit his job without informing any of us, somehow pretending to work for over a year while spending retirement savings, the college funds of my brother and I, borrowing against his pension, and racking up nearly 30,000 dollars in credit card debt on top of late mortgage payments. He spent without reserve during this time, assumedly to cover up his guilt. We received new phones; he purchased a boat, land outside of town, a new car, and finished our basement. The times were great while they lasted. Eventually my mother received a notice in the mail that revealed what my dad had done. Our house hadn't been paid off entirely (nor had the cars) and my mother didn't earn nearly enough to pay them off on her own. My parents fought and screamed for what seemed like an eternity. They threatened each other with divorce. This didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. What bothered me was when my mother wept; she waited until my father was gone and my brother and I were in bed. For some strange reason I still feel guilty that I could hear her. I realize now that I'm getting a bit away from my point, and will fast-forward a few years, refocusing the story on my brother, mother, and self. My brother and I were lucky enough to fit into the "gifted" category at school, he had excelled more than I, but we shared the same passion for learning and reading. He was dismayed by the loss of his college funds, but managed to get a full ride to a top-rated university. He worked throughout school to purchase himself a car and provide for living expenses. Looking to his example, I began working 27 to 36 hours a week at a local store, more in the summers, in preparation for college. All the while, my father began selling off ill-gotten property and took a job making 40,000 dollars a year. He made it very clear to me that he could not help me pay for college; I understood his impossible position but will not pretend I was without resentment. I followed in my brother's footsteps some years later, entering the same university with around 80% of my tuition covered by scholarship. Due to my parent's combined income, I received no income-based aid. For my first year of school I lacked decent health insurance, a car, a laptop, and a meal plan. Working regular time, and not without student loans, I have purchased these things for myself, and am currently spending what I presume to be my last summer staying with my parents in our suburban home. My mother often offers to help make payments, and I realize she would follow through, but I don't want her to lose what little she's saved by taking a second job during our troubles. This brings us to present day (again, I apologize for the lengthy preface). # During my time away at university, my father has worked at four different institutions, spending nearly half of his time unemployed. Within six shifts at a new job, he would begin to complain that the working conditions are unsafe, or the environment is hostile, or the drive too taxing. He would then promptly quit, leaving numerous black marks on his resume and stressing my mother to no end. They are now both nearing retirement age, and he’s still paying off debts accrued during his vacation from reality some eight years ago. This past winter he took up a taxing job with wonderful benefits and an impressive salary. He seemed cheerier, and my parents appeared to be as, if not more, happy than they had been in a long time. Last week I returned from my apartment at school to find my mother once again distraught, and that my father had quit his job once again. This time, he introduced a new all-encompassing explanation for his behavior and truant tendencies: depression. He revealed to me that he had been diagnosed with anxiety, but not GAD, a year ago and has been prescribed a mixture of anti-anxiety medication coupled with Ritalin to counter-act the grogginess. I was shocked by this revelation, my father was taking uppers in the morning, downers at night and, according to my observations, liberally following his doctors orders to use “as needed†throughout the day. I do not treat this depression lightly, my brother and I have suffered from it in varying degrees requiring professional attention throughout our lives. My father has never--and in my opinion still does not--show any symptoms of the disorder. He claims to be too depressed to work and sometimes even to eat. I notice that, while he “cannot†work professionally, he spends his free time gardening, fishing, playing the guitar, and surfing the internet. He frequently skips meals my mother and I prepare, but I often find fast food bags and snack food containers hidden in the bottom of our trash bins. It infuriates me that he makes a point of looking depressed when my mother and I get ready for work in the morning by staying in bed and feigning a lack of appetite*. *A quick example, today I left for work while my dad was in bed without my tie, I returned briefly after leaving to fetch it. When I entered the house my father was eating cereal in front of the TV he had hastily turned off when he heard me open the door. This event is largely responsible for my current rant. My brother escaped much of the financial ruin, I have attempted to overcome it, but my mother is constantly bearing the price of my father’s whims. I’ve racked my brain for solutions or even peace of mind, but I remain limited by the fact he’s very temperamental, and has reacted almost violently to my attempts to verbalize financial concerns in the past. I don’t feel entitled to the money he’s lost, but I do feel responsible for the fate of our family. My brother has nearly abandoned the problems of our family since he moved away (we still keep in touch), my father plays the part of a child refusing to attend Sunday service because he wants to play with toys and watch cartoons, and my mother cries at night. Life at university is hard, and I feel like I have no time to myself due to hours of wage work, scholarship jobs, and studying, but returning to my parent’s house is a thousand times more trying. I’m afraid my dad is noncommittal enough to abandon my mother if I don’t keep coming home to mediate over breaks or possibly even petty enough to flee if I merely embarrass him by speaking candidly about the matter. I’m afraid my mother will break-down if I stop coming home or cease calling her every week while at school to listen to her vent and seek consultation. I’m afraid my brother will pull further away until he’s completely unwilling to support my parents in old age when they inevitably grow too old to work if I stop keeping in close contact with him and his wife. I’m afraid I won’t be able to support them on my own while maintaining my own life and saving for a future family of my own. Advice for future action, comments on my harsh attitude towards my father, suggestions on coping are all welcome and sought. I often seek solace in books, and in writing this summary of my anxieties I was constantly reminded of Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.†Tolstoy hit the mark, but it brings little comfort; I feel that unhappy families are unhappy in ineffable ways, and I regret not being able to fully communicate many aspects of our scenario in this appeal. I would be remiss not to once again apologize for my long-windedness and thank anyone who took the time to read my often pretentious and always depressing style of writing.
  12. forewarned, I actually sent this in an email to someone I met on the old site but they probably won't email me back for days, so I just wanted someone to hear me out, you don't need to comment but I wouldn't mind if you did. Life is kind of shitty. People always say that life is what we make it. Sometimes I think that I'm sad because I choose to be, but I've tried so damn hard to be happy, to turn over a new leaf and get in with my life. It worked, if only for a second and the it came back...the sadness creeped back in. It lurks under my bed and between the lines of my ruled paper. I can't motivate myself anymore. I used to work so hard in school and I would sometimes get the grades I needed or wanted but then other times I'd work and fail and I would get so upset and try harder. But here, I just get upset. I work hard and I don't get grades I want, and I don't care. I don't care if I flunk out of school. I should, I really should because my parents are paying a ton of money for me to go to my school. It's a hard university but I thought I could do it, but all I want is a break from life. I really do want to die. Especially right now. I'm going to call the counseling services at my school and set up an appointment for later this week. I'll let you know how it goes. I am going into circles, I am trapped. I almost cut myself the other day, and decided to just not shower because I knew what I was going to do if I were to. It hurts, because I don't have anyone here I could talk to. No one knows about the person I was back in high school, and I don't know if I want them too. I don't know of any person I could go have a nice cry to or just tell them that I'm scared. I am so scared for my life and what I could do to myself. I sometimes want to just go on. Get hit by a car, or some how get injured or maimed where no one would know what to do. I'm not brave enough to jump because I'm scared to hit the ground. My fear keeps me away from death, I think, because in reality I am scared as to what life after death is. My deepest fear, I believe is death. The irony is so prevalent, because I've never thought I could want something I so deeply feared. I search the internet for ways to kill myself and it amazes me that I can't find one good answer. It also amazes me that I clearly don't want to die because when I search that, I'll always find people trying to stop me. Instead lately I've been thinking about the note I'd leave behind. Because you know I couldn't very well just kill myself and not let my parents know it wasn't their fault that I turned out like this. I'd have to let them know that I love them so so much. I'd have to let my friends know too. It's just me. I'm just the toxic that is embedded within my body and the only way to rid myself of this toxicity is to let myself be free. Be free from this life. I know I'm not ready because I can feel the tears stinging in the back of my eyes as I write this. I know I'm not ready because I want to go into the bathroom and cry my eyes out. I'm not ready yet, but I'm going to get there and I'm going to find a way to die my way and be ready for it. A brief thought flashed in my mind, and I wondered if I could be so mean. So mean to my parents to tell them that I knew something was wrong with me. I knew I was sad and no one believed it was serious, well get this, it is. My feelings might not be real to you, but they're real to me and they've been biting at my insides trying to swallow me whole. But, I couldn't say that to my parents because I love them. I think I love them less though than I did. I just wish they could have taken me seriously. I suppose they did but it was SO easy to convince everyone I was okay and I was just a hormonal teenage girl who didn't have any serious problems. I look back at it, and I wish I'd gotten the help I needed. I wish I didn't feel like I have to lie.
  13. when you're stuck in a rut and have no much to do, how do YOU get the motivation to go your work? I have a 4 page paper on philosophy due tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to get it started. I keep getting distracted and thus I keep procrastinating...it's the worst. So, how do you get motivated and stop procrastinating??
  14. God, I am so anxious today. Over everything. I am just mentally exhausted. I live with five girls and they are always fighting over something. It's mostly one roommate that starts all the drama though. I'll call her Sarah... Sarah is one of those people that only likes to hear herself talk. And I guess you could say I accidentally became really good friends with her. Mostly because I'm a really nice person.. TOO nice. and I let her talk to me about anything. Well lately she's kind of been treating me and the other roommates like shit. She's REALLY mad at the other roommates but not at me. She still gives me attitude all the time though, and I can't stand it. I feel like I'm always walking on egg shells with her and no matter what I do she will always find something to be mad about. I freaking drove her to work almost every day when her car broke down because none of the other roommates would. But when she could tell I was getting frustrated I didnt want to take her home anymore, she got mad at ME. saying it wasn't cool I was getting frustrated I had to go out of my way to pick her up?? then just a few hours ago she came barging in my room while I was hanging out with my boyfriend because someone in the house ate her frozen hamburger meat (Which it wasn't me) and was like freaking out saying everyone in the house is so disrespectful. and she just stood there for like ten minutes ranting about it even though me and my boyfriend were watching something on TV. then she freaked out on me for not answering her phone call. And to add on to that I have really bad anxiety problems and when someone even sounds attacking or mad I get extremely anxious. Like while she was saying all this my hands were shaking and I was trying to hide it from my boyfriend because it should not have been that big of a deal and I was embarrassed. I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. and it seems to be getting worse because I've been distancing myself from her. Like this weekend I want to go to a cabin house with some friends and I feel like shes going to be mad at me for that because she doesnt like one of the girls going and she wanted me to stay the weekend and hangout with her and her brother.. I feel like if I dont go out of my way to do things for her she will be mad at me. I dont think shes even really done anything for me besides buy me some groceries and lunch like once for driving her everywhere all the time. I'm just tired of feeling like shit for not being able to stand up for myself and constantly getting anxious over little things like this..
  15. So my academic advisor just e-mailed me notifying me that I had been selected as one of their student success stories and would be featured on their website. She sent me a link where I had to fill out some information about myself. One of the questions asked was "how do you define success?" while I have a vague idea of what I want to say, I was hoping that by hearing some of your ideas would help me come up with my own idea. So...how do you define success?
  16. Ok so what does it mean if a guy draws a heart on his paper when he is sitting next to or near you
  17. My fiancé and I have been together for a while now. We're not planning on getting married till next year and we have discussed having a family and everything in the past, but not till after we get married and after I get my career started. I'm currently in my first semester working on my bachelors degree, also participating in ROTC and enlisted in the guard so we want to wait a few years. I'm not on birth control but we always use condoms. Last night the condom busted. We talked about it and neither of us are for abortion or that plan b pill or none of that. I'm also about a week before my next menstrual cycle. Is it 100% chance that I can get pregnant? I apologize for going too into detail with anything, I just wanted to get the whole situation clear.