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Found 32 results

  1. So I was in a long term relationship for almost a decade when things weren't going so well(and both of us agree they really weren't) we decided to end it(moved out of our home, switched jobs, different car/place, the whole 9 yards of change). After the relationship we decided not to cut each other out of our lives completely though, and tried and actually managed to stay good friends. I figured if I could keep him around as a friend it would be good, and I would be free to go find romantic/sexual happiness else where. We have been out of our relationship for at least 3 years now probably closer to 4. I've found meeting new people is really difficult since we broke up. I've met new people sparsely over the last 3 years. I haven't found the connection I've been looking for although I did manage to experiment with some sexual fantasies I never got to fulfill and that was fun! But all in all I don't feel like I'm meeting people and making real connections. I'm more nervous than excited when I do meet someone new. There are people out there who are willing to hang with me but my nerves often prevents me from meeting and dating or whatever in the first place, and the nervousness get's in the way of the fun I feel I should be having when I do meet someone new. So I tend to end up with my ex on the couch watching netflix and being friends. I have to wonder what is really going on here. My friendship with my ex has gotten better and better and I've even considered getting back together with him. I still care a lot about him but I'm scared if I went back to that situation, those things that got out of control for a while would come back. I often find myself pushing that idea away and deciding it's not worth the risk to find myself in a similar situation as before. I know what we had at the end is not what I want. It's not what I expected our relationship to turn into. Should I risk that? Or appreciate that we have a great friendship now and go about my fun until something solid comes along? How do you get comfortable with meeting new people after ten years in a monogamous relationship? If we end up getting back together at any point in our lives, I can't help but see all this time apart as a huge waste of time. Except I know if we didn't separate and get away from our situation at the time, I might have died. I was so stressed that I think I was close to heart attack. Not just because of him, but because we were doing life alone and no where I went and no one I went to seemed to care. Jobs were hard, money was hard, our relationship was stressed, sex wasn't happening due to exhaustion and being overworked and still never enough money, we fought. Bad relationship? Or good relationship gone bad due to extraordinary(or maybe all to common?) circumstances? Either way, why would I be considering him or feeling guilty when I go on a date? We're not together and we're both aware our friendship doesn't limit what we do romantically/sexually with others. Very confusing times...
  2. Hi, I have a new girl friend for about 1 month now. And she seem to be a lot into sex... She told me she like rough sex and she's like to be submissive in bed. She like spanking, tits pinch, pull on hair, get her mouth fucked when she suck, cum on her tits, even on face,... She told me her 2 rules are no anal and no face slapping with hands (she really specified hand, I don't know maybe it mean she like with dick....) other than that she will do anything. I know around how much boy she have been with, that I found really a lot.... Specially knowing what she do in bed.... For my part I only had 2 girlfriends before her, and only had sex with those. And I'm mostly used to passion sex, love, ... I don't know how to feel about all this. I'm not comfortable yet to make love to her like she told me she like it (or to fuck her if I use her word) But I kind of find it exciting.... She is 22, almost 23, and I'm 28. Thank Anonymous poster hash: 29c43...64b
  3. I was a Korean sex slave. National Human Trafficking Resource Center 1 (888) 373-7888 SMS: 233733 (Text “HELP†or “INFOâ€) Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week Languages: English, Spanish Website: traffickingresourcecenter.org Due to the sensitive nature of this topic, the author chooses to remain anonymous. Some details were changed to protect her anonymity. I’m not sure where I was born, but I do know that ethnically I’m Korean. I was adopted in a very rural area when I was two years old. My foster parents were a pair of middle-aged redneck Caucasians. The story of a sex slave doesn’t always begin with a kidnapping and drugs. It can just as well be done by manipulation and love. I remember I loved my foster parents. So I trusted them when they told me I was going to meet a couple friends of theirs at a party. I was probably 4 or 5 at the time. They told me that the “friends†I would meet would “make me feel good†by touching me in certain places, and I remember I believed them when they said it. I remember feeling very weird when an older gentleman started touching me outside of my underwear. It wasn’t necessarily a bad sensation. I didn’t feel hurt by it. I did feel awkward and weird, but being so young I didn’t really know what to think about it. They told me that these older men were “special doctors†that could make me better. That I had a sickness that other kids didn’t have so I couldn’t tell anyone about these special sessions. This continued for several years. In retrospect, as an adult, I know that my parents were getting paid quite a bit for each of these “sessions.†I had been sold as a sex slave by my own parents. It was all to fund their drug addiction. I recall seeing bags of cocaine and weed hidden in various spots in my parents bedroom. And I didn’t think anything of it at all. I seriously thought I was just getting regular “checkups†by the “special doctor.†It wasn’t until around the 2nd or 3rd grade that I realized that the checkups were actually sexual in nature. My discovery came from talking about it with a boy in my class who had heard about sex. In my mind, though, I still never thought anything was “bad†yet. But then my parents’ “business†went online. There were many avenues for my parents to advertise my services. They told me that now I had to speak to an “online doctor†to get checkups. I found out years later that the fetish for young Asian girls is very lucrative. In general I would start webcamming with an older gentleman, generally Caucasian. By around 10, I lashed out at my mom because I was embarrassed about showing my vagina to strange White men. That’s when things got really scary. My parents both had alcohol and drug problems, and in a rage they hit me and locked me up in a small storage basement. My mom also pulled out a kitchen knife. I remember hearing things like, “You inconsiderate brat. You worthless daughter.†I legitimately thought my mom was going to kill me that night. I was in that small dark storage closet just bawling my eyes out, and at one point I thought I was going to die from the lack of air. Keep in mind that up to this point I actually never felt in danger, just awkward and weirded out. After a few hours, my mom let me out of the closet. She cried and said I needed to keep doing this so they could have enough money to survive. I think she kind of regretted punishing me, but she wanted to try a different angle to get me to continue to be her sex slave. My father wasn’t in the room while this was happening. In many ways I think my father was less to blame than my mom, but he sort of complied with the whole thing because he also needed the money. During this whole time I was still kept in school. After the incident I contemplated telling my school counselor. My parents were careful so I didn’t have any markings on my body that would lead anyone to believe that I was beaten. I was so embarrassed by the whole thing, but I finally mustered up the courage to tell my counselor. It was unfortunate that my counselor happened to be probably one of the dumbest people in the world, and she did the stupidest thing anyone could do. She told my parents that I had talked to her instead of reaching out to the child protective services to get me out of that situation. Of course, my parents weaseled their way out of it somehow by saying I was an over imaginative kid that had watched too many movies. That I was lashing out because I was mad at them so I was trying to get them in trouble. As a grown woman now I sometimes still get enraged about how stupid that counselor was. That night I was locked in the same closet for the whole night. Again I believed I would die that night. That’s how these things get covered up so well. My parents, on the outside, seemed like a very normal family. I was a great student that didn’t have any character flaws. My parents made me study and get good grades. No ONE believes that the straight A student with seemingly “normal†parents would be a victim of human trafficking. The mental abuse I suffered caused me to never want to tell anyone else anything about the incident. Especially after I felt so betrayed by the counselor. So I never reached out to anyone again about it. The next stage of my life was horrifying. When I was 13, my parents forced me into straight child prostitution. That was the first time I actually had real sex with any man. Up till then it was just webcamming, fondling, and molestation. I pretty much had given up on defying my parents. Around 16 I was having sex with a gentleman who said that he “fell in love with me.†He told me he was going to take me away from this place. My parents agreed to let him take me, for a fee of course. For the sake of this article let’s call this man Mr. Smith. At first it wasn’t all that bad (do you see a cycle here…)? He bought me tons of things clothes, food, and a cell phone. Turns out he was the owner of a ring of massage parlors, and I was put to work there shortly. It was pure manipulation. He told me it was good money (and it was), and that I could “earn†my living here. My view of the world was so warped that I thought that what I was doing was normal. And I won’t lie, I actually felt better here than at home so I kept on doing it without complaining. The other workers were pretty nice to me and so was mama-san, a lady he had hired to manage the massage parlor I was shipped to. This was also the first time I actually earned my own money since previously it was my parents who had pocketed everything I had earned them. All in all I felt that I was in a much better situation. I never actually felt any hatred towards the Johns that would come in and pay me for sex. Not even the disgusting ones. Most of them treated me very well and I even made friends with a few clients. I had a sense of gratitude towards these men — they were the ones who helped me sustain my lifestyle (which is messed up, I know). Smith was also pretty much a perfect gentleman to me. Like I said I didn’t really think of him as a guy who forced me into prostitution. I thanked him for taking me away from my parents and giving me more freedom. Because of that I had a lot of respect for him and admired him in a way. I even had thought of him as my boyfriend. One night I was beaten badly by him after we had a major disagreement. He took a lot of different drugs that night. I was bruised quite a bit all over my face and my body. Imagine a tall, 6’2†buff White guy hitting a tiny 100 pound 5’ 1†Asian girl. I was being used as a punching bag. After a few hits I blacked out and woke up at the hospital. My ribs had been broken. My face was completely swollen and I couldn’t see out of one of my eyes. Like the event with my mom, this beating felt like it came out of nowhere. I had once seen him slap another massage parlor worker, but that was it. There was never a moment where anyone got seriously hurt until me. That night I knew I had to get the hell out of there. I had a little bit of savings so I started living out of cheap, shady motels. You may wonder why I never talked to the police. Well as a sex worker, you sort of lose that option. Your credibility goes out the window. Not to mention I was high off of many drugs. Going to court or pressing charges would’ve be a losing battle. That money started running out, and I was desperately trying to fund my cocaine addiction. I began prostitution again after I wasn’t able to find a legitimate job. The good part was now I was in control without a pimp. Backpage was a great resource, and I was making upwards of $2,000 per week and sometimes more if I needed more money. Most of it went to drugs. You might think there’s some kind of happy ending to this story, but there isn’t. Unfortunately, I’m not completely out of the sex worker lifestyle, but now I’m exclusively a webcam model and do not escort. Am I bitter about my life? Not really. It was a terrible experience but I survived it. Yes I admit that I am probably very messed up in the head, but the more important thing is that I’m still alive. I wanted to share my story to show the perspective that not many people have. A very large amount of sex workers like me were forced into it and continue to do it because we have to survive. I actually had great grades in school (up to the 10th grade), and I could have possibly been a marine biologist or veterinarian. I could have gone to college. I loved writing and science. I also wanted to share the statistics on human trafficking for children because I think this is something that we can help prevent. Human trafficking is a very profitable business, even in the United States. I want to let other kids know that they CAN reach out and that there is a way for them to get real help, even when their loving family are the ones who are abusing them. I’m hoping to help put this issue in the limelight and help others in need. If my story resonated with you, please share it on your social media to raise awareness of an issue that always seems to be taken lightly. Are you in a similar situation? Get help now. National Human Trafficking Resource Center 1 (888) 373-7888 SMS: 233733 (Text “HELP†or “INFOâ€) Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week Languages: English, Spanish Website: traffickingresourcecenter.org
  4. In my mind I’m better. I’m smarter, more focused, more desired, more respectable, and just all around better so why does she get to experience this before me? I don’t mean any harm by this and don’t intend to act out of it. I’ve done a good job of controlling this because I know what it’s about. It’s my ego. The same ego that inspires me to be great and pursue my dreams makes me angry, irritated and depressed at the thought of another woman getting to something before me even though I make myself so available to that very thing. It’s not even about it being just*anything*. It’s about love. True love. That’s MY thing. I’m the Cancer sign. I’m the lover and hippy and hopeless romantic. She’s a Gemini lol. She gets to say she has experienced love and has someone that’s in love with her right now. She leaves in the middle of the night and gets texts and phone calls and has intimacy. Yeah their relationship is a mess, they’re not together (or ever really were officially to begin with), she’s distracted from school and I would never want their drama. But at least they HAVE something. I’m green with envy. Every part of me hates this fact. What’s wrong with me? Someplace deep down I know I’m happy for her and I hope everything works out for her and Peter. However, the snooty egotistical part of me wants it all to go wrong for her so she won’t get to true love and happiness before me. It wouldn’t be fair. She is promiscuous, has daddy issues, lets guys walk all over her, and is not as pretty as me. So what’s the deal? Please know that I’d NEVER admit this to anyone. I ‘m barely allowing myself to admit this feeling to myself without judgement. I’m trying to express this and let it go. Because there’s a lot of pain here. It’s not her fault and again this has nothing to do with her as a person. She has great qualities. She is cute, she dresses nicely, she’s down to earth and a talented writer and cook. I care about her. She’s friendly and she’s good at making websites lol. I’m sure she’d be a very loving wife/girlfriend/mother/sister, etc. She is wise but I’m more mature I think. I make better grades and better decisions lol. I want her to be happy but the little girl in me is rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum and screaming at how unfair the world is. I’ve shied away from this feeling, shoot I didn’t even understand it at first but I think I get it now. *I* want be a great lover/friend/sister/mom/wife/girlfriend. *I* want to be a great cook. *I* want to be talented. I mean, those last two things I know will come with time so I’m not too pressed. I’m only in college. But the love part? That gets to my core. Because I’m putting in effort and want it SO badly. I’ve dreamed about this since I understood what true love is. I’m sure every little girl has but I always felt that I felt it stronger because I’m such a sensitive person. I’m frustrated because I can’t make it happen on my own. So I’m here wanting and desiring something that is totally out of my control. Hopeless romantic. I’m such a driven and goal-oriented person it’s so unbelievable that this isn’t one of those things I can write down and make happen. Just by the power of intention. That’s how I manifest all of my other goals. But for some reason this one has yet to happen. I think as long as I see myself as a lover and hopeless romantic and desire this “out-of-this-world†kind of true love I will always be jealous of her. So how do I move on from this? How do I suppress my ego? I do my best to give her neutral advice when she comes to me and not talk down about her guy or tell her to leave him, even when it was going badly. I gave her the power to decide and didn’t let my jealousy get the better of me. But how can I genuinely be happy for her without any resentment? Because I think behind the jealousy is a lot of pain. I want to be a good friend to her. How can I be patient for my own love story especially when I feel like I’m drifting and not making any headway with the guys I’m interested in? It takes a lot of strength to make good decisions about guys and I'm lucky to have family to guide me in the right direction. But what if all I get out of that is loneliness in the end? Much love CollegeGirl
  5. We've been together 6 years, got engaged a few months ago. He's older than me and has been working for a few years, whereas I just graduated college 9 months ago with a B.A. (I'm working now, but will be going to grad school for a masters and doctorate within 2 years) Years ago, I got on birth control because our condoms kept breaking. I hated the idea of messing with my hormones, but preventing having an unplanned child was more important. I told him when we decided to use birth control that this didn't mean that I was comfortable with him not using a condom, because I wanted to have 2 methods of protection since no method is 100% even when used correctly. Over time, we started substituting pulling out instead of condoms as the second method, so we could get the skin on skin. So now, in the last couple months.. my fiance really wants to stop using condoms because (according to him) it interrupts the flow and he feels (physically and mentally) better with skin-on-skin because he feels connected to me. I understand/respect those feelings, but I'm really not okay without using a condom because I am not ready to have a child and I accidentally miss a pill (end up taking it with the next pill as the pamphlet instructs) about once a month or more. This makes the birth control less effective. I don't want any chance of us having kids right now because I am hard-set on getting my doctorate. My career is practically my life purpose in my eyes. At the same time, I believe parenting is the most sacred job a person will ever have, and if I had a child now, even if I wasn't ready, I would dedicate my everything to my child, which would probably include going to graduate school and getting my career going. I take the job of parenting very seriously and when I'm responsible for someone's wellbeing, I wont compromise that for my own desires. I want to at least START grad school before I get pregnant. My fiance, on the other hand, wouldn't mind having a child. However, I think he is totally underestimating how drastically having a child will change our lives. Right now, we have serious trouble just keeping up with household chores -- all the time. He hates the career he is in and has gone back to school to change fields, but still has at least a few years for that to finish. He also has PTSD which we havent found the right treatment for yet. I can only imagine how the muted affection and constant state of being overwhelmed with stress (even when there isn't a lot of stress-triggering events on the outside) could compromise his ability to take care of a child well when there is tons of external stress-triggers coming from parenting. We'd also have to move in with my parents in order to survive financially because we're barely making it right now. Summary: Neither one of us is in a position to have a child right now. I definitely want to have kids in a few years, after we are married and once I've at least started grad school. And I get that birth control is very effective. But even with two alarms on my phone to remind me, and 4 years of habit under my belt, I still end up messing it up one way or another (usually because I'm sleeping or out of the house when the alarms go off) but the time I've scheduled to take it is already the time I'm most likely to be awake and home (I have a very erratic schedule). He makes frustrated faces or sighs when I ask to put on a condom when are about to have sex. Or before we have sex, he'll say things like "Can we please stop being SO afraid of having a baby? I just want to let it flow without all these restrictions." I dont want him to be unsatisfied with our sex life and I feel bad, but I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did something to compromise my child's well being or my purpose (aka my career). I'm not "afraid", but I do feel the rational need to be cautious, and I don't feel comfortable sacrificing that for his pleasure. He also seems to think that me not wanting to have a baby right now is some form of non-commitment to him. I've told him that I definitely DO want to have children with him, when we're both ready and when we can provide a good life for our children. What can I do? I think we're going to need to sit down and talk about it (again) soon, but I'm not sure want to say because I've explained my feelings about the topic all before. Some ideas I have: Use spermicidal foam or gel as the second contraceptive instead of a condom Diaphragm or cervical cap as second method Be more regular on pills (I can't think of any other way to remind myself though??)
  6. Is there a right age for having sex? Anonymous poster hash: 5708a...951
  7. My dream last night was full of sex. I won't go into the detail since there may be young members here. But it was FULL of it. There was one scene that was like "The Notebook" where it starts with a kiss in the rain. But one scene in my dream that puzzles me is a scene where a female friend of mine goes to a mutual friend's house. She comes in walking normally, but when she comes out, she's using a walker. I'm thinking, "Were they that rough?" What does my dream mean, especially the walker part?
  8. What are everyones thoughts on the increasing acceleration of the feminist movement? I've been reading Simone de Beauvoir's Second Sex and it's helped open my eyes a little bit, despite being a very repetitive yet dense read. Emma Watson's speech? Recent exposure of celebrity photos? Any incidents in your own communities? Was there much going on in the 90s regarding feminism? I wasn't really paying attention to it at that age so for me it seems like it's really booming recently. Any older characters care to offer insight on its evolution?
  9. First off, I love my boyfriend, he loves me (I think) we've been together 3 years. I was his first, he was my first. We started having sex after 1 year together. Even though neither of us knew what we were really doing, it was great, trying new things, seeing what worked. I used to always like being on top. Then something changed. I was using my hands to stimulate him and it wasn't working. Tried my mouth a different time, he stopped me. My confidence dropped, I thought I was doing something wrong, he said no I wasn't. I thought he was just shy so I took it as a challenge. Over time, he doesn't like me doing anything to him anymore. I've asked him to show me how in case I was doing it wrong but he won't. He just makes me orgasm all the time. And sex, I can't help but breathe harder, get hot, moan a bit, you know and genuinely orgasm but his face never changes, he never makes a sound. I never know if he orgasms or not - he occasionally ejaculates but does that mean he orgasms? I stopped going on top cause it was like having sex with someone asleep but he insists he wants me on top. I want to take control, be sexy. I fantasize about strutting into the room in a skimpy outfit, doing a little dance or something, pushing him back on the bed, straddling him, kissing him all over his body, feeling him with my hands (not even my mouth if he doesn't want me to) and actually see physical signs that he's enjoying it. Am I doing something wrong? I'm so upset, I feel totally useless. Anonymous poster hash: 5f7bc...ab4
  10. First of all I would like to state that this isn't a racist post, I have a lot of friends who are muslim. Basically I was chatting to my friend yesterday about a former neighbour who lured me into his room and sexually harassed me, my friend asked me more about that guy so I mentioned that the attacker was a Pakistani Muslim, and then we were just talking about it and then started googling and I suddenly realise that they are so many of them around (both gangs and individuals). Now I'm not saying that Only Muslims people form sex gangs but I have read through a couple of news link and now I just feel very troubled, I don't want to spam anyone with links so I'm just going to post 1 link that really really , troubles me : http://mrconservative.com/2013/03/6673-ten-horrifying-stories-of-muslims-gang-raping-white-woman/ Maybe some of you can talk me out of my troubled feelings, maybe I'm just being ... overly concerned? I didn't tell anybody what happened at the time (except for 2 friends) and my friend think that I should have... but I was really naive (like he manipulated me into not telling anyone and I didn't) and scared. Anonymous poster hash: 7e959...1d8
  11. Before you are quick to say 'You should have thought about that before you got it!' well let me explain. I got my first Depo shot of April 14' and returned a day before it was due earlier this month, Well about a week after the shot me and my hubby really want to start a family and we dont think we can wait 3+ months to get pregnant . I recently bought some prenatals in hopes it could increase my chances . Any advise ? I know it takes some women months or even years to ovulate again,but after only 2 shots I have high hopes it would not be that long !! Any advise / recommendations are helpful !! Ty !
  12. I feel like sex and relationship is not for me... I'm not the type of guy who get a girl just to have sex, so if I'm not in a relation I'm not having any sex at all And get in relation is not so easy for me, because I thing girl don't like me...when I'm in I always get dump, and I didn't get lot of relation... I'm kind of shy... I don't understand how other can so easing switch form a relation to another or just have sex like that with anyone. I can find myself alone for years, and like I said it mean no sex for years too... Oh and I'm 28 years old... I just want to find a good relation that last and have sex only with that girl. But that seem impossible. Feel like I'm made to be alone forever... Anonymous poster hash: 4598e...d9f
  13. If a guy says he does not just need you for sex, but constantly wants to have sex everytime you see him- does this mean he is using me? Im only 17? He claims to love me but what does this mean
  14. Is it true that a guy's first time is fast? I've heard that a lot. That you finish fast when it's your first time. I'm worried that I might not satisfy my future girlfriend/wife, especially if she's experienced and I'm not. I'm still hoping to meet a virgin who's saving herself for marriage but it seems rarer these days, more and more impossible to find. So I'll take the next best thing: experienced women. But if what they say is true, then I may not be able to satisfy her.
  15. yesterday I went to my cousins basketball tournaments. well they were pretty much over and I was working concessions. this cute guy came in and we were just talking small talk introducing ourselves since I didn't go to that school also what grade we are in(both freshmen) It was obvious that he was trying to get the other guy away so we cold be alone. The other guy didn't want to leave. I told them I'm going to go look for my cousin thinking he would be in the other gym across campus. the cute one got up and said ill go with you. I asked the other guy if he would be okay aloneand he said yeah sinse business was slow. we talked as we walked and then he asked me "so do you have a boyfriend?" and I don't so I answered "no" and he giggled and said "that's hard to believe. you are so attractive" I just looked down and he asked " what would you do if asked you to make out?" and I said " I don't know. I just met you and I don't really know you." him:"we can go right around that corner over there. please I really like you! your cousin will ever find out." I hadn't ever kissed anbody before so I was nervous!!! then he grabbed my hand and said "c'mon" I followed him and we went around the corner by a really big bush He was against the wall and I put my arms around his neck and before I realized it his tongue was in my mouth. and can I just say that kissing isnrt like what I expected it to be!!!!!!!!! I cant say that I didn't enjoy the making out. then he asked me "will you give me a blow job or a hand job?" I said "no im a good girl. im really innocent and I haven't done anything like this before. I don't know anything about you." then we kissed again he said "what do you want to know?"(kiss) me: "How old are you?" him:"14 you?" me:"14 him: "when is your birthday?" me: "September" (kiss) a big smile appeared on his face and he said "august" and pulled me in an kissed me again. he looked down and me chest and said "can I see them like lift up your shirt?" I was like in shock just looking him in the eyes. he started lifting up my shirt and pulled down my bra and looked at my boobs then looked me n the eye ten fixed my bra and put my shirt down and kissed me again. when we were kissing he kept grabbing my butt. he kissed my neck and then said "will you give me a hand job?" I kept telling him no but he kept begging and said that we could go behind the bush and he grabbed my hand and started leading me back there. He asked me if I wanted a quickie and I shook my head like crazy! he grabbed me and kissed me and he kissed me. he pulled his basketball shorts down a little bit an he said "will you give me a hand job? I was nervous and didn't know what to do so I said "umm I guess" and I got it and started you know.... and I kissed him and then he started rubbing my pants in that area then said "can I rub you under your underwear?" and so I immediately said "no" an he said "im not going to finger you I just want to rub you" and I still said "no" so he didn't bother with it again and didn't rub me anymore. he asked "will you please give me a blow job? I've never had one before and I want you to be my first. it wont be more than 10 seconds so I agreed. ugh never want to relive that moment of my life!!!!!!! I had started sucking it and then he said " go deeper" I went a little deeper then we heard a noise and I stopped and we got quiet. he crawled out and said "wait here for a little bit then got back to the gym" then he left I got out and I started walking back to the gym and he was walking from the other gym and then he yelled "hey" so I turned around and I walked over to him and went to the big gym and he tells me "You give really good head by the way" I just smiled looked at him then to the ground thinking oh thank goodness I didn't have it in my mouth for more than 5 seconds. I got his snap chat and he says that he wants to hang out. he wanted to today but I couldn't. we went and we looked for my cousin and I never talked to him again. I got my first kiss, first make out, first time giving a hand job and first time giving a blow job all in like 5 minutes and I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself!!!! its all I can think about now. I think my cousin knows something. when we got in the car his mom asked why he didn't introduce me to any of his friends and he said I introduced myself and she looked at me and said well you are just out going and friendly and my cousin says "well(the guy I did all the stuff with name) sure thought so" and my auntie said "what!?" and my cousin says "ohhh nothing he just thought that she was attractive"
  16. Hello everybody. I hope somebody will be able to help me a little bit by sharing their own insights and/or stories on this. First and foremost I am just trying to get this huge issue out of my head and somewhere out there, cause it usually helps for me to express myself...just to get a handle of what is going on. This issue is very delicate so I am grateful for the anonimity. I am a woman in my mid 30's and I am terrified of sex. This has become more and more of a problem in the recent two years, after I had my son. The last time me and my husband attempted sex (a failed attempt) was in september 2013. I know...it's quite shocking. I have tears in my eyes just writing that down My husband is a very kind patient man. He just puts up with it and both of us try to ignore the huge elephant in the room, all the time... I don't know what to do...I'm stuck. I am so scared of getting intimite with my husband and I don't really know why and how to fix it. Whenever he touches me I feel so nervous and scared. If I feel aroused I also feel sick at the same time. And shame...I feel such shame just whenever I think about sex...If I get aroused by it my inner voice starts shaming me to hell...I don't really know why...I am attrached to my husband, but it's like I don't allow myself to be romantically involved with him or something...it's scary. I think this might have something to do with my extreme fear of rejection...it might have something to do with a sexual assault that happened about 8 years ago. It might have something to do with the time I lost my virginity, which was horrible. It might have something to do with sexual abuse from my great uncle when I was a teen. It might have something to do with the fact that before I met my husband I slept around a LOT. I think I thought sex was all I had to offer and that no man could really love me or like me without me putting out, and giving a flawless performance (I know...heart braking really). When I think about that time today I feel so much shame...I have no idea how many men I slept with...loads...and I don't remember them all. Sometimes I walk down the street or am in the supermarket and I think "perhaps I've slept with someone here and I don't even know it"...And then I feel like I deserve none of the good things I have. That I am shit and belong in the gutter. It's terrible how I think of myself sometimes I know... Maybe I'm scared of being vaulnerable in front of my husband...If true then it is heartbraking. I don't want that to be true. I don't know if it is. Maybe I am scared of showing him my sexual self...cause that feels dirty and unworthy to me. That side of myself feels shameful... I didn't used to be such a prude. I've done so many crazy things with loads of men...but not my husband...that's so sad Why can't I do those things with my husband? I tried discussing this with a therapist I had following the birth of my son. I got severely depressed. He wanted to focus on other things. And I feel a lot better and we worked on so many things together. But not this. Perhaps it just didn't work because he's a man, I'm not sure. I know live in a town of merely 600 people so no therapists or anything here really...But I have a computer and an internet connection I feel blocked...I don't know how to get out of myself. Anybody have any insight?
  17. If anyone could give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it. I started the pill three weeks ago and had sex with my boyfriend a week after. I'm now on my 7 week break from it,it's day 5 and still no period has arrived. I've had some brown discharge and cramping but not a full on period. Is this normal when starting the pill? I'm on microgynon 30. Thanks x
  18. The past few months I have started having two periods a month and they are never regular. My boyfriend and I have pretty rough sex and about 2 months ago he bruised me down there and thats when I started to notice the sharp pain in my left ovary. I figured it was from the bruising. Well the sharp pain is still happening. I notice it more when I am laying down but I get random sharp pains in my left ovary. Im thinking it might be an ovarian cyst. I just noticed what is either an ingrown hair or enlarged lymph node on the left side of my groinal area. Im going to get a pap tomorrow so no "go to the doctor" comments please I am just wanting to kind of talk about this and get ideas on what it might be before tomorrow. Thanks. Oh and I am 24, no kids. p.s WOW! This site has changed so much since I was on last! Last time I was on it was still the yellow background streight forward format!
  19. ok, so i've never actually had sex with anyone i'm attracted to :/ i've been with 3 different guys so far but didn't think any of them were really attractive or anything, and now the thought of actually getting with someone i AM attracted to is kinda scary and makes me nervous and self conscious. is there something wrong with me? how can i fix this? is it normal to feel this way? i'm just kinda confused and bummed out by it and it's not ok... Anonymous poster hash: 5cfbd...c87
  20. At the start of our relationship, my wife was wanting sex 24/7. I mean I know every relationship starts of steamy, but this was something I have never seen. Now after only 2 years she never wants sex, its usually about a month or two between each time, and I feel like she is just doing it for me. I have a healthy sex drive so this is very difficult for me. Both of us are attractive and she says she is still attracted to me. I know it's obviously emotional, but i just dont know what. She has said she doesn't know what it is either.
  21. I please my guy my any means. Sexually whatever you want , I got you. But me. If I want head, ass or anything other than his bus hit ass hand job , I get NOTHING. Then when he cums and I pass on the hand job he asks me why didn't i cum. Should I break up wit him or what? Anonymous poster hash: c6693...4bc
  22. What qualities should it withhold? Benefits? How important is sex? Knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy? Trust? ect? Im just wanting to get as much information as possible on relationships so I can help better understand. Please and thanks!! (:
  23. So the guy I'm seeing says we're dating, but not in a relationship (i.e. not boyfriend/girlfriend). Is that just a fancy way of saying friends with benefits? He's said he likes to wait a while before actually making things official, but we've already had sex...is that backwards? I asked him specifically if we were just friends with benefits and he told me "friends don't look at eachother the way I look at you". Thoughts? Should I continue in hopes it evolves into an actual relationship or quit now?
  24. I'm 30 years old and this is my first relationship. I started dating a friend of mine around 1 month ago. He was very promiscuous during his teens, but his last relationship lasted for 7 years (we are same age). They broke up last year (she cheated and is now pregnant with her new guy's child, with whom she has been living for the past 10 months). I told him we needn't be a couple if he's not ready to date. He said that he didn't want to have a girlfriend at the moment but likes me very much so he would like for us to be a couple. I was fine with this. I see some red flags in our relationship, even though this is my first one. You comments would be very much appreciated: He displays a very self-destructive behaviour when out with his friends (heavy drinking mainly) and blames me when I show concern ("it is very early for me to go on and change the unhealthy lifestyle I developed after the break up"). Lack of empathy (for example, I wanted to meet and he did not care and went drinking with his friends; refuses to make our relationship public on Facebook because "after all we have just kissed a couple times, a relationship needs time to develop and get stronger"). When asked if he is serious about me, he says he is but "we can never be sure about anything or put much hope into the relationship, look at what happened with my last (cheating) girlfriend, she also promised we would be forever together". He does not value the efforts I make. I always pay for our meals because he is unemployed and he jokes that I am rich. He expects me to kiss him and stuff, but he never initiates the cuddling. He really wants to have sex, but I cannot do it now because of cultural reasons (I was raised conservatively, I would not like to have sex unless I clearly see that we are going to be together long-term). I am wondering if giving him my virginity would improve things, or if I should break up with him, or what...
  25. Im doing a safe sex campaign for my graded unit for college could you please take this survey i made its anonymous and it would be a real big help to me, thanks! https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DVQDZSQ