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Found 6 results

  1. It took a little digging to find the new site. I have missed it! I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope I have posted it in the right place. But I would really like some advice or kind words. I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure what to do. My BF (of 2 1/2 years) and I went camping with his family this weekend, which was stressful and our part was organized by me alone. That's a whole other ball of wax, but my bf's mother informed us that his dad's brother and wife were going to be in town this coming weekend, from Texas (we are in California). My bf hasn't seen them in probably ten years. On top of that, since they are coming, his other Aunt is coming, and they are celebrating his only grandma's 79th birthday, and we are both expected to be there. A bit last minute. We had been planning to help MY parents install their new flooring this weekend for 2 months. But I can't, and won't, insist that my BF not see his family because we have to help mine install flooring, even if it is last inconveniently last minute. So I called my dad up as soon as I got home, as I needed to wish them a happy anniversary and ask if we can install the flooring the following weekend. Well, my dad got very irritated. I told him that I wasn't happy about it either, and I'm not, but I can't really do anything about it. My BF is the more valuable one as far as knowing how to install that flooring, but honestly we just installed it in our new place, and that's the only reason we know anything. And, by the way, we did that without any help from them, since they were on a long vacation. So he gets all stony and cold, so I ask to talk to his wife (we get a long very very well), and inform her of what is going on and she was equally irritated with me. She said it just seemed like his family interrupted their plans a lot. Their plans? I can think of 1 or 2 times in 2 1/2 years. Mine? yeah, a lot. But my parents have ruined our plans as well and we've rescheduled or missed things with my bf's side too. I get handed back to my dad, where he asks me what day it is, then I remember I was going to wish them a happy anniversary, and all I got back was, "did you tell ____(his wife) that?" And I said no, but explained that I mean to, I just got side tracked with that conversation and all the billion other things going on (Tagged her in a Facebook post after, with a photo I had taken at the wedding and wished them a Happy Anniversary again, got "thanks"). I called them like 20 minutes after I parked my car in the driveway. We can't do the floors the following weekend because it's his wife's granddaughter's birthday and they are driving over to visit them. Then my dad, all mad, says that he guesses he just won't go. Or maybe he'll just do the floors himself. blah blah blah. And I try explaining its hard to make things work, and schedule things between the two families. He always acts like I have absolute control over everything that happens. Then get's mad at me when I don't make things go his way. His wife's kids are never there to help with anything. Just earlier this year we went over two weekends in a row to help him put up a new fence. He always gets grouchy and rude during these projects too. I texted my BF after that and told him my dad wasn't happy with me, and he said that he could just install the flooring himself then. Which didn't help. I'm just feeling pressure from all sides to appease everybody, and also the pressure on myself to do what I think is the right thing. I told him that I'd try to nail down exactly what is happening with the bf's family and I'd call him back today. But honestly, my only option is to just drive the 2 hours over there by myself this weekend and try to be as helpful as I can. And also deal with his bad attitude during the install. But now I'm just angry. I don't want to help him now. I generally have a good relationship with my father, and his wife..but I'm just mad. I'm mad that they apparently gave no thought to everything I have going on, they don't listen when I try to talk about my issues with stress and anxiety, he just gets mad when I'm not at his beck and call, and when we go help him with something he always ends up being very rude during the project. And I also think its wrong that they would want my BF to ignore his whole family to go help them with FLOORS, or at least wrong that they are putting so much pressure on me to somehow make that happen. Hell, last Thanksgiving, when they wanted me to come over and I told him that my BF and I needed to go to his parent's because his brother who is in the military would be home for it, a rare occurrence, my dad got so mad at me. Said we had spent last thanksgiving with them, when we didn't, we were alone for it because both sets of our parents were out of town visiting other family members. Mine were only a few hours away visiting one of his wife's kids, but its not like I was even invited anyway. Then we went and did Christmas with them and stayed for 5 DAYS. I would understand the frustration if I never called, or visited, or helped when they asked, but I DO. All the time. Even when it is inconvenient for me. Any advice in dealing with this? I want to call him up and chew him out, or at least say that I won't be coming at all and I'm disappointed in his behavior. I realize I can't please everyone all the time..but no one else seems to be realizing this. I hate last minute changes myself. I don't want any of this to be happening. I feel overwhelmed with my family, my BF's family, seeing my BF have such a hard time with his family, helping him, with school, with work, my anxiety and depression. I had a meltdown last night...I'm in college right now getting my BA. My dad has been helping me out by having me on his cell plan and paying for my car insurance, he also helped me pay for a car repair I couldn't afford last year, and, this car being my first, he helped me get that too and its in his name. I feel like maybe that is part of the reason I'm in the beck and call position, but I know that part of it is that it is just his personality and I'm his only child. I'm not ungrateful. I help him all the time. I call just to say hi and ask how they are doing. I'm always trying to be helpful. I'm repeating myself. Please, any advice would be very much appreciated. I want to throw my hands up in the air, chew him out, and ask my BF to help me maybe buy the car from him, and pay the insurance, registration, etc. I also just wish I could be more independent and not owe anybody..but that's why I'm in school, getting A's, and digging myself into debt. HELP.
  2. I don't honestly know where to begin right now, lately my life has changing in a very big way and to be honest, i'm very afraid. I have been working at the same factory job for approximately eight months and right from the get-go I was instantly being made fun of by my co-workers. i'm usually an optimistic guy and typically don't mind it if i'm the butt of the joke sometimes, just as long as somebody was laughing I was happy, well the severity of their jokes increased over time and it went from being "ha! your short!" (i'm approximately 5'5" maybe 5'6" by the way) to the most recent jokes, which are "your the reason people quit their jobs" or "your a piece of shit". Now, I can take a joke don't get me wrong, but to put into context like that was/still is very hurtful. See, I'm a friendly guy, I try to go at life with an open mind and welcome anyone into my life, I try not to judge or put down anybody, I don't care what sex, race, heigth, etc you are, the way I see it, you respect me and i'll respect you, simple as that. Now, with that in mind, I understand that each person has their own special type of humor, which usually I am pretty adaptable to other peoples humor, whether it be a "why'd the chicken cross the road" joke or all the way up to the dirty nasty jokes. Well, my favorite type of jokes are puns and I use them quite frequently and most of the people I work with love the puns I make, but the dude I literally work side-by-side with hates any joke that he hasn't made (he's a very self-centered, "I don't care what you have to say, but I will force you to listen to what I have to say" type of person and same person who tells me I am a piece of shit and that I am the reason people quit there jobs) and over time I have tried to make him laugh and I have been succesful at certain points, but typically he's the one that makes jokes about me and makes my whole line at work laugh at me, including my team leader and supervisor. He constantly makes fun of me and tries to be superior to me, even though he has admitted to me, that I am much smarter than he is because I have told him that I love neuroscience, psychology, sociology, computer programming, and 3D art and design, whereas he just prefers to just stay at home and play videogames and eat whatever his mom cooks him. See, this dude is about 6'3" maybe 6'4" and is a heavy set man, who is actually a couple months younger than me and his buddy (my team leader) is about the same height but the skinny, cocky, arrogant type who is an athiest who constantly puts down anybody's religions or beleifs, who also has severe ADHD and they both like to (I guess you would say "bully") pick on me. I used to be an optimistic guy, a deep thinker, a positive attitude, an honest straight forward guy and always tried to pick people up when their down type of guy, but for a while my job made all of us work twelve hour shifts for three months in a row and sometimes we were forced to do weekends as well,and well having to deal with my co-worker and team leader for so long I have found that I am slowly becoming more and more like them everyday. You know how you are around somebody for so long, you start acting like them by accident? Well, I feel I am becoming more like these guys more and more each day and I hate it, I am constantly in a bad mood, I don't deep think like I used to, I can't stay focused, I always bark at the smallest thing and I have noticed that I have become more rude to everybody. It doesn't help that I am trying to get an apartment with a lady friend of mine (no, she is not a girlfriend, just a friend. We both want to move out of our parents places and so we agreed to get an apartment together) and well since we are around our twenties and don't really make much we are trying to get into these goverment owned, subsidizing housing apartments and for some reason the upper management of those apartments are being very difficult with us and havent told us if we have got the apartment yet or not, which we have been waiting for almost over a month now and so with that, my lady friend is trying to look around for other places which is understandable but she found houses and other apartments for like $800 a month, which is way above our budget, and she wants a couple friends of hers to move in with us, that are pretty much strangers to me. So not only have I been stressing out about the apartment situation, but also I am constantly being bullied. I want to quit my job, but problem is, I lost my truck a few months ago because the transmission dropped in it and I didn't have the money to fix it and so I have had to bum rides from a friend of mine (who is on disability and welfare, so she can't work) and she has told me that the village we live in and the next town over is about as far as she will travel, which sucks cause my town/village does not have alot a jobs, it maybe has like two or three gas stations, a mcdonalds (which I used to work at, but walked out of, so I wont be able to work there again), a small grocery store and maybe a dollar store and the next town over has maybe a couple factory jobs, but some of them don't allow smoking (I smoke) or "you have to know somebody, that knows somebody" to get into those jobs and a walmart. I am so stressed out and confused with what to do, I don't even know who I am anymore, I miss the person I used to be and I just want to disappear for a little while (don't worry, I'm not suicidal). Can anyone please help me? I feel like my hands are tied and that I am just stuck between a rock and a hard place.
  3. A year ago this month a three year relationship I was in ended. She left me for another man but I understand why. For the first year it was great we loved each other did fun things ect.. The last two years though I seemed to become emotionally abusive to her. A few examples are I wouldn't like when she hung out with her guy friends alone, I would often get jealous, I wouldn't threaten to break up with her or take back a promise ring I bought for her, I made her feel like anything she did wasn't good enough. Since this break up I have been going in and out of depression. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for what I put her through and I want to change. After the break up I dropped out of two semesters of college because I just couldn't focus on anything. 6 months ago I lost my job of 3.7 years because I was often late due to my depression. Currently I am in school but I am falling behind and I am feeling overwhelmed. This past year I have lost a lot of my friends that I've had since high school. Currently I only have two distant friends left and I am worried I will also lose them as well. I am very antisocial I get nervous when I leave my house or talk to people. I feel like everyone is judging me. I have trouble keeping eye contact or even talking to people because my mind goes blank. So I end up staying in my house during all my free time. I feel so hopeless like these feelings will never go away. I can't focus on anything my mind is just filled with a thick fog. All I do is procrastinate. My therapist gave me vyvanse two weeks ago because when I was younger I was diagnosed with ADHD but all it seems to be doing is making me more depressed and unable to focus. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like nothing will get me out of this place which makes me think what is the purpose of living a life where I just hurt the ones I love and feel all these negative feelings everyday. All I want is to be happy and become someone if life with a family that I could love.
  4. Synopsis (TLDR;) My dad racked up debt, is non-committal, may be feigning depression, and is impossible to talk to without offending. My family is falling apart, I feel responsible, and am seeking advice. I'm seeking feedback on my situation and possible suggestions for action, as I feel unable to make a sound decision due to emotional issues. The problem I'm facing revolves generally around my father, and specifically around my inability to understand his behavior. Fair warning, I find it difficult to express myself or relate a story without appearing long-winded and wordy. Some details before I begin: I am currently enrolled in my fourth and final year of undergraduate study. My father is middle-aged and lives with my mother in the suburbs of a large city in the Midwest. If you want the short(er) version skip to the second # on the left hand side of the page. # My father is horrible with money--awful at handling it, saving it, balancing it, earning it--all aspects of it, really. He works in a challenging field and, at one point, made around 60,000 dollars a year. Combined with my mother's salary of 30,000 or so, I had a privileged childhood that I remain very thankful for. Growing up, I often heard my parents argue about my dad's job, he had switched institutions three times since he began work in the late 80's, much to the dismay of my mother. She kept warning him that if he kept quitting there would soon be no more institutions in the area willing to hire him. When I was in the seventh grade, my father quit his job without informing any of us, somehow pretending to work for over a year while spending retirement savings, the college funds of my brother and I, borrowing against his pension, and racking up nearly 30,000 dollars in credit card debt on top of late mortgage payments. He spent without reserve during this time, assumedly to cover up his guilt. We received new phones; he purchased a boat, land outside of town, a new car, and finished our basement. The times were great while they lasted. Eventually my mother received a notice in the mail that revealed what my dad had done. Our house hadn't been paid off entirely (nor had the cars) and my mother didn't earn nearly enough to pay them off on her own. My parents fought and screamed for what seemed like an eternity. They threatened each other with divorce. This didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. What bothered me was when my mother wept; she waited until my father was gone and my brother and I were in bed. For some strange reason I still feel guilty that I could hear her. I realize now that I'm getting a bit away from my point, and will fast-forward a few years, refocusing the story on my brother, mother, and self. My brother and I were lucky enough to fit into the "gifted" category at school, he had excelled more than I, but we shared the same passion for learning and reading. He was dismayed by the loss of his college funds, but managed to get a full ride to a top-rated university. He worked throughout school to purchase himself a car and provide for living expenses. Looking to his example, I began working 27 to 36 hours a week at a local store, more in the summers, in preparation for college. All the while, my father began selling off ill-gotten property and took a job making 40,000 dollars a year. He made it very clear to me that he could not help me pay for college; I understood his impossible position but will not pretend I was without resentment. I followed in my brother's footsteps some years later, entering the same university with around 80% of my tuition covered by scholarship. Due to my parent's combined income, I received no income-based aid. For my first year of school I lacked decent health insurance, a car, a laptop, and a meal plan. Working regular time, and not without student loans, I have purchased these things for myself, and am currently spending what I presume to be my last summer staying with my parents in our suburban home. My mother often offers to help make payments, and I realize she would follow through, but I don't want her to lose what little she's saved by taking a second job during our troubles. This brings us to present day (again, I apologize for the lengthy preface). # During my time away at university, my father has worked at four different institutions, spending nearly half of his time unemployed. Within six shifts at a new job, he would begin to complain that the working conditions are unsafe, or the environment is hostile, or the drive too taxing. He would then promptly quit, leaving numerous black marks on his resume and stressing my mother to no end. They are now both nearing retirement age, and he’s still paying off debts accrued during his vacation from reality some eight years ago. This past winter he took up a taxing job with wonderful benefits and an impressive salary. He seemed cheerier, and my parents appeared to be as, if not more, happy than they had been in a long time. Last week I returned from my apartment at school to find my mother once again distraught, and that my father had quit his job once again. This time, he introduced a new all-encompassing explanation for his behavior and truant tendencies: depression. He revealed to me that he had been diagnosed with anxiety, but not GAD, a year ago and has been prescribed a mixture of anti-anxiety medication coupled with Ritalin to counter-act the grogginess. I was shocked by this revelation, my father was taking uppers in the morning, downers at night and, according to my observations, liberally following his doctors orders to use “as needed†throughout the day. I do not treat this depression lightly, my brother and I have suffered from it in varying degrees requiring professional attention throughout our lives. My father has never--and in my opinion still does not--show any symptoms of the disorder. He claims to be too depressed to work and sometimes even to eat. I notice that, while he “cannot†work professionally, he spends his free time gardening, fishing, playing the guitar, and surfing the internet. He frequently skips meals my mother and I prepare, but I often find fast food bags and snack food containers hidden in the bottom of our trash bins. It infuriates me that he makes a point of looking depressed when my mother and I get ready for work in the morning by staying in bed and feigning a lack of appetite*. *A quick example, today I left for work while my dad was in bed without my tie, I returned briefly after leaving to fetch it. When I entered the house my father was eating cereal in front of the TV he had hastily turned off when he heard me open the door. This event is largely responsible for my current rant. My brother escaped much of the financial ruin, I have attempted to overcome it, but my mother is constantly bearing the price of my father’s whims. I’ve racked my brain for solutions or even peace of mind, but I remain limited by the fact he’s very temperamental, and has reacted almost violently to my attempts to verbalize financial concerns in the past. I don’t feel entitled to the money he’s lost, but I do feel responsible for the fate of our family. My brother has nearly abandoned the problems of our family since he moved away (we still keep in touch), my father plays the part of a child refusing to attend Sunday service because he wants to play with toys and watch cartoons, and my mother cries at night. Life at university is hard, and I feel like I have no time to myself due to hours of wage work, scholarship jobs, and studying, but returning to my parent’s house is a thousand times more trying. I’m afraid my dad is noncommittal enough to abandon my mother if I don’t keep coming home to mediate over breaks or possibly even petty enough to flee if I merely embarrass him by speaking candidly about the matter. I’m afraid my mother will break-down if I stop coming home or cease calling her every week while at school to listen to her vent and seek consultation. I’m afraid my brother will pull further away until he’s completely unwilling to support my parents in old age when they inevitably grow too old to work if I stop keeping in close contact with him and his wife. I’m afraid I won’t be able to support them on my own while maintaining my own life and saving for a future family of my own. Advice for future action, comments on my harsh attitude towards my father, suggestions on coping are all welcome and sought. I often seek solace in books, and in writing this summary of my anxieties I was constantly reminded of Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.†Tolstoy hit the mark, but it brings little comfort; I feel that unhappy families are unhappy in ineffable ways, and I regret not being able to fully communicate many aspects of our scenario in this appeal. I would be remiss not to once again apologize for my long-windedness and thank anyone who took the time to read my often pretentious and always depressing style of writing.
  5. I don't know what to do,please help me,give me some helpful advice. Okay the problem is currently where I work,it is a Hospital and I am working here as a SQL Database Admin for last 5 months. I want to leave this job because the work they gave is not at all related to my work. All they do is to give unnecessary work,now they have given me to write some documentation on some software and I am not at all interested to do. My colleague is making pressure on me to do it and so the work is pending for last 3 days. If i say that I will not do it, I may have to face some consequences. This is not the actual problem,problem is they keep torturing me mentally,they abuse me,make fun of me in their language (Kannada- Karnataka,Indian Language) which I can't understand fully. Whenever I see their faces I just wish I could have learned better during my College days by which I could have got a good Company. I want to leave this job,but I can't as this is the only source of income for me. If I tell this to my family they will think that I am not doing work properly and then they will tell me not to leave this company (hospital). Please tell me what to do
  6. I'll right to the point here... Lately I've been obsessing about my weight/stomach size/feeling fat and I have been very careful about what I eat or drink. Usually I'm the kind of person who will eat whatever I feel like and not care what other people think (because food is awesome). But lately... I don't want to eat. I feel like eating will make me fat. Before you say, "yep - get help. That's the start to anorexia" I should tell you that I'm 22 years old, and in my fourth year of a Psychology Degree. I know what these thoughts are and I know all about eating disorders (a friend of mine has been anorexic for about 5 years). What scares me is that now I'M the one thinking these things and I don't know why. I love food... I want to eat food like I always do... but at the same time I don't want it. I just want water. I want to lose weight. I guess I should also mention that I'm not over weight and never have been. I'm 5'5" and 125lbs. But my tummy has been poking out a little too much these past couple months and I can't stop obsessing about it!! I've started doing exercises for my core and I've been walking every day for at least 30min, which isn't a bad thing, but the only reason I'm doing it is because I'm hoping my stupid belly will start shrinking back to what it was before. A big reason I chose to write a post about this is because about 20 minutes ago I purged for the very first time in my life. It's probably also important to say that I had a major depressive episode 6 years ago and have been struggling with anxiety and OCD since recovering from that. I'm on anti-depressants for it all. Could this just be my OCD? .... Does anyone have any advice on what to do? It's starting to jepordize my studying...which isn't good since I'm in my fourth and final year of my degree. Thanks for reading.