Thebigba

My so called life

79 posts in this topic

so here I am, 33 year's have gone by since my birth and Life has been one long roller coaster of bad decisions and plentiful regret's. I live from one place to another ( currently I'm in ashland, Ky living with a family who offered assistance). I tire of life like this. I have been homeless in the winter, I have lived with various family members and various other people whose intentions I know were good, but when it comes down to it I can never stay anywhere long.  I have had many jobs and i tire of not being able to keep myself secured in one. These days I find there isn't a job for me that will support my general cost of living. I know well about sacrifice, I have sacrificed many things and many parts of myself to survive as long as I already have. Which brings me to the subject I wish to discuss.

 

I no longer want to live in this world.

 

I tire of trying when trying has only ever brought me failure. I know some of you might say things such as " try and try again." or "keep trying it will eventually get better!" However I have lived long enough and been trying for as long as i can remember. The thing is... I do not approve of the way this world and it's population are. I do not wish to exist in a world which thrives on greed. No matter the good intentions of people it all boils down to Money. Everyone needs it, Everyone want's it... and everything is so damn expensive.  I feel like i was born into hell. Like this is my punishment for whatever sins I may have committed in a past life. I cannot make it here I do not want to.

 

Some people can get by and more and more are not simply because the cost of being alive these days isn't equal to the payment for services rendered. I myself have worked my fingers to the bone pouring drive ways and side walks, or unloading trucks at a food service warehouse neither of which has brought forth any amount of money that could keep me in my own house by myself what with the cost of other bills and such. By now I know things aren't going to change , Things aren't going to get cheaper, payment for services rendered aren't going to raise in such a manner that it comfortably passes the cost of living. 

 

I know I'm not seeing the world the way most people  might, I don't see a lot of happiness going on, I just hear a lot of complaining and see a lot of despair. I hate imposing on other people , I know they tire of me being here. But , no matter how i try I fail.  So I'm going to take care of some things and give some of the stuff i own to my brother, and I'm going to rid myself of the eternal cycle of downward spirals my life is and has been since i can remember. I only thought that freedom meant free. Not having someone always tell you what to do and where to do it. not always costing you half your paycheck for one enjoyable item or more than your monthly allowance to live. This world has forgotten what " free " even means. I no longer want to be here. I'm going to end this misery. Call me weak, tell me people care, hell make fun of me , tell me to do it, that the world would be better without me, I'll even believe you. The world would have been a much better place without any human. 

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Brother. Hold on. Goodness is on the way.. :)

 

You are lucky you know why?? you can walk still..i know a guy you can't walk because of some health issues.. Let me share some quotes that may help you to understand what this life is about wow to live or to do something.  I also had this kind of depression and i know how it feels... but believe me... it's just your mind that making you feel like this... we only feel depressed when you think ...when we think about how long i was doing this and didn't get anything...or when we think about future...what will happen ... i never get it and will never get that... JUST FORGET EVERYTHING..No matter how hard your past is...still you are alive you have two hands why??? because with them you can work and make things..you have brain?? why ?? Oh no not to think...but...to think to imagine a good future...to plan to make solutions for your problems ....and then make things happen.. Mind is a tool...not a teacher.. if you use it..it will give you what you want...but if you will listen to it..it will give you false thoughts...it will make you feel less and low...but let me tell you one thing there is no problems it just "THOUGHTS" 

stop !.. take a deep breath.. :) Look around ...yes now look around and what is wrong there in this present moment?? Tell me ?? look around where are you right now !! what's wrong??? Nothing !!! you can still breath you can still see..you are healthy you can walk you can work..run ..smile ...all the things ... be your own hero bro ... if you think you can't get this or that... JUST GET THAT !! do those things you think you can't do...make it happen... if you want to die..i suggest you die trying to get what you want to get. :)

Die trying.. don't quit !! 

There are books that may help you to understand things one should understand. 
Or forget books just go and read some quotes of "Alan wilson watts" "Eckhart Tolle" "Ramana Maharishi" "Robert adams"

Don't lose hope. :)
don't trust your thoughts... and mind.

Trust life :) 
It will give what you really need soon. 
Please cheer up !! :)

Quotes : 

 

Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone. 

 

Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.

 

This is the real secret of life -- to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.

 

“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.

 

Life is like music for its own sake. We are living in an eternal now, and when we listen to music we are not listening to the past, we are not listening to the future, we are listening to an expanded present.

 

 

In the middle of the 1960s, vietnam was in flames, monks and nuns were getting killed while helping the villagers. The newscast was full of angry men talking about scalating violence, the united states had commited to bombing the north back into the stone age. Old people, children, men and women, had no one to run for refuge, despair was everywhere. A young monk asked thich nhat hanh.....will this war ever end, will there be an end to all this suffering? He contained himself for a moment to breathe deeply and answered with a clear voice "the buddha said that all things are impermanent, so the war is impermanent too, we must hold to our practice and continue to assist as many as we can". 

~ Insights of the Lotus Sutra- Thich Nhat Hanh

 

The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.

 

You never fail until you stop trying.

Albert Einstein

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Yeah I'll do it, i'll cheer myself up , i'll pretend that life is peachy, while im getting kicked out of the place im staying ( for who knows how many times that already happened? ) to be homeless ( yet again in the winter, and let me tell you this has been a bad winter to be homeless) because i know I'll get job at BigLot's and it's not beneath me to work my ass off to get paid  for stocking shelves and mopping floor's  so that at the end of the month i can look back and see that I can afford to buy a plastic shed so I can move into the woods and sleep in that instead of my leaking tent.  

 

What is there to be cheerful about? I can walk up to a job and apply for it ( right now in weather that is climibing soon to be out of the 20's as i speak. Yes I have two legs,( recently my hip has been going bad and cause much pain when trying to walk however hospital's and doctors are expensive and as such I generally don't go to them.) and two feet ( one foot was crushed last year by a 2 ton trailer and was never seen by a doctor , it causes me much pain  and often feels like a bone is trying to break through the skin on my heel.) 

 

I have two hands yeah, I can make things and do thing with them, Should I be happy about that? I an fix things, I am actually very intelligent and can do alot of things many people lack either the ability to do or desire to do? i don't know however this won't land me in a job I can be happy with. It doesn't put food on my table(assuming i have a table) it doesn't fill my tent with heat.  I could continue to live life in this dreadful way thinking toward a brighter future , and striving still to do better than I am, but for what would be the reason if it never does get better and I never am able to rise above this situation. Why would it be better to try and fail than to die and feel the release of a lifelong struggle finally breaking and being at peace?

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Hi Thebigba - you are right, there is just no magic wand. There is some of us though that have been where you are now. I also had to sleep in the street on a couple of occasions. Know what that is like, not so cold here by us though - so your situation is definitely worse than what mine could ever have been.

 

All I can say, is - yes it is difficult to live with other people, but do it regardless. Do whatever it takes to survive, because (yes I know you do not want to hear it) it does get better at some or other stage. 

 

I do not live in America, so I cannot advise you on where to go to seek help. Here by us there is safe-houses, not the best of places, but it is a roof over your head and a warm plate of soup a day. Is there nothing like that, close to where you live?

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Hi Thebigba - you are right, there is just no magic wand. There is some of us though that have been where you are now. I also had to sleep in the street on a couple of occasions. Know what that is like, not so cold here by us though - so your situation is definitely worse than what mine could ever have been.

 

All I can say, is - yes it is difficult to live with other people, but do it regardless. Do whatever it takes to survive, because (yes I know you do not want to hear it) it does get better at some or other stage. 

 

I do not live in America, so I cannot advise you on where to go to seek help. Here by us there is safe-houses, not the best of places, but it is a roof over your head and a warm plate of soup a day. Is there nothing like that, close to where you live?

Hi Aisha, There are places around most cities in america that offer housing for the unfortunate, However  I am a seemingly able man and I would rather those places cater to women with children and the elderly , I would not take up a spot at such a residence knowing that I would be putting one of those type's out of a spot. In any case most of those facilities stay full ( especially during winter). My condition of living isn't really the issue as of to where , believe me I can live and survive anywhere. It just won't be a life I want to keep living. Like I say I'm tired, so tired of living in a world I can't be happy in.  How do you find happiness in a world where people want to control every aspect of your life. Where it costs to live and costs to die? Sometime at some point in this earths history life was created and there was no price tag associated with it.  Now to have a relationship with anyone family,friends, you have to be doing good for yourself. By doing good for yourself I mean keep a job, pay your bills, have your own place. Believe me even your dearest family member wont lodge you for long if all you do is fail.  It's not that I don't want to  do good for myself, I like having a job, I like owning things for myself. What I don't like is working too hard for it. What does it matter if you have thing's you own but no time to enjoy them, because from the job's I'm able to get I see i have to work two jobs in order to even be able to have my own place and keep bills paid. Now this doesn't leave much room for enjoying life or sleep for that matter.  Yeah there are people out there doing it, and there are people coming up above their situations everyday. I hope others rise above their's also but I just don't see a future here for myself anymore.

andyk86 likes this

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You are very articulate and come across in your post and reply to a very bright and intelligent 33 year old. I'm sure you have heard similar from your family. So that coming from someone who has never met you should be encouraging. 

 

All that said i think there is something about your past that you still trying to hide or bring up. It could be you were molested or abused as a child. Or perhaps you are struggling with your sexuality. Or it could be something else totally different from these. Is it okay if we talk about that? 

Ilse likes this

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Hi Thebigba

 

Not sure how familiar you are with this site, I want to address some of your points, I will do them a bit at a time so you can hit the quote button and respond to each individually if you like

 

 

so here I am, 33 year's have gone by since my birth and Life has been one long roller coaster of bad decisions and plentiful regret's. I live from one place to another ( currently I'm in ashland, Ky living with a family who offered assistance). I tire of life like this. 

 

I really identify with this. The good news is that you are not looking to blame others, you have the self awareness to understand you have played a part in your misfortune (even if all of it was not your fault). This is good news because many people will only blame others. At age 32 I put down the booze and I had nothing, did not have a single life skill to live life on lifes terms, I had a whole bunch of regrets and had made no end of bad decisions. After the treatment center I was living at my Mums house for a while.. So whilst you are in a tight spot I would say there is a very good chance you will be able to recover from this awful position.

 

More to follow

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I think you need to see just how wonderful your opportunities are now that you seemingly want to unplug from society. If you could get tru the winter, and maybe work towards a goal of enough money to travel and get some awesome camping gear for the warmer weather. You could travel anyway you desire. I personally like bicycle touring.  Just work enough to afford basic needs during the summer.. You dont need to plug in.. Your able to survive in situations that most people cant.Instead of seeing this as a negative experience, look at it as the time of your life..n Go to the most remote places, take pics, be the best at what your doing, even if your doing is unplugging from a sic system.. You should be happy you found a better way. Just work out the kinks and refine your schedule..You could work during the winter an travel all thru out the spring summer and  fall.  Theres a few other people on help that live this lifestyle and would never go back... Just an idea.. May as well be the best you could be no matter what you do.. 

 

 the summer 

Ilse and emerge like this

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I no longer want to live in this world.

 

The thing is... I do not approve of the way this world and it's population are. I do not wish to exist in a world which thrives on greed. No matter the good intentions of people it all boils down to Money. Everyone needs it, Everyone want's it... and everything is so damn expensive.  

 

Some people can get by and more and more are not simply because the cost of being alive these days isn't equal to the payment for services rendered. 

 

You are not loosing your sanity, this is a great observation and the way you feel about it (i.e. overwhelmed to the point of suicide) is totally understandable. The injustice of being prepared to work hard and be rewarded with insufficient to be able to have a roof over your head whilst others are sitting on acres of cash for doing very little (other than parasiting money from others) is a huge injustice. People are in many cases worse off than slaves and yet they tell us we are free. 

 

Are we heading towards a demonic world government? I would like to know what you think.

 

http://www.ae911truth.org/

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Thanks for all the answers and responses. I'll try to respond accordingly.  I'll start by telling you I guess Where these feeling became to stem from. 

 

As a child I was abused by my father, not molested, just beat and yelled at alot, I won't go into more detail I'm sure some have had it worse and I have long since forgiven him for it. I moved around alot one family member to the next , whichever seemed to want to care for me at the time.My mother didn't have a part to play in my life until i was older in my teens or so. It was my aunt, grandma and father i was being juggled in between. Life wasn't all that bad I just started feeling unwanted. 

 

In school I fought a lot ,couldn't get along with people, didn't know how, still kinda don't, not really. I made good grades always you know, a-b honor roll with only one b. Considering I moved schools so much I didn't make many friends if any( today none of them are in my life nor I in theirs. ) so school work was basically all I had to attach to.  Then I started getting into trouble. I fought alot, I did stupid things with people I shouldn't been around. I now have a felony on my record for such things I did as a youth. This particular incident was nothing more than stealing a twelve pack of mountain dew out of shed next to a gas station. They called it Burglary of an unoccupied structure and larceny. I was 18 when I committed the crime was placed on probation couldn't fulfill the terms of said probation and ultimately ended up serving 18 months in a Florida state correctional facility.  

 

My faith in the system and the majority of people is lacking thus. I realize I did something wrong but I can't help but feel some 12 years since I got out that I have paid plenty enough already for said crime. No! it stares at me in the face every time I apply for a job or even when I apply for an apartment because god knows Im a horrible person for stealing that mountain dew way back when so why should I deserve an apartment or a job that benefits better than minimum wage? Such is the world I see around me, unforgiving. So here for the past few years I have worked where I could when I could never it lasting long. Due to my poor social skills or past history one or the other I get " Let Go". My most recent job( I was driving vans as taxis for train workers, engineers and conductors to their trains. I was relying on the family I live with to give me rides to pick up and drop off a van on call. Which I realize it wasn't their responsibility but we had an arrangement and they couldn't get me there a few times when I needed to and it was a bit too far to walk. So I got let go due to my inability to get to work. Sadly I like to boast when I have a job that I'm never late, nor do I miss days unless im dying. but this instance proved that wrong. I live from place to place with differen't people be it family or not and in the end it always boils down to wearing out my welcome. Since there obviously isn't an end to the way's I fail or the times I fail then this is all I have to look forward to. 

 

@ Southern Comfort  Yes abused but not nearly as badly as some were. Not molested, nope. and while at times I may have done such things I do wish to talk about I find myself not struggling at all with my sexuality. I am into women and that's the bottom line. I realize there is nothing wrong with a persons preference so I do not judge others for their sexuality and I know where mine stands.

 

@ Aeolian Mode  Those are some good idea's  but I don't really see myself going on with that. Having moved around so much already I have been trying to find something stable to hold onto. It was what I really wanted.

 

@ noonelikesaknowitall

 

I'm glad, more people these day's are becoming aware and someday who knows maybe enough people  being aware could make a change to a better future. Recently and let me tell you I normally don't think of such things and very uncoomon to have a dream. Yet recently ( the past week or so) I had a dream about a war that will end everything all life. I fear what that might mean (if anything at all, you know how dreams can be.) But this is not something I want to be part of. If I knew that we could do something about it I might try. I just don't feel like the people are ready to make any big changes like that. most people just like having the responsibility  shoved onto the shoulder's of someone else or so it seems. Our society today and our laws and costs are reflected by our inability to stand and do something or our misguided interpretations of government activities either way it's not to blame the government it's the people that allow things to be this way. And whose to say there is a way to fix things now. Or if it's even broken at all yet some of us just don't agree. All I know is I tire of it myself so much so that I think if there is anything after death I would rather live there, or hell if there is nothing at all then atleast I would know what peace is.

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Thanks for the in depth reply BigBA. So many people wont go into how they are feeling having made the original post. I respect you for that. I admire your courage as well for saying how it is, saying how close to the end of your rope you feel. For me that was something I just could not face, asking for help or reaching out for help. Well done. 

 

So the idea of ending it must seem appealing, I should tell you I have tried twice in my life. I mention that as I want to say the both times it was based on a lie. I was so caught up in my own thinking, never questioning it and never sharing it that I was unable to ask for help. 

 

The lie the first time was that I was going to end up just like my dad and their was nothing I could do about it. Interestingly it could have been so, I could have ended up just like my dad, that was not the lie, the lie was that there was nothing I could do about it. To me there was no way I could have known at that point what I know now and so I was easy pickings. 

 

So I would say to you that the lie for you is that you have nothing to offer and life has nothing to offer you. Of course I am just risking here (risking- a term they used in the treatment center where you guess with out really knowing in the hope of provoking some sort of reaction or understanding, often done on the basis of ones own experience rather than arbitrarily)  Although it may not be apparent right now there will be a purpose to your life and this is heading somewhere. 

 

I am sorry to hear that you got busted for that incident. I have done many stupid things in my life. 

 

My father was an angry alcoholic. I moved around a lot when I was young. I know what it is not to have strong ties to people. 

 

Have you ever considered going to church? I know that may seem an unlikely to solve any immediate problems however I think part of this life is a search for the truth. Macro evolution having been falsified several times over (I have told the evolutionists sadly they weren't listening) which leaves no natural (purely materialistic ) explanation for life. So the default position is God exists. This changes a lot. How do you feel about that?

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Right now you don't need a job you love, you just need a job. So don't be fussy about it. Take what you can, then find a way to get a job doing something you love.

 

You do seem very intelligent and articulate. Have you thought about being self employed, yes its hard work but you have the power to decide how much you earn.

 

Obviously you don't really want to end it all, otherwise you wouldn't be here posting stuff, you'd just do it.

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Although it may not be apparent right now there will be a purpose to your life and this is heading somewhere. 

It is true you know, at some or other point a lot of us contemplate it - ending our lives - but then again we just do not know what lies on 'the other side' - in this life neither in death.

Most of us here can tell you though that it was at reaching that ultimate low point in our lives, where things started getting better. Seems a person have to reach rock-bottom to actually have self realization. You are there now.

The journey might not become instantly better, but it does. It is the middle of winter and you are really having it hard. But the summer will come again, you are more than halfway there.

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I dont know how you could be stable without a job.. If you want stability, find something you could do for pay.. The world is harsh, but you dont have to be.. Write an autobiography.. You write well.. Hey I am older than you and still love traveling on a shoestring..

Ilse likes this

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Communication is such a tough one. Most people struggle with it. You write so well, absolutely drawing me into your life experience. Each person have their own way of communication. Your sense of awareness is so overwhelming. Can't you write for magazines or news papers perhaps? You definitely have the ability to write.

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@noonelikesaknowitall I'm sorry to hear of your past relationship with your father I know what it's like to have a father who isn't really a father. I am glad you found a way to overcome your hardships. I do believe in god, yes. I do not visit church very often and nor can I say I have been faithful to my religion. Church to me seems to be about money since the last three I have visited have only talked about what the bible say's about giving and it's modern translation into today's church. What is twenty percent of nothing anyway?

 

@ tigerLily I get all too well what you are saying. I normally don't go long without a job and it hasn't yet been two week since I was " let go" from last one. I don't take them for granted , even if I don't particularly like them. And you are right I don't want to feel like I have to kill myself.  I also didn't say when I planned to do such an act, it is because I have loose ends to tie up if that is the final decision I make. Other than though If I deem that this is what i want to do I will simply do it. 

 

@ Aoelion mode, as stated above I normally do not go long without a job. It just isn't lasting long enough nor making enough so far. after a while it get's old seeing the same pattern keep emerging. I do a good job at anything i do I try my best. Getting along with people is something I try even harder to do for the sake of the job, if nothing more. But how long should I keep trying only to let myself down over and over?

 

 

@Aisha you might have a suggestion there I'm willing to try. If you all seem to think I'm good at this then it may be something. I never really thought about any type of career involving skills in writing. However if that is something I could do well and make an honest living doing then I could find my stability in doing that without much hassle as I see writing seems to come naturally. Thanks,  I think i'll give a go at this. 

 

Something to look forward to , something other than the same old mess.  What I really want is to be comfortable with life and what I'm doing in it. it's not easy finding happiness. I believe I'll go on just a little longer anyway and see what I can make of this mess that has become my life. That's not to say my next failure won't drive me back down this path but who knows maybe I'll have found the start of an answer to this dilemma. Thanks for your responses and mostly for not criticizing me. The world and it's people can be cruel sometimes.

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Hi Thebigba, if it is at all possible and you find you can do it, please keep in touch. Even if is to share some of your writings. Really hope and trust everything will work out well for you. Friend us, send a private message or make a topic, we are all here - on and off as time permits. Much love.

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Good to know you have faith, and the same as me that is a variable quantity!

 

Try looking around for a church that gives you something. For me that would mean a strong message that can nourish me. sustain my hope and give me something to think about for the week. I am not much of a social person so I struggle in the classic church environment but since I sobered up myself (not sure if I mentioned I am a recovering AA) I have found myself more and more fascinated with the bigger questions of life.

 

That said you have the short term to think of. Certainly I think a church that is filling you spiritually is a good place to network. I employ a member of staff who other people would not touch if they new what a mess he had been in the past. Also a recovering drug addict who I can only assume has been a bit naughty in her life. Find that church, now is a good as time as any, it is when we are most empty of ourselves that God can fill us up. If we are already brimming with self then how can he do it?! 

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I'll keep in touch as  things progress. 

 

Yeah  noonelikesaknowitall, i know what you mean, a persons past shouldn't have to be their  life sentence. About church I just haven't seemed to find the right one yet but I'll continue looking as long as i'm still here.

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I'll keep in touch as  things progress. 

 

Yeah  noonelikesaknowitall, i know what you mean, a persons past shouldn't have to be their  life sentence. About church I just haven't seemed to find the right one yet but I'll continue looking as long as i'm still here.

Great news, I look forward to the update, and thanks for friending me :)

 

Good luck and well done for being so open and honest!

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Dear Thebigba,

 

Question: Have you ever been to college? I ask sincerely. I agree with others, you sound quite intelligent. If you have not, consider going - it would be a waste of your talents not to. I'm not saying you need to rack up student debt either. You could, even with a record, potentially get a lot of financial aid. I personally have been very blessed and have gotten enough aid to cover every bit of my community college costs. Not trying to brag, just letting you know it can happen (and that isn't counting scholarships)

 

What do you want to do? What sort of job would you enjoy?

 

Perhaps you aren't ready for that yet, only you know, but I must say you scream of talent. It's hard to find an honest, hard worker these days.

 

I can understand not knowing where to go to church. I have been driven from one and have turned down others, simply because they didn't feel right. I consider myself a non-denominational Christian, and pray to God in the privacy of my mind, even though I would love to share my love for Him. I'm just scared I'll frighten someone away from God if I'm too "preachy". I have seen others turned off so often by that from others...

 

By the way, I hope you don't find this rude or anything, but dang your pic is cute!

 

...*ahem*

 

Anyway, there is always a way to find government assistance (even if that sounds distateful) so I would highly recommend looking into getting unemloyment, looking into disability possibilities, programs designed to get you back on track, things like that. I'd be glad to help if you'd like. Did you say you are currently in KY? I can't sleep and will start looking things up. If you are opposed, tell me, but remember this: Sometimes these programs get more benefits the more people join, so you may be getting the help you deserve while helping a good program. Just a thought.

 

Well wishes, and hoping you find what you need :)

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Life is whatever you make of it. Yes you need money but no matter how much you have it will never be able to buy another life with it. You have to make do with what you have and make the best out of it. Sure it's not as much as you would like which is why you have to enjoy the little bit you do have as much as you can. If you wake up feeling bad expecting things to be bad then you're going to get a bad day, if you wake up wanting things to be good then do the best you can throughout the day and it will come back to you. You may not be in charge of what happens to yourself in life but you are in complete control of how you handle what happens. If you look at the positive parts of your day and focus on doing the right things then eventually the events surrounding your life will tilt toward a more positive position.

 

Want a little advice on changing your life for the better, help people. Even if it's advice if you put out something positive if you put enough of it out there it starts to build up and things will become better.

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Dear Thebigba,

 

Question: Have you ever been to college? I ask sincerely. I agree with others, you sound quite intelligent. If you have not, consider going - it would be a waste of your talents not to. I'm not saying you need to rack up student debt either. You could, even with a record, potentially get a lot of financial aid. I personally have been very blessed and have gotten enough aid to cover every bit of my community college costs. Not trying to brag, just letting you know it can happen (and that isn't counting scholarships)

 

What do you want to do? What sort of job would you enjoy?

 

Perhaps you aren't ready for that yet, only you know, but I must say you scream of talent. It's hard to find an honest, hard worker these days.

 

I can understand not knowing where to go to church. I have been driven from one and have turned down others, simply because they didn't feel right. I consider myself a non-denominational Christian, and pray to God in the privacy of my mind, even though I would love to share my love for Him. I'm just scared I'll frighten someone away from God if I'm too "preachy". I have seen others turned off so often by that from others...

 

By the way, I hope you don't find this rude or anything, but dang your pic is cute!

 

...*ahem*

 

Anyway, there is always a way to find government assistance (even if that sounds distateful) so I would highly recommend looking into getting unemloyment, looking into disability possibilities, programs designed to get you back on track, things like that. I'd be glad to help if you'd like. Did you say you are currently in KY? I can't sleep and will start looking things up. If you are opposed, tell me, but remember this: Sometimes these programs get more benefits the more people join, so you may be getting the help you deserve while helping a good program. Just a thought.

 

Well wishes, and hoping you find what you need :)

 

.

Hi ferret, Yes I have considered gong to college already, I have been through trade schools and have even tried an online college. There was a large lack of interaction with class mates and professors so that didn't work out well for me and i ended up just owing the loan for it. Perhaps some day I'll try again.

 

I don't want to be the one who sits around and gets government aid. If I absolutely have to I would go that route. Sure if I could get enough student aid I would love to learn more.

 

oh and thanks for the compliment , I appreciate it.

 

@ Space weaver 

 

tis good advice you speak. I'm sure I haven't been putting out enough positive energy If i could start thinking more positively I would consider that a miracle by now. Yeah helping people would be a good thing to do, lately though I haven't been well... creative in the ways I might be able to do that. I can try. Thanks for your responses

FerociousFerret likes this

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