Thebigba

My so called life

79 posts in this topic

Ah, online schools. 2 things: 1, I'm told by my transfer advisor that certain well-known ones are mainly scams. 2, I have taken an online course ONCE. It was easier than I thought it would be, but I would never do another one. I got an A only because one test (whatever the lowest scored test is, or a missed test) was dropped. Long story short I missed a test. That was an "easy" class that I kinda feel mad about, like it was pointless because I walked away with the book and almost no new knowledge. Other courses that require more than "read the chapter, take the test" online are undoubtedly harder. I recommend starting at a community college (at the very least for the basics, English and Math) to save money and get used to the college atmosphere.

 

Don't think of it as sitting around - there is aid for a reason. I hold a high GPA and wouldn't be able to even get to college if I couldn't get a "free ride." If you work hard, even if you get a C average, at least you are trying. By the way, I am not that smart despite my GPA. I couldn't tell you what a molecule was, just that it makes me think of an atom (whatever that is...) and then I'm just confused. I am determined though, and have learned a lot on the spot after getting my GED.

 

You can do it, there is no stopping you if you really want it.

 

That applies to everything. You just gotta find that thing you do, and do it well. Fight for what you need. Accept the gifts that are given you - you can pay them forward.

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Ah, online schools. 2 things: 1, I'm told by my transfer advisor that certain well-known ones are mainly scams. 2, I have taken an online course ONCE. It was easier than I thought it would be, but I would never do another one. I got an A only because one test (whatever the lowest scored test is, or a missed test) was dropped. Long story short I missed a test. That was an "easy" class that I kinda feel mad about, like it was pointless because I walked away with the book and almost no new knowledge. Other courses that require more than "read the chapter, take the test" online are undoubtedly harder. I recommend starting at a community college (at the very least for the basics, English and Math) to save money and get used to the college atmosphere.

 

Don't think of it as sitting around - there is aid for a reason. I hold a high GPA and wouldn't be able to even get to college if I couldn't get a "free ride." If you work hard, even if you get a C average, at least you are trying. By the way, I am not that smart despite my GPA. I couldn't tell you what a molecule was, just that it makes me think of an atom (whatever that is...) and then I'm just confused. I am determined though, and have learned a lot on the spot after getting my GED.

 

You can do it, there is no stopping you if you really want it.

 

That applies to everything. You just gotta find that thing you do, and do it well. Fight for what you need. Accept the gifts that are given you - you can pay them forward.

I'm currently. after making a pot of coffee, searching local community college's and browsing the programs of study. Mainly my area's of interest involve computer science ie programming networking and such, Ultimately I would love to make my own useful programs or maybe get into computer graphics for movies and or games. I have some small experience already from self education messing with visual basic  and c++ though my experience is nothing to brag about I have also played with a program called Blender and find I can do well with basic art. Since Writing seems to come natural to me I may also pursue something related to that on the side or for some cash given I can locate people willing to pay for such things. I see there are options I hadn't really thought about before.

 

And about the online school yeah I completely understand, I was doing school online with Kaplan University Online. Let me tell you I felt the work to be too easy , within the first month I received a letter saying I had made the dean's list. To me this made the program feel so fake. What would I have done to make the dean's list ? it just felt unreal and too easy not to mention the total lack of interaction, study group and  such. If I'm going to college I want to go to a physical building , sit in a physical class, and meet the people I'm learning with. 

 

Anyway yeah , I can try these things and I hope that something works out, finally. I mean it has been long enough I think something should now start to go right.

 

I think no matter your GPA, What makes a person smart is their ability and capacity to learn. It makes no difference if you know one thing but are unable to learn another.Well that's how i see it. So you are probably smarter than you are giving yourself credit for.

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Aww you are so nice <3 Come to New England and meet me sometime eh?

 

The funny thing is, I'm taking computer information systems - I too want to be a programmer. I've learned VB and some basic JAVA, some HTML. I'm actually supposed to be tutoring in VB and Microsoft Access, but alas, life happened so I'm taking a break.

 

I have wanted to learn blender for some time, but never took the time to do it. I want to be able to make models I can use to ensure my characters that I draw make sense all around. Alas, I couldn't get past adding a sphere.

 

See? You can do it! Make sure to get to know your advisor (preferably one you can switch if you don't like them. Depending on your college and program within it, this will hopefully be possible) and your professors. At a community college they are more likely to give a care, so savor it and do your best. Ask questions (over e-mail or in person) and NEVER think you are too old. One of my friends is in her 50s, and there is at least one student in his 80s at my college.

 

Way to go! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help out!

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I'm too damn depressed now to care. I'm going homeless again, thank god. Lord knows I try but I just can't live with people. They are kicking me out, would have been tonight if I hadn't got the law involved. I'm expecting my income tax check and they think now is a good time to kick me out right before I get it. I'm staying right here till it comes. I tried to be nice and tell them I would leave when it comes but nope they don't care just put me right out, maybe they think they can steal it. I wouldn't mind seeing them go to prison for trying. 

 

In any case , I get migraines and am not in the best mental health, however clever or articulate i may seem words can't express the stale stare I constantly have on my face or the anger that shows in my eyes at this cruel world. Nope, only seeing me face to face could show that, I don't converse with people, I have ruined relationship one after another with various family member including my mother and father. In fact the only family I have that seem to care to talk to me is my brother and half sister.  This life is one big mess and right now I don't have the energy to care how it ends.

 

I'm so angry, I always am, I hide it, I don't gloat it or even try to show it. How can i not be, I have made a mess of my life and I let people walk all over me. I fear one day someone is gonna get hurt. Whether or not they deserve it. I've never been the abusive type but I have been in a lot of fights with men. One of these men that cross my path soon is going to get very severely hurt.

 

I have a problem with anxiety it seems, when being confronted  with hostile remarks or actions, my heart starts beating so fast for so long I think it may kill me. My palms sweat, I'm pretty sure I start turning pale. But if I fought back all that goes away.I hold back far too often for my own good simply because the world today thinks that you can talk yourself out of every situation and treats an ordinary fight as a corrupt drug ring. My nature in itself is to fight back and denying myself that seems to make me ill.

 

I'm not saying I'm going to go off myself, and I'm not looking for any handouts, lord knows I need to be alone for the sake of myself and others.I tire of hearing constant arguing , screaming, yelling, cussing.no one deserves to have to take this from anyone for exhausting periods of time. I barely ever raise my voice let alone yell at someone unless they really need to hear my angry voice.I'll survive I'm sure the problem is I don't care anymore, What if I'm sleeping in my tent in the woods and some random hunter misses his target and hits me ... Oh well. I don't know what much help there is for me, talking about this doesn't make the headaches go away, it doesn't make me feel anything. I do appreciate all of what you all have tried to say and the help/advice you offer. 

 

I'm a lost cause.

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I'm too damn depressed now to care. I'm going homeless again, thank god. Lord knows I try but I just can't live with people. They are kicking me out, would have been tonight if I hadn't got the law involved. I'm expecting my income tax check and they think now is a good time to kick me out right before I get it. I'm staying right here till it comes. I tried to be nice and tell them I would leave when it comes but nope they don't care just put me right out, maybe they think they can steal it. I wouldn't mind seeing them go to prison for trying. 

 

I want to deal with bit by bit, firstly because it makes it easier to respond too (hit the quote button) and secondly I am at work and will need to come back to it bit by bit

 

I do not know the exact circumstances but I guess you can not have been too unreasonable (so far!) else the law would have arrested you and removed you from the property. You have rights and this may be a learning curve for the people who own the property. 

 

Being homeless should put you to the top of the emergency housing list. Hopefully it won't come to that but if it does then make sure you get down to the Citizens advice bureau as well as your local council housing department. 

 

You say 'I can't live with people' could you expand on that a bit please, what went wrong?

 

You say 'maybe they think they can steal it'

 

Now whilst I can sympathize whole heartily from the information that you have provided, this kind of thinking is destructive. Now they may have done stuff in the past that warrants you thinking this however if they have not then all that you do is feel anger towards them for something potentially they have no intention what so ever in doing. Thus your attitude grows harder towards them. I want to say I do this kind of thinking all the time (I have just gotten better at not buying into it but it is highly destructive in my life if it goes unchallenged). I am not saying it to be mean nor saying that you are completely wrong. I just want to highlight the futility of this thinking. You have enough to be displeased about already. Adding this made up charge (until they have done it, then it is made up) just serves to wind you up. It is indulging your mind just a bit to far so as it becomes unbeneficial to you.  

 

So for example if I were to say to you,  I think my wife is cheating on me so I am going to leave, I would hope that you would point out to me that unless I know she is i.e. have information from a reliable source or have caught her in a lie or the act, that I could be ending my marriage for no good reason at all. So it would not be impossible that she was cheating on me, it would be that my mind has made up the charge, I am getting all moody about it and she may well have done nothing to deserve it.

 

Now this may be a bit of a lame example but worrying about my other halfs fidelity used to be a real issue for me. It caused me a lot of distress, just as your mind has invented this 'bogus' charge against them (I accept the argument they do not seem to have your best interests at heart, however it is still an over reach causing you distress) and it is in the little details that you will be able to undo some of the anger you experience and some of the hostility(?) you have that seems to affect your relationships with people (I try but I just can't live with people)

 

Now this whole comment is what they told me in the treatment center is 'risking' by that I mean, I have no idea what is going on for you. I throw some stuff out there in the hope it resonates with your soul and you know it to be true (or untrue thus eliminating an avenue of investigation), even if your first reaction may be indignation or anger. You are welcome to come back, correct any assumptions and put your case forward. It is the way that I learnt to expose my thinking to people and to hear some honest feedback because I did not know what was really my problem, it needed to be drawn out of me so I could see it. Forgive me if I am way off base, I do not say these things and the things to come to wind you up, I am trying to help (I promise)

 

AA has taught me that anger can take me on an 'emotional bender' and I need to learn how to deal with it. One of the early lessons I learned was how over indulging my mind could cause me un necessary distress. It was a hard lesson (for me) to learn though.

 

More to follow shortly...

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Your life actually sounds fun.

I used to live like you, moving around all the time, jumping from one dead end job to the next, then i met my partner and we moved in together and so i settled down, this is the longest i have ever stayed anywhere since i was a young child, and do you know what?

I miss my old life quite often.

When things suck now, i have to deal with it, whereas a few years ago i would of just moved on to pastures new.

Having things, possessions, and commitments just ties you down.

 

I am 2 years younger than you, and i still feel like i am too young for all this.

 

Don't give up on the life you have, you might not like it, but you have at least one person that's jealous of you and your life.

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In any case , I get migraines and am not in the best mental health, however clever or articulate i may seem words can't express the stale stare I constantly have on my face or the anger that shows in my eyes at this cruel world. Nope, only seeing me face to face could show that, I don't converse with people, I have ruined relationship one after another with various family member including my mother and father. In fact the only family I have that seem to care to talk to me is my brother and half sister.  This life is one big mess and right now I don't have the energy to care how it ends.

 

First up I want to say that I realize you may know some of the stuff I am saying, due to my variable mental health (depending on how much I am buying into the crap my head comes up with) I need reminding of stuff, I am going to assume it is the same for you :)

 

Most the people I know are not in the best mental health! You are not alone! There are plenty of things to worry about with the direction this world is moving in. I used to feel that I would never have children because there was so little hope of the world sorting itself out. I would not want to see them suffer for the mistakes (and deliberate evil) of others. What I realized though was that there would never be a time where it would be okay and in fact there has never been a time where it has been okay to have children (on the terms I would like). The only thing I can control is myself (!!! sometimes !!!) and the actions I take. Much of the actions I take are based on my thought process. It takes a while for my thoughts to change my actions (a bit like an ocean liner doing a 180) however it is the thought life that has been one of the major keys to unlocking the potential for contentment and happiness that is not subject to my life circumstances.

 

Now do not misunderstand me, I am no saint! What I have realized though is that my life circumstances can be great and I can be miserable and my life circumstances be bad and I be happy.or at least dealing with issues well. Life circumstances play a part in my outlook but are far from guaranteeing a positive state of mind. I have found the more I have then the more I have to loose and my mind is very capable of picking up on that worry (a little like bf above was eluding too)

 

It all sounds to fantastical that the thought life can be such a menace. The thing with it though is that the emotions it generates are very real. So that anger that I feel when my mind just makes up stuff can not be dealt with other than by the relaization that it is made up stuff and needs to be dismissed and maybe laughed off (like wow it never ceases to amaze me just how nuts I really am) because unlike real resentments (which I will cover shortly) there is nothing I can do about the made up stuff.

 

Also globalizing my worry does not help. By that I mean, I run a small business. Plenty of times I worry about the global economy and a disaster befalling my company. Does it get me anywhere? Is there anything I can do to prevent it? Of course not! But the feelings that generates can go on for days if not challenged. Often leading me into despair. (whilst ignoring stuff around me that I can do something about!) 

 

A time will come where you can make amends (set right what is wrong) with your mother and father that will not be dependent on them forgiving you but it will be a process of you tidying up past mistakes in order that you may live in the moment. That was my experience although the stuff from my past still haunts me, most of it has been dealt with. That said my mind, if it has nothing to torture me with from the present is very happy to dip into the past to drag something random up! Mental discipline is required for me to be 'well' 

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I'm so angry, I always am, I hide it, I don't gloat it or even try to show it. How can i not be, I have made a mess of my life and I let people walk all over me. I fear one day someone is gonna get hurt. Whether or not they deserve it. I've never been the abusive type but I have been in a lot of fights with men. One of these men that cross my path soon is going to get very severely hurt.

 

I have serious anger issues. I internalize so much of it. Even now after almost twelve years of being sober it is the single hardest emotion for me to deal with. I always want to justify and rationalize it, I am slow to confront and I have an idea of the person I want to be rather than accepting the living emotional being that I am.

 

Part of this is a deep wound from my childhood. I can not blame it all on that and I have learned how to deal with anger but of all the things that gets me climbing back inside my thought process this is one of the big offenders.

 

So I identify with you. About the only difference is the fights I have been in have been started by others for reasons other than me loosing it. Mostly because I am a weed and they see me as an easy target to make them look macho. It has been humiliating at times causing more anger that I have internalized but this is off the point.

 

So is there such a thing a justifiable anger? Is there such a thing as justifiable rage? First up for me was learning to differentiate anger and rage. That was a process in itself for me. I assume you are already at that level of properly identifying the difference (inside of you and there fore being able to verbalize) between anger and rage. To answer the question, there is not a simple answer, each and every example I need to look at my part in how things have gotten to that point and what I can or can not do about it.

 

I have been told that anger or resentment (replaying situations in my mind) are the single biggest reason people relapse. Such is the danger for me of not learning how to deal with this stuff properly. And yet I still try to dodge the bullet. I do not want to be the guy who breaks into a rage over fluff being left in the tumble dryer but I have been that guy because I had not been dealing well with the build up that got me to that point. So I am flying off in a rage over fluff in the tumble dryer, looking somewhat unreasonable and yet there were many many things that had lead up to that point. So my part in that was emotional dishonesty., a recurring problem for me. At AA they say 'to thine own self be true' it is a hard motto to live by but for me it is well worth it.

 

 So it is in my letting people walk over me that my issues stem from. This is the part that needs to change. One guy in the treatment center said to me (while I was still in full emotional denial) (after I had told him that he scares me) He said,' noonelikesaknowitall, you scare me, you are so angry inside that one day you are going to snap and kill someone.' I was shocked but I am (now) inclined to think he was right on the money.

 

So  how to change this. First off I had to recognize the small angers in my life. I did not even realize when someone had crossed me. This took some time but I presume you are at that stage. Part of my problem was I was so used to (it was absolutely instantaneous) squashing down and justifying and rationalizing my feelings that I was unaware of my anger. The other main part was I confused anger with rage. 

 

Anyway having recognized that some one had made me angry and perhaps I had reacted then I needed to asses my part in things accurately. I then go to them and own my part in things and talk about how their behavior made me feel. It is very effective and presents me with the truth of many a situation. It is important that I identify my part properly though or it can quicly lead to further confrontation. It takes some humility and courage but is the most effective way I have found to deal with my anger. Now not all friendships/relationships or acquaintances warrant this however many do if they are to be healthy and that would include people who I share a house with. Also it gives them an opportunity for them to be honest about their issues with me

 

With people I care about it is terrifying to do because I risk loosing it all but if I am not able to sustain our friendship as it is then I risk loosing it all anyway. With people I work with it is needed so I don't just turn up one morning and start shouting at them because of something small that happens that morning. . 

 

It all sounds so petty but it is a must for me if I am to stay sober and that includes sober of mind, not just body. It is a spiritual principle this is built on and part of the evidence that living spiritually works well. There is real wisdom in it.  I suggest that you lack sobriety of mind and can end up on emotional benders. Just risking there. 

 

That said being angry is a normal emotion, it is how I deal with it that makes the difference, not pretending that it did not happen. Just so we are clear! Festering anger is the real problem

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I want to continue but I feel you should respond before I do, for all I know I have trodden on your toes a bit already. I realize you may not be at your computer at the moment so I will wait to hear from you

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I moved fro florida to west virginia in hopes of starting my life a new. A new area, a job, perhaps some assistance. I moved in with my dad, he helped me in looking for a job, then after my first check he began  wanting money, which is understandable, however this job was part time and by the time i got my second paycheck which was a full two weeks of full time pay he wanted 80% of that check. I had no issues paying him for letting me stay there, but i had just spent 40% of that check in making sure i had gas to get to work as I was using a car borrowed from my sister. Well my sister came and got her car the next day after i just filled it up. My dad sid if i couldn't give him what he wanted that day then to get out. Well ok i couldnt give him what he wanted as i had already wasted it in paying for gas for the ride that got took away.   So he dropped me off at work and left me there with nothing, not my clothes not my stuff, nothing.

 

I still had a job but for  the first couple weeks all i had for clothes was my work uniform of which i only had one. I used what money i had left for living while i was sleeping behind dumpsters and spending my time at hotels using their internet to look for assistance. I bought a tent , a traveling bag with wheels and a few things of clothes. I worked at a restaurant so I had food i just ate there. in time i was starting to save and it looked like there was some hope. 

 

Then i got with a girl who worked at the restaurant, her psosition was rough or so she claimed, and she became a partner with me in my tent. I thought that two of us would be able to come up faster and that we could help each other out. Turns out this was a bad idea, she couldn't stay in the tent, i dont blame her, not many people can live in such a manner. but it cost us, she wanted to stay in a hotel, i agreed, for her sake. This cost too much and we only managed i for a few weeks. we stayed at a friends house next and it did not end well, he must have been hitting on her or something i couldn't know as she did not tell me anything except she wanted to leave. we tried the tent again, didn't work. we tried another one of her friends houses at which I paid them 500 dollars upfront for a room for a month and use of one of their vehicles. after two day they kicked us out and wouldn't repay any of the money. They bickered amongst themselves constantly, this man and his wie that we stayed with. his wife physically hit them, and they would constantly come in our bedroom,wake us up just to talk or to yell about each other and we could not get any sleep this way having both worked midnight shifts at the resturaunt.  I told them about how we needed sleep that we paid for the room and to respect our space. they kicked us out. well me, they were going to allow her to stay. she eventually left me and went back with her  ex. fine time too having put me in debt to suit her comfort needs, in any case it was my fault. then my job started giving me less hours, even though i had never missed a day and never been late in the 5 months i had worked there. I was bringing in customers and was getting tips and praises for how good i cook i was there. So when in the 6 month when they scheduled me only 12 hours that week and then cut me out of half my hours  the day i came in to work that week. i left and never went back.

 

I got on foodstamps, then I got another job where i was working my ass off, I was unloading boxes of food serives oods and spplies off of trucks then sorting and restacking them to be loaded on other trucks. I was working 13-16 hours a day and only bringing in about 300 a week. I id this for three weeks, living in my tent or a storage shed(until they realized i was there and kicked me out). Then i posted a picture on facebook about my living conditions while everyone else was complaining about the snow. i was living outside in it. 

 

This is when the people im currently with contacted me and ofered me a place. I was reluctant considering the recent past with roomate situations... I had a job and no matter how poorly it was paying me for my hard work i had a job. well doug,the guy who rents the house,talked me into it told me he had a extra room with a extra bed and he would help me get back and forth to work.

 

ok so i got here and after about 3 weeks i got a job driving train engineers and conductors to their trains. Doug would give me a ride to get my van and they told me i didnt owe them anything until i started getting good pay. well turns out the extra room doug had for me was his kids room, and i learned of this after his wife made some rude comments about me on facebook, because instead of confronting someone who helps you around the house, watches your kids plus works and pays you rent and gas money about things that bother you, it is better to go on facebook and make rude comments about them. Once i realized that this was their kids room they had emptied to let me stay, left that room so the kids could have it. I setup my tent in there garage, where i am now currently typing this. Doug stopped giving me rides to work and while i could occasionally find a ride from other employees. i had missed a few days because of this and i eventually got fired. I then posted on facebook in reply to that rude message about how it is hal dougs fault i didnt have a job any longer and that had they still been helping me id still been helping them. anyway they just read this a couple days ago and decided to kick me out. After dealing with him yelling at her, yelling at the kids cussing the kids calling them names a parent shouldnt be saying around their kids let alone to them . i didnt have a problem with getting kicked out, i was planning to leave anyway when i got my check. I told him well i cant leave tonight and you cant make me so when you get a court order telling me i have 30 days then when that 30 days is up thats when ill leave, unless you want to let me stay long enough to get my check. he said no, he didnt care. so i told him it wasnt up for debate call the law and see what they will do for you. previously i had heard him ad his wife talking and they mentioned the amount i was getting back from my taxes, an amount i had not previously enclosed to them. 

 

so you no why im angry , why my depression continues is because i am constantly being let down by those I trusted. and my faith in people is gone. either that or I have simply made very stupid decisions lately and put myself in bad positions over and over. both could be true and both keep  me angry and depressed.

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first of all bud.. u have to change the way you think and appoach things in life..if all you think about is failing going to fail..thinking about suceeding in life and u never know it juss might juss happen..im 27 and im bearly starting to understand how and what it reallt means to live life..ive lived a life harder then most can even really understand but through all the hardships ive had something always good happens weather it really small that we dont notice it or so big u cant miss it..If your having trouble walking the path in front of you  ask God to help u lead the way..I hope you believe in God because as hard as it may seem "llife" he can make it easy for you, you juss have to believe and accept him and he will give more than you can even ever imagine [food, a warm house for you and what ever else he has in store for you juss believe in him and pray]  I will keep u in my prayer brother God bless you!!

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I wonder how many vicodin would it take, for someone allergic to codeine , to end ones life. Normally I detest drugs and what they can do to people.  I have been prescribed various time, vicodin  or loratab, percocet, oxycodone, for pains of which I do not get the prescription filled. I deal with the pain without any medication. but at a young age, perhaps 12 , I was having surgery to have my tonsils removed. I am not sure what medication they gave however it was something with codeine I had a sever allergic reaction to it that threatened my life. I am unsure wether it raised my blood pressure very high or dropped it very low. I do know I was in the hospital a lot longer than i should have been while they were fighting to keep me alive during a simple tonsil surgery.  

 

Perhaps 6, which is the amount I have just taken won't be enough. In that case I will simply accept that if I have to do this then It will require more determination. If it is however enough then noone is around to help if the situation gets bad so i will have effectively done what I sought out to do. God forgive me either way. 

 

Edit: i guess it has no effect. I don't know what to do or where to go. The one person that cares about me wont let me kill myself, but i have nowhere to go, and im tired of living in this tent and working dead end jobs. I don't know anyone in this town besides the people whose garage im living in this tent right now, they wont let me in to shower or use the bathroom or to cook. sigh, no matter what you all say life ain't getting any better for me. im more that tired of trying.

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Life is getting better, a tent in a garage is better than sleeping behind a dumpster on the street.

The weather is getting better, so in a few months sleeping in a tent won't be too bad.

 

Aren't there any homeless shelters in your area you can go to?

How about soup kitchens so you can get some food in you?

 

Do you have couch surfing over there?

If you do, join the site, people will let you crash on their sofa, or spare bed for a few days, if you offer to do things for them, gardening, DIY, cleaning, dog walking etc, they might let you stay longer, and they don't charge you for it.

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Life is getting better, a tent in a garage is better than sleeping behind a dumpster on the street.

The weather is getting better, so in a few months sleeping in a tent won't be too bad.

 

Aren't there any homeless shelters in your area you can go to?

How about soup kitchens so you can get some food in you?

 

Do you have couch surfing over there?

If you do, join the site, people will let you crash on their sofa, or spare bed for a few days, if you offer to do things for them, gardening, DIY, cleaning, dog walking etc, they might let you stay longer, and they don't charge you for it.

see you view this as better, I do not.  like i said before , im tired of people, i wouldnt want to live with anyone else after the things thats been happening with them so far.

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Thanks for sharing bigba.

 

Some tough breaks for sure. I can see why you are exhausted and demoralize by all this (to put it gently).

 

So priority number one would be to get accommodation and job. With any level of skill at catering you should be able to get a 'live in' job at a medium to large hotel. That way you do not need to depend on others for lifts to work and you have a roof over your head and so long as you are performing at your job, no one will take away from you.  Certainly this is true for the UK and I hope it is so in America  It would solve two problems in one, and I would say to list your home address as your sisters at the interview (provided she agrees to this) so that it gives you the air of having some solidity in your life. 

 

All other considerations must be put to one side, This is the fastest way of getting a roof and income that I can think of and I have never known there not to be jobs of some sort available in the uk, I hope it is the same out there? Have you tried this?

 

Stay off facebook. seriously I do not go on there, it is one of the worst avenues for communication I know of. So many people I know have gotten into some sort of trouble over that stupid site. 

 

If you keep putting the effort in then things will come good. The lessons learned will not be lost on you. Any thoughts of emotional entanglement should be left to one side. And that includes family and friends for now. Keep it nice and simple, If it is not a straight forward relationship (I call all my friendships and family stuff relationships btw it case that sounds weird) then stay away from it!! There will be a time for that kind of stuff. just not now (would be my advise) 

 

Part of the reason I have gotten better at work is because there are very set parameters at play. You turn up do your job to the best of your ability, you look after your responsibility and the interests of the company you work for and then it does not matter if people 'like' you. Of course it is nice if they do but as a boss so long as someone is not antagonizing people and they are making it their business to help my business they are very very secure in their employment. There are too few people that are like that, you can make yourself of value. 

 

From there you look for a better paid job and you know how it all goes. 

 

I am not going to go on, let me know if you have tried that route (hotel or bar work) and if they do the live in thing in America and what you think of it as an idea.

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Thanks for sharing bigba.

 

Some tough breaks for sure. I can see why you are exhausted and demoralize by all this (to put it gently).

 

So priority number one would be to get accommodation and job. With any level of skill at catering you should be able to get a 'live in' job at a medium to large hotel. That way you do not need to depend on others for lifts to work and you have a roof over your head and so long as you are performing at your job, no one will take away from you.  Certainly this is true for the UK and I hope it is so in America  It would solve two problems in one, and I would say to list your home address as your sisters at the interview (provided she agrees to this) so that it gives you the air of having some solidity in your life. 

 

All other considerations must be put to one side, This is the fastest way of getting a roof and income that I can think of and I have never known there not to be jobs of some sort available in the uk, I hope it is the same out there? Have you tried this?

 

Stay off facebook. seriously I do not go on there, it is one of the worst avenues for communication I know of. So many people I know have gotten into some sort of trouble over that stupid site. 

 

If you keep putting the effort in then things will come good. The lessons learned will not be lost on you. Any thoughts of emotional entanglement should be left to one side. And that includes family and friends for now. Keep it nice and simple, If it is not a straight forward relationship (I call all my friendships and family stuff relationships btw it case that sounds weird) then stay away from it!! There will be a time for that kind of stuff. just not now (would be my advise) 

 

Part of the reason I have gotten better at work is because there are very set parameters at play. You turn up do your job to the best of your ability, you look after your responsibility and the interests of the company you work for and then it does not matter if people 'like' you. Of course it is nice if they do but as a boss so long as someone is not antagonizing people and they are making it their business to help my business they are very very secure in their employment. There are too few people that are like that, you can make yourself of value. 

 

From there you look for a better paid job and you know how it all goes. 

 

I am not going to go on, let me know if you have tried that route (hotel or bar work) and if they do the live in thing in America and what you think of it as an idea.

Well you see i wouldn't have an issue with that kind of job and while there may be some places that  would allow that type of live in situation, they normally aren't looking for convicted felons. the states aren't forgiving when it comes to your past.

 

The closest thing that i found so far was a job working maintenance at a cheap lousy hotel which offered to pay 100 a week for a room to stay in. the problem there is they expect you to work full time leaving the chance at a second better paying job to be more taxing. in anycase they don't have positions available , i would have atleast tried that route even if it didnt work out.

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Well I do not know what to say. Certainly there are house shares i.e. where there is a landlord who splits the house into single rooms and you share the facilities, that may be out of your reach financially right now but certainly should the chance crop up then it has to be better than sharing with the owner of the house. 

 

What is the social security like out there? I know in the UK that there are some landlords that will take you on if you can provide a deposit (from your cheque for back taxes?) whilst you apply for the housing benefit. You would want a contract obviously. The landlords are happy to do this because the state will pay the rent.

 

Do they do that out in the states?

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i just applied for disability here today, reluctantly. I don't want to have to take this route but options are slim and it may be the only way to get help i need. since keeping a job ad getting along with people have been problems due to my depression. I will see how this goes.

 

also i have been trying and getting turned down for multiple apartments due to credit or lack of previous landlords to confirm i would be a good resident. I only ever had my own place once in life and i kept u with the payments but ive lived in many places with one relative or another and it all shows up on a bakground check they want all this information from previous landlords which like i said were family members some who wouldnt give reliable information. 

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Oh my word... I'm so sorry. Ok. If your state is anything like mine, disability will be hard to get (my mom had trouble getting it, and she has sever fibromyalgia) but don't give up hope! Please don't. The world can be a good place, but I don't know how to explain why I think so. Alrighty! Here's a possible plan:

 

  • Apply for disability
  • Apply for Welfare
  • Seek out extra programs for assistance

I think part of the problem may be that some people just plain stink. Life is not being fair to you. So let's even things out, eh? Are you still in KY?

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Oh my word... I'm so sorry. Ok. If your state is anything like mine, disability will be hard to get (my mom had trouble getting it, and she has sever fibromyalgia) but don't give up hope! Please don't. The world can be a good place, but I don't know how to explain why I think so. Alrighty! Here's a possible plan:

 

  • Apply for disability
  • Apply for Welfare
  • Seek out extra programs for assistance

I think part of the problem may be that some people just plain stink. Life is not being fair to you. So let's even things out, eh? Are you still in KY?

 yep still in kentucky at the moment. i already receive foodstamps.

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Wow I feel like an idiot. I forgot to touch on food banks. If you get food stamps (you still do, right?) then you may be able to get food from a food bank. Sometimes the food expires before it gets to you, but most of the time it's good and you can pick and choose what you take anyway.

 

Also, I've been looking up programs for Kentucky, most of them are for the disabled, which is ridiculous because non-disabled people often need assistance too. If you get disability it should open up new doors for you, but in the meantime I'm gonna keep looking for low-income assistance there.

 

Also, just found some free and low cost clinics. This site lists them: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/kentucky_free_health_care_clin.html

 

I really think the above site is thorough. Here is its more general listing: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/kentucky_assistance_programs.html

 

You can do this! We're cheering you on :)

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Wow I feel like an idiot. I forgot to touch on food banks. If you get food stamps (you still do, right?) then you may be able to get food from a food bank. Sometimes the food expires before it gets to you, but most of the time it's good and you can pick and choose what you take anyway.

 

Also, I've been looking up programs for Kentucky, most of them are for the disabled, which is ridiculous because non-disabled people often need assistance too. If you get disability it should open up new doors for you, but in the meantime I'm gonna keep looking for low-income assistance there.

 

Also, just found some free and low cost clinics. This site lists them: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/kentucky_free_health_care_clin.html

 

I really think the above site is thorough. Here is its more general listing: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/kentucky_assistance_programs.html

 

You can do this! We're cheering you on :)

thanks but i have already extensively done searching, at the current time I will wait and see what help may come of my application and well they almost always turn a person down the first time but you have to keep fighting it.

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thanks but i have already extensively done searching, at the current time I will wait and see what help may come of my application and well they almost always turn a person down the first time but you have to keep fighting it.

 

You are absolutely right. My mom did get assistance after a while, and it has helped her immensely. I couldn't find any welfare programs for your state though. Odd. Anyhoo, I do hope you get it. Will you be able to wait things out safely until they give you an answer?

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You are absolutely right. My mom did get assistance after a while, and it has helped her immensely. I couldn't find any welfare programs for your state though. Odd. Anyhoo, I do hope you get it. Will you be able to wait things out safely until they give you an answer?

 

i couldn't truthfully answer that.

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In that case, please keep us updated as often as you can. Good or bad. I don't know what it is, but you've caught my attention. You are capable of great things, and you have something that is important: willpower. Don't lose it, or if you ever do, find it again!

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