Guest Alice

I'm scared of how much I love my brother

27 posts in this topic

My brother has always been there for me in everything. My father left so he took care of me and my mom for as long as i can remember. He is my superhero. I love him with all my heart. But I feel like my mind is going crazy. I've been having these confusing and scary dreams about doing things with my brother. And when I'm awake I can't help but think about it.

I didn't know what to do. So I told my brother. He kissed me on the lips and said he loved me. Then told me to go to bed. I've been so embarrassed to be around him now. I'm scared I hurt things. I'm so confused.

What should I do?

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Loving your Brother is perfectly natural reaction.

You see him as the Father figure you so desperately need. He shouldnt be kissing you on the lips though.That is not right.

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Yeah, you really shouldn't let him kiss you... Its OK to love your brother. Right now he is your everything. Just understand that he is your brother. And that's it. Hope that helps!

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Hi Alice, and welcome to HelpToGo.com.

 

I'm guessing that when you say "confusing and scary dreams about doing things with my brother." you are meaning sexual thoughts. (correct me if I'm wrong)

 

Why do you think that you are having these thoughts?

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Yes, dreams like that. I don't know why they started. Its stuff like I had seen on a video once.

I tried to talk to him again yesterday about it. He told me its ok and did the same thing. He kissed me a little longer though. I feel like I get butterflies from him. Like its not my brother just a boy.

I know that is wrong though. But it doesn't feel wrong. I'm scared I'm sick in the head. I don't want him to get in trouble because of me.

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Alice given your situation it is normal for you to be having these feelings. He has been the person who got you through hard times, and you are close to him. 

And he is likely having similar feelings because he likely hasn't had the chance to be with girls his own age, go on dates and such. 

 

Just because the feelings are normal doesn't mean that they are good things to act on. Especially in your brothers case. 

 

In a normal situation when siblings grow up together they have a reverse imprinting happen. That means that they don't see their sibling as a sexual partner. When things happen so that reverse imprinting doesn't happen, the siblings will find the attraction to each other. 

 

You are young and your hormones are starting to change (causing you to think like this) As you get older the thoughts will go away, but it will take time (maybe as long as a few years).

 

Your brother's hormones are raging right now. Because he doesn't have the normal ways to deal with this he is turning to who he has at hand. That is why he is willing to kiss you the way he is. 

 

All that aside though. It is not right for your brother to be making advances at you. Even if you were not his sister, you are 7 years younger than he is. In another year (if not already) he could be arrested for sexual assault/abuse of a minor. 

 

I completely understand that you don't want anything to happen to your brother. But the only way to make sure that nothing happens to him, is to make sure that nothing happens between yous. 

Don't let him kiss you on the lips. If he tries turn your head, and ask him not to. If he tries to touch you , or get you to touch him inappropriately say no and walk away. 

 

You need to set the boundaries to make sure that you are both safe. 

 

And remember we are here to help and support you. :)

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I like it though. I feel so close and safe with him. He promised he would never hurt me.

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You like it because, like you said, you are confused... I'm sure your brother is too. You have to set boundaries. Padre is right. Its ok that you feel the way you feel. Just know that it can only be the way you FEEL. You shouldn't act on those feelings.

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I don't want it to stop. But I know its not ok to do. So what do I do now? Do I talk to him again? Or do I have to stay away from him?

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Though I'm going to sound old fashioned here :) 

 

At your age, you should be worrying about having fun with your friends and focusing on school.... not on boys (brother or otherwise) :)

 

And you like the way it feels, because kissing, hugging and such release endorphins in your brain. Endorphins are the 'feel good' chemicals. 

Generally speaking it doesn't matter who you get a hug/kiss from it is going to feel good for the same reason. 

 

So should you stay away from him.... No. He is in your life and the one taking care of you; so staying away from him is impractical. 

You just need to set the boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn't. 

 

An occasional kiss on the cheek = okay

kiss on the mouth = not okay

 

A short hug = okay

A long/overly affectionate hug = not okay

 

any other touching = not okay

 

So yes you should talk to him again. And tell him the boundaries. What is acceptable and what isn't. Then stick to it. :)

If you would like you could even invite him here so that he could be a part of the conversation with us as well. 

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Ok. My brother gets off at 8. So I'll try to talk to him then. I just feel like I want to cry. Why did I do this? I hate this.

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It's sometimes too easy to act on feelings, but that's why we try to do the right thing based on our own judgement. But our hormones interfere which can mislead us, as Padre said. He has explained it all well and I would take his advice on this.

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Hi Alice. if you seriously are a young girl.. well then thank you for coming to help.Your brother is taking advantage of you. What he is doing is very very wrong and it cold really hurt you.. You should really ask an adult about this and see what they say. An adlt other than your brother, like a teacher.

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You guys are willing to risk breaking someone's confidence to come here...? If its a troll then who cares if they get attention... If it is true you are not making this a place she can come for HELP... She can't go to family... I get trolls are annoying as hell but you aren't there...

Just a thought..

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My main issue is that it is an 11 year old having inappropriate dreams. Most 11 year olds don't think that way. And ones that do are most likely abused...

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Maybe she was. She has no sense of boundaries.. Whether that or troll I just think you should think for a moment it could be real. You think its a troll then don't reply. How would you feel if you poured your heart out just to be called a liar? An adult would probably just brush it off. But how do you think a 10 or 11 year old would take it? All I'm saying is this site is here to HELP not tear down and possibly break what ever trust or hope someone had in reaching out. That's why I came to the original Help and why I'm here now. This site saved my life. I was terrified to open up but you all accepted me with open arms. What happened?

Alice I'm sorry. Please don't stay away. You are always welcome. I'd truley love to hear an update on the situation.

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I must admit I'm having serious doubts about this post.Im glad i'm not on my own.

If there is any truth in this post then I apologise.

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