Savanna

I asked somone I don't know to hang out and now I'm freaking out a bit.

15 posts in this topic

I'm also very stoned. but I was having this issue before that. I wrote a lot of nonsense and read through and found the actual important stuff..

 

I don't trust people. Caring absolutely terrifies me. Not talking, I can manage that. Not even meeting new people. I'm so blunt and bold.. my issue isnt being shy. I'm not even antisocial. I can do it if I try, I even like group activities, I have discovered. But.. caring terrifies me. Every lesson I have learned is how painful caring can be. yeah.. not just love. Family, friends, people. Life even. Caring fucking sucks when you're the person that just got the shit beat out of you.. I didn't care for the longest time.. I shut everything out. I'm trying so hard to undue this. Im meeting people. I'm reaching out. I'm being honest and straightforward. I dance in the rain. I am trying to make a genuine connection with human beings.

 

So heres the problem.. I met a guy. Ive talked to him for 10 min at the end of the day for about a week now at school. I was actually very hesitant about walking up and saying hello because.. well I knew I liked him and I really dont need pppydog lovesick btterflies crap. But I wanted to be his friend. So I walked up and basically introduced myself and said we should be friends and he should give me his number. haha... I don't do social tact it's really quite terrible.

Well Its spring break and I have been texting him. we have a lot in common. I like having conversations with this person. I'm intrigued to learn about them. And so there I was, reading though texts. Seeing this person as words and thoughts. An idea. An idea that I will be ffriendly and outgoing toward this guy I like and try..  And then I asked him if he would like to hang out. And he said yes. And I was sooo exited. He's cute and hes friendly and he could make a wonderful friend maybe. And I will be completely honest with this person and try to be trusting and not antisocial and yeah this might work out.. then.. I sat there and thought about it.

 

This is a person :( A person I have physically seen only occasionally and barely know at all. I dont even know if I could call him a friend. Hes Stoner Guy (I do know his name though

)that for whatever reason when I get excited about something going on I like to text. But in all actuality I don't know him.  One day I was just like "we should be friends" no reason behind it. And the next. after random text messages. We should hangout. ". Is anyone else seeing something wrong here? I don't usually do this!!  I was like oh yeah Imgonna be friendly and outgoing and im gonna be honest abot stuff and not be afriad to give a shit.. and I don't know him. I just out of the blue walked up to him.  And I would really like to be friends.. but I don't know what to make of him.

Hes just going about his life, doing stuff. And this girl who has been randomly messaging him on and off for the past week or so has said they should hang out. Id be rather confused. and looking from his point of view  as a boy I didnt do anything but go about my life, and here is this girl trying to have intellectual conversations with me, and trying to get to know me, and be nice when I dont really know her. But okay, thats cool. I'm not bothered.  then girl asks to hang out and he agrees. I wonder if its terrifying for the other side too..  trying to make friends with a stranger that seems nice.

 

But meeting up with somone for the irst time is how you get to know them. so thats not so unusual right? I don't usually hang out with people one one for the first time of meeting them. I do a group setting or activityyou get used to the person. This is me showing up at somones house like Hi I barely know you but we are gonna just hangout like friends and like we dont awkwardly look at the ground and get nervous talkng to eachother.

crap.. crap thats gonna be awkward.

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But we are both so awkward around each other. Neither of us know what to make of people. We have some things in common that  way.. but its not a bad Idea to push to be friends  with a complete stranger? Because I like talking with him a school, but I have a reaosn to be there. Im waiting for the buss. When I text him its about random stuff. Or I ask him things about himself his animals. I donno you can text and its not a big deal. But I am now meeting this person probably at his house and I have no excuse for it. I barely know him. Im investing effort and consideration into a stranger. I find that terrifyingly odd.

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Sure, its not so weird but Savannah i gotta say...I feel like you jump, both feet first, into an awful lot of strange situations. Try taking things a little slow once and a while. Also: weed doesn't help with social anxiety. Field tested and proven.

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Sure, its not so weird but Savannah i gotta say...I feel like you jump, both feet first, into an awful lot of strange situations. Try taking things a little slow once and a while. Also: weed doesn't help with social anxiety. Field tested and proven.

haha.. I do don't I? The only way I can explain that.. for the longest time I was absolutely stuck. I was stuckin an environment where I was depressed and secluded and the people around were terrible. And I probably could have chosen to try harder and meet good people but I decided to be not social and untrusting instead.

 

Now I am in a place where I'm finally mostly stable. I dont have issues with feeling depressed. I have the oppertunity to meet new people. to be trusting and give things a real try.. and my goal is to make a genuine connection with human beings. So Yeah I just jump in head first and hope for the best. Because its either going to go one way or the other.. dancing around it doesnt change anything. I'm completly straightforward.

 

But I'm also reckless because of this. and I do want to get to know this perosn.. but I just put myself in a position of which I have to care. so.. I cant just shrug it off. and this bothers me..

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I wasn't smoking for anxiety reasons. My brother was home and thats what tends to happen. I hate being high when I have to try to be social. I have 10000 things racing through my mind and I mess up sentences ocmpletly. I will not be high wilst talking to this new person.

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You remind me a lot of me. Christ, that makes me sound old and like I'm playing some strange role. I just get it. I've been social awkward, I've tried to rebound the opposite way in a very similar style as you. That is why I admire you just going up to people and saying hey and asking them to hang out. I trained myself to do that. But I think I'm swining back to the middle now because I got myself in a lot of crazy shenanigans. I dunno, you'll figure it all out for yourself. Just, relax, enjoy the ride, don't sweat all the little crap and don't feel the need to prove anything.

 

I'm rooting for yah.

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Recommend to lay off the weed--and stoner guys.

 

We all know what "stoner logic" means.    Something sounds logical and good when you are stoned--not so much when you are sober.

 

And weed can make you eat like Bill Clinton!

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It's great that you're reaching out, I don't have the courage to do that, but I admire people who do. Take the friendship slow, just see where it goes, don't stress over all the possibilities. If you run out of things to say you could suggest watching a movie to avoid more conversation. I always want to put something on the TV to distract people who want my company, because in real life, I don't enjoy talking all that much. I find it easier to talk to people when I've made it clear that I may seem awkward at times and that they can just ignore it, so I don't know if it would help to bring the topic up. Many friendships spring from randomness. I remember one guy sat down at my table in the library and started talking to me as though we were already really good friends, and I had only passed him in hallways prior to this. And after that, he sat with me everyday, and I enjoyed the company. He was a stoner guy, lol. 

 

Sometimes, taking the chance is worth it :)

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my stoner guy was just chilling in his group of friends, and there was actually a guy next to him I was desperately trying to get to know. The guy was uninterested though in being friends. I may have come on too strongly. I lack social tact I don't have the patience.  Well I had given up my attempt to get to know this guy and his group and decided to just keep to myself it was too difficult and awkward.. until one day I saw stoner guy just standing there alone. So I said hi and thought nothing of it. Hes adorable and a "cool" looking person, probably has a girlfriend and tons of street experience and it would have been rather intimidating had I been trying to make friends with him. But I was just trying to say hi to someone new. I asked him about his day and he gave me a profound remark about people and how no one really cares to make a connection with anyone so he's been tolerating idle conversation all day. And I didn't expect such an honest, thought out answer. And he actually is pretty kind. He smiles and dances to some music in his head when he thinks nobody is watching.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I have been caught up in all the nervousness and what ifs and freaking out over meeting him tomorrow actually.. I didn't really stop to think the reason why I asked to spend time with him.  I just.. I've been in horrible situations by doing this exact thing. And there could always be the possability that he doesnt care at all. And in making this step to spend time with him I have to admit to myself that I really am attracted to this guy.. being vulnerable is something I try to avoid at all costs.. But I guess its worth it to potentially have a genuine connection with this person. Its worth it to try.. I guess I will find out tomorrow. Unless he has something come up. We both seem to be avoiding talking to each other after we made plans. Maybe hes a little terrified too.. haha. Oh, what did I get myself into..

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 Some of my deepest friendships have been with the oddest people, and it often blossomed forth from innocuous conversation. Turns out we appreciated each others' brand of bullshit. Nothing forced and, initially not caring 'bout any future interaction.   

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Haha he blew me off! Ofcourse he did. Didn't even call to cancel. When I asked him why it was "I wasn't feeling well my phone was on airplain mode. " yep.. All that worrying for nothing. Cause I didn't even get the chance. And I really wanted to get to know him too. The worst part is I don't even know what I did. He was fine one minute the next avoiding me. I dont understand at all..

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You have attained a state of wisdom when you realize that other people's actions can be completely independent of anything you did or did not do!

emerge likes this

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