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*Em[[iLy]]*

how to mend a broken heart?

13 posts in this topic

I feel like I was born in the wrong era. People love differently now, I don't even know that I would call it love. I am 24 and have thought I found the one in my lifetime already, but he turned out to be nothing but a cheater. Men have come and gone out of my life and I am starting to believe I'm meant to be alone. It is such a sad feeling. No one loves me... Im not wanted in this life. Friends are getting engaged, having kids.. having careers... and I'm over here with my cat watching the new episode of arrow every week and working 40 hours a week because I don't know what I'm doing with life. I feel like thats where I lack life. I never had parents to teach me and build me up to the point of adulthood... Ive been on my own, getting bounced around from grandparents house and other family. Everyone looked at me as a child that needed sheltered from everything out in the world. Now with my grandparents being gone, I have no lead in life. I have no advice to be got.. Its just me out in this huge world and I don't know what I'm doing, honestly. I struggle to pay bills and rent. I am lost on what to do. I thought life would be together by now. I work hard, day in and day out. And I practice to be the best person I can be on a daily basis. Everyone in life has left me stranded and men keep doing the same thing... whats the point. Im lonely and sad behind closed doors but in the public eye, and friends i am the light. I always have a smile on and cheerful attitude. I get home exhausted, because its hard doing this everyday. What am I doing?

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Hang in there. Hobbies, volunteer for events and try to meet different people.  Everybody struggles, they just show it and reward them selves through a hobbie or a thing they enjoy.

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Putting on a painted smile does you no favours. Ive been there as im sure many others have to.

We all have this tendency to just "get on with it" when in reality we need to express how we truly feel.

Your family and friends need to know your inner self. Its time to be you.

I wish you lived closer so I could give you a big hug.

Things do get better love but only you can get that ball rolling.

Like Max said there are lots of ways to take control of your life. Start volunteering,take up a new hobby etc.

Get yourself a companion.:)

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No one ever has their shit together. We want to, but we dont. I used to be the same. But recently I just decided that I am who I am. I will do what I want to do. How I want to do it and when I want to do it. Im not dealing with others expectations and judgements. I am who I am. Deal with it. And I feel a million times better, feeling like the pressure is off. I think thats the biggest problem, people put themselves under so much pressure. Its unnecessary.

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I want to provide you with some pointers as your post is primarily about others letting you down or rather not meeting your expectations. I do hope you will find this helpful.

 

There came a major positive turning point in my life when I stopped looking 'outwards' for my inner well-being. 

It is very possible that life- through the various disappointments you faced- is trying to lead you to start looking inwards to find peace and happiness. I am convinced, life is a series of events (quite often harsh) that are carefully orchestrated to lead to our personal and spiritual growth.

 

Focusing inwards builds your inner understanding and personal confidence, and ultimately brings you freedom from relying on others as a source for your joy. It allows you to accept and allow the fact that everyone is fighting their own battle (which you will rarely get to know/understand fully). When you commit to understanding who you really are and decide to confront the self-defeating negative behaviors, you will then develop an inner strength that will enable you to manage and flow with whatever life brings your way. 

 

That self-exploration will also lead you to love and accept yourself unconditionally.  With that, you will find yourself easily offering unconditional love, appreciation and acceptance for others. That means you accept and respect others' choices regardless. No one can ever hurt you again.

 

Look inside with total honesty and openness. May be work through your thoughts by writing them. Ask yourself questions like: Have you been in denial about certain people and events? and why? Are you taking things personally (when really you shouldn't)?  Have you put unreasonable expectations on yourself and/or others? How can you love and honor yourself more? 

 

If you truly desire change, explore yourself, the answers to your well-being are inside you and nowhere else and with nobody else.

emerge likes this

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You already received all the advice you ever needed from your grandparents and others who looked after you.   Now it's time to put that advice to use.

 

There is nothing wrong with you except that you have been attracted to the wrong type of guy.   The bad boys look flashier and sexier, but as you have seen, they will leave you in a lurch.  

 

If you want to find a suitable life mate, you need to adjust your filters and screen out the type of guys you liked in the past.   The nerdier guys make the best life mates.   They may not titillate you as much as the bad boys, but they won't leave you in a lurch, and when you need them, they will be there.

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I am a 24 year old male, and know exactly what you mean, almost to a T. My last gf(if you can call it that) I discovered was cheating on me WITH ANOTHER GIRL(She swung both ways) within the very first week of us communicating. THAT hurt. I have a big heart, but I was so naive to people and trust that I have met my share of troubles, pain, and heartbreak. Honestly, i still have yet to even smootch a lady. I have applied the filter as explained above, and it DOES work, but you see the reality of the people around you, and options get slim. However, I'd rather have small options and less problems, than plenty of fish and nothing but trouble. I feel what you do though. You wonder why this is, it seems the same for me but gender swapped. In my time, I lost my share of people, friends that faded without reason, friends turned traitors over the most heinous topic regarding my friends death. Almost every lady I met who fits my age bracket see's me only as a shoulder to cry into about their bad-boy lovers leaving, cheating, former mystery men who slapped them around at one point, but suddenly vanish like a vapor as soon as the tears stop falling. Aside from that, I am "just too nice" to be a romantic partner, or I am "such a good friend". Apparently I have no edge and nobody cares for me because of it. BUT, I try to live life by the code I came from. I may not be the brightest in social clicks, I may be a tad awkward/nervous about messing up because I haven't HAD the chance to move forward, but I am honest, I am loyal, I know how to treat a lady, and to those who don't care for it, better off without them. You, me...we share almost parallel problems, same age, everything. We have to keep our chins up, it's all we can do until our time comes which I hope....does. I wish I could offer more advice aside from the filter, but we are both int he same rut. Just know I have your back 100%. We'll make it through this.

Hawklan likes this

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The world is so big. Maybe your heart would hurt less if you explored more? I don't think you can outrun a broken heart, but maybe you can outgrow it or outlive it or outlove it. I am in love, but I feel work and geography stuck sometimes and the little ways I try to get beyond my tired work related habits help me. I mostly go hiking, but it could be anything as long as it feels good to you. 

 

 

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You're right about one thing, people do love differently today than they did years ago, specifically due to technology. We communicate by phones and text rather than face to face anymore, which makes me sad but I guess every generation has their ways:/

 

Onto your post, don't fret. Everyone finds that special someone at different times, not everyone finds love in their 20s, some have to wait a little longer but if you're good and work hard, as you stated in your post, then good things come. You see, those who are good and live a virtuous life have to go through harder trials than other people, however, the rewards tend to be better if you're willing to wait. I know you're sick of waiting for that special guy to come into your life but if you're willing to wait and endure the pain of loneliness, then the person who will come into your life will be so much more than what you believed

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People are still posting in this even though it is almost a year old so I guess I will too.

Komodo Dragons do not usually mend broken hearts, the heart is devoured whole.  There is lots of proteins in the heart that make the Komodo Dragon strong.

If it somehow happened that a Komodo Dragon was bitten in the chest and had part of it ripped out so that that the heart was actually bitten, even if the Komodo could somehow heal this chest wound, and then also the heart wound, it would like become infected by the many poisonous bacteria in the the spit and fester so that everything else this heart touches would also become infected.  

So there is a Komodo Dragon saying, "the way to heal an infected dying heart is to eat it."  The great Komodo Dragon Raknul wrote a treatise on the topic, which I can discuss at length if you think it would help :)

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