Savanna

I'm having trouble connecting to people

8 posts in this topic

I have never been a people person. I've been a loner since I was little.. I was basically raised not to trust people. I get fucked over by people, or I feel out of place around people. I'm an introvert. So I really really truly hate small talk and wasting my breath. I really only like people that intrigue me.. those rare, genuine people you meet that just completely blow you off your feet.

 

I fell in love with one of those rare, extraordinary people. He was my friend, my love, my partner for almost two years. I shared my life with someone for the first time. The one thing I always asked was that, even if we didn't stay together, that we would always be good friends. Random people told me I had a friend for life whenever the saw him. He was never anything but kind towards me. Even in fights never one harsh word directed toward me. To skip to the end, things went bad. I ended up moving and some words were said that really hurt both of us. I haven't talked to him since. He doesn't want to reconcile. I lost my best friend.

 

And ever since that.. I haven't been able to care about people. When I moved I was determined to be a people person and meet new people. I put in all of my effort to make friendships and I did make a few.. I really cared about them. Things just fell apart. I lost my friends, I lost myself, I spiraled into a depression. And then I decided it was time to stop caring about people.

 

I ran to Florida. To figure things out. To take time to myself. I don't have the energy for people. Even those rare genuine ones.. I've just been numb to everyone that comes my way.. 

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Well you felt like that before him too. Love is nice, it does help a person see how they might personally be worth taking better care of in my experience, along with other good and better things, but you can get everything you need from your self. I'm sure you'll find other connection in the future, every positive kind hopefully, but you might find it helpful to first try to give the love you deserve to yourself. 

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Thats what this is. I'm here for myself. I've done pretty much everything on my own. I love the independence and everything I'm learning. But there's an empty feeling I can't shake.

 

I don't care about anything here. I guess thats where the struggle is. I'm learning and experiencing.. but it all just seems empty.

I guess its that whole "the loneliest feeling is being surrounded by the wrong people."

 

But I don't trust anyone.

And how can you know someone if you don't trust them?

 

I don't know. Somethings just off. I don't even have the energy for conversations.

Maybe its a depression thing and it will go away..

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Young women usually go into tailspins after a romantic breakup.   A lot of guys do, too.

 

My daughter, age 25, just dumped her 22-year-old boyfriend.   Why?   He was just not interested in settling down and getting married.   She did not have forever to wait for him to mature.   Still, she felt very bad about it.    Me?    I see it as a relationship that had run its course.

 

In your case and my daughter's case, it was a relationship that was not meant to be.   Your boyfriend was not ready for a family, and neither was my daughter's.   Truth be told, it is taking longer for young men to mature these days.   They stay at home longer, play "games" longer, and take longer to get serious about careers.  

 

My wife tells me that a woman's biological clock knocks her silly at least twice in her life--once, in her mid-20s, and later in her 40s--if she doesn't have a family already.

 

You want a life mate.   You want a family.   You know you have limited time to do it.   And the young men . . . they just seem to dawdle and dawdle.   They love intimacy with a young woman, but are unwilling to pay the price for intimacy in a life-mate kind of setting.   

 

It's OK to be "numb" now.   There is a lack of external stimuli.   When you start classes . . . well, you will be in an entirely new universe.

 

Trust me on this!

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Well you felt like that before him too. Love is nice, it does help a person see how they might personally be worth taking better care of in my experience, along with other good and better things, but you can get everything you need from your self. I'm sure you'll find other connection in the future, every positive kind hopefully, but you might find it helpful to first try to give the love you deserve to yourself. 

 

I just watched an interesting video about something like that, and by the end of it I was totally in the "heart space", which is where social relationship issues make more sense and change can happen. It's this:

 

emerge likes this

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I liked that a lot, I think people do reinforce their realities and fears about life like that, and that there are ways to just become too well to play into them anymore.

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I had similar ordeals, in which I cannot lie, I have felt cold and empty inside after it's destruction. Personally, i'd rather a friendship die from a fallout, than to try as hard as you can to make it work and watch them walk away without so much as a whisper....THAT crushed me. I contemplated everything we had over the last 3 years, romantic problems and all....We never dated, i wanted to but she said no, we stayed friends and then......vapor. She just vanished after 3 years, no bad words minced, no rhyme or reason....just...gone. Maybe deep down i always had a soft spot for her in my heart, regardless of how she acted during those events....but every now and again...I think about her, for LONG periods. I wonder what she's up to, if she's happy, hoping it all worked out. I almost wanted to go buy a case of her favorite beer,(that quickly became my favorite too), leave a one-sentence farewell note thanking her for everything without signing it, leaving it on her stoop and calling it quits entirely. Some people....just leave that heavy mark in your heart..... 

 

Aside from digressing,  I've lost my share of friends too, some for piddly reasons, some for big ones like over someones bf murdering my friends infant son, it's been hell for me the last 2 years in that department. I am distant and reserved for a reason. I don't let people in much these days anymore....at least for now. Sometimes no amount of fighting can stop things from happening. They say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" I feel like I am there, right now, because all my good effort and good intentions meant absolutely nothing. I know how you feel...and it sucks when you try SO hard to make it work and it isn't enough. It's funny, I used to be a big-time introvert in high school, became extrovert after, and recently went back to being an introvert....

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