holyburd

Withdrawn Friend

8 posts in this topic

A friend of mine has gone off the grid for some time now. We had known each other for a while, few years, and to this day for whatever reason they did not like to talk about their personal life much. We had a rough dynamic at first, but muscled through and lasted beyond that.

Well, they turned a vapor for a long time, well over 6-8 months. Finally, I asked them outright in a blunt fashion that if it was just not wanting to see me anymore, then they gotta come out and say it. FINALLY I was able to elicit a reaction. It reads "Dude idk. I haven't been hanging out with anybody but --- lately. I'm in a fucked up place and I've been trying to figure myself out. I've been very antisocial. It's nothing personal."

 

 

We are both relatively stubborn people when it comes to each other, that's just how we operate as friends in a weird way. Haven't heard back since, but their S.O. just added me  via social media last night and never messaged me back. Just an add, then silence. I sppose perhaps the friend did so on their phone since a while back I removed them from my account due to a severe lack of communication and what I assumed to be being dropped like a hot rock; so as to peek at what I've been up to. Not a problem, but my question is this.

Should I just randomly drop in on them, and have them come on out for 1 on 1 time and try to get them to open up, or just leave them be? I've known what shelling up can do, and it isn't always the best idea. People can vanish thinking otherwise and not come back. I'd hate for that to happen to them too.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally i would assume that your friend has become either unsociable or needs some alone time to figure things out like they say and has now grown to like their own company over others and now makes excuses to avoid social interaction or they have moved on somewhat from where your friendship left off.

 

maybe you could try again to create a steady flow of text messages or emails between you both first, maybe the gentle approach will make them more comfortable with the situation, 

 

I know from past experience what it's like to hide away from the world only venturing out for work or the shops etc and avoiding social interactions, i have pretty much used a similar response just to get out of seeing someone, or anyone for that matter, and not because i didn't want to see them, more over i couldn't be bothered to go outside (Hermit with a permit) or make the effort of entertaining guests.

 

If you have no reply from your attempts at communication then yes call in on them. Sometimes its just a little encouragement to get your butt up off the sofa that brings people back into the world, at least that way you will probably get a yes or no as to whether they want to speak to you.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My policy is you can't keep people in your life who don't want to be there. I'll check up on a friend, but I try not to make it my job to carry the entire weight of the friendship, feel me?

pady-oe likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, still no responses. I tried to drop in a few times out of the blue but she lives literally across the entire city. No answer. Either she wasn't home and it was just bad luck, she didn't want to answer, or she moved and didn't tell me. It was a rented place and she moved a few times. I don't know guys...it's been almost 5-6 months now since we saw each other, and 4-5 months of radio silence. I want to believe in the best, but right now I'm expecting the worst. Even worse is at the same time, a few other former friends did the same things. radio silence out of the blue, one even blocked me from messaging, and for months on end. They long since have been removed and nothing changed. I don't want this to be our reality too, but I fear it may be over...It sucks because a lot of them I met around the same time, and all left around the same time. Talk about a whallop to the chin....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Loading...