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CollegeGirl

RANT - It makes me sick to my stomach at the thought of Angie experiencing true love before me

28 posts in this topic

In my mind I’m better. I’m smarter, more focused, more desired, more respectable, and just all around better so why does she get to experience this before me? I don’t mean any harm by this and don’t intend to act out of it. I’ve done a good job of controlling this because I know what it’s about. It’s my ego. The same ego that inspires me to be great and pursue my dreams makes me angry, irritated and depressed at the thought of another woman getting to something before me even though I make myself so available to that very thing. It’s not even about it being just*anything*. It’s about love. True love. That’s MY thing. I’m the Cancer sign. I’m the lover and hippy and hopeless romantic. She’s a Gemini lol. She gets to say she has experienced love and has someone that’s in love with her right now. She leaves in the middle of the night and gets texts and phone calls and has intimacy. Yeah their relationship is a mess, they’re not together (or ever really were officially to begin with), she’s distracted from school and I would never want their drama. But at least they HAVE something. I’m green with envy. Every part of me hates this fact. What’s wrong with me? Someplace deep down I know I’m happy for her and I hope everything works out for her and Peter. However, the snooty egotistical part of me wants it all to go wrong for her so she won’t get to true love and happiness before me. It wouldn’t be fair. She is promiscuous, has daddy issues, lets guys walk all over her, and is not as pretty as me. So what’s the deal? Please know that I’d NEVER admit this to anyone. I ‘m barely allowing myself to admit this feeling to myself without judgement. I’m trying to express this and let it go. Because there’s a lot of pain here. It’s not her fault and again this has nothing to do with her as a person. She has great qualities. She is cute, she dresses nicely, she’s down to earth and a talented writer and cook. I care about her. She’s friendly and she’s good at making websites lol. I’m sure she’d be a very loving wife/girlfriend/mother/sister, etc. She is wise but I’m more mature I think. I make better grades and better decisions lol. I want her to be happy but the little girl in me is rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum and screaming at how unfair the world is. I’ve shied away from this feeling, shoot I didn’t even understand it at first but I think I get it now. *I* want be a great lover/friend/sister/mom/wife/girlfriend. *I* want to be a great cook. *I* want to be talented. I mean, those last two things I know will come with time so I’m not too pressed. I’m only in college. But the love part? That gets to my core. Because I’m putting in effort and want it SO badly. I’ve dreamed about this since I understood what true love is. I’m sure every little girl has but I always felt that I felt it stronger because I’m such a sensitive person. I’m frustrated because I can’t make it happen on my own. So I’m here wanting and desiring something that is totally out of my control. Hopeless romantic. I’m such a driven and goal-oriented person it’s so unbelievable that this isn’t one of those things I can write down and make happen. Just by the power of intention. That’s how I manifest all of my other goals. But for some reason this one has yet to happen. I think as long as I see myself as a lover and hopeless romantic and desire this “out-of-this-world†kind of true love I will always be jealous of her. So how do I move on from this? How do I suppress my ego? I do my best to give her neutral advice when she comes to me and not talk down about her guy or tell her to leave him, even when it was going badly. I gave her the power to decide and didn’t let my jealousy get the better of me. But how can I genuinely be happy for her without any resentment? Because I think behind the jealousy is a lot of pain. I want to be a good friend to her. How can I be patient for my own love story especially when I feel like I’m drifting and not making any headway with the guys I’m interested in? It takes a lot of strength to make good decisions about guys and I'm lucky to have family to guide me in the right direction. But what if all I get out of that is loneliness in the end? 

 

Much love

CollegeGirl

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Wow, that's a lot of rant.

Wanting and needing unfortunately are confusing.

You've answered most of your own question(s).

We all get caught up thinking others have it better when we're looking at it from the outside.

You need a "you" holiday:)

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Wow, that's a lot of rant.

Wanting and needing unfortunately are confusing.

You've answered most of your own question(s).

We all get caught up thinking others have it better when we're looking at it from the outside.

You need a "you" holiday:)

Thank you for your response :)

 

I noticed I was answering my own questions about halfway through LOL but wanted to still post to get second opinions. 

 

What were you referring to when you said wanting and needing are confusing? I've been on a "me" holiday since I was born. 

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I have friends that travel and take several vacations.

I'd like that, but I wouldn't want to live hand to mouth and pay the credit card debt they do.

So I only need one or two vacations a year:)

I will want a new toy and get it and then find out it really wasn't that special...lol

They call that "having your cake and eating it too".

The true love thing...? My daughter says you have to kiss some frogs before you meet your Prince:)

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In my mind I’m better. I’m smarter, more focused, more desired, more respectable, and just all around better so why does she get to experience this before me? I don’t mean any harm by this and don’t intend to act out of it. I’ve done a good job of controlling this because I know what it’s about. It’s my ego. The same ego that inspires me to be great and pursue my dreams makes me angry, irritated and depressed at the thought of another woman getting to something before me even though I make myself so available to that very thing. It’s not even about it being just*anything*. It’s about love. True love. That’s MY thing. I’m the Cancer sign. I’m the lover and hippy and hopeless romantic. She’s a Gemini lol. She gets to say she has experienced love and has someone that’s in love with her right now. She leaves in the middle of the night and gets texts and phone calls and has intimacy. Yeah their relationship is a mess, they’re not together (or ever really were officially to begin with), she’s distracted from school and I would never want their drama. But at least they HAVE something. I’m green with envy. Every part of me hates this fact. What’s wrong with me? Someplace deep down I know I’m happy for her and I hope everything works out for her and Peter. However, the snooty egotistical part of me wants it all to go wrong for her so she won’t get to true love and happiness before me. It wouldn’t be fair. She is promiscuous, has daddy issues, lets guys walk all over her, and is not as pretty as me. So what’s the deal? Please know that I’d NEVER admit this to anyone. I ‘m barely allowing myself to admit this feeling to myself without judgement. I’m trying to express this and let it go. Because there’s a lot of pain here. It’s not her fault and again this has nothing to do with her as a person. She has great qualities. She is cute, she dresses nicely, she’s down to earth and a talented writer and cook. I care about her. She’s friendly and she’s good at making websites lol. I’m sure she’d be a very loving wife/girlfriend/mother/sister, etc. She is wise but I’m more mature I think. I make better grades and better decisions lol. I want her to be happy but the little girl in me is rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum and screaming at how unfair the world is. I’ve shied away from this feeling, shoot I didn’t even understand it at first but I think I get it now. *I* want be a great lover/friend/sister/mom/wife/girlfriend. *I* want to be a great cook. *I* want to be talented. I mean, those last two things I know will come with time so I’m not too pressed. I’m only in college. But the love part? That gets to my core. Because I’m putting in effort and want it SO badly. I’ve dreamed about this since I understood what true love is. I’m sure every little girl has but I always felt that I felt it stronger because I’m such a sensitive person. I’m frustrated because I can’t make it happen on my own. So I’m here wanting and desiring something that is totally out of my control. Hopeless romantic. I’m such a driven and goal-oriented person it’s so unbelievable that this isn’t one of those things I can write down and make happen. Just by the power of intention. That’s how I manifest all of my other goals. But for some reason this one has yet to happen. I think as long as I see myself as a lover and hopeless romantic and desire this “out-of-this-world†kind of true love I will always be jealous of her. So how do I move on from this? How do I suppress my ego? I do my best to give her neutral advice when she comes to me and not talk down about her guy or tell her to leave him, even when it was going badly. I gave her the power to decide and didn’t let my jealousy get the better of me. But how can I genuinely be happy for her without any resentment? Because I think behind the jealousy is a lot of pain. I want to be a good friend to her. How can I be patient for my own love story especially when I feel like I’m drifting and not making any headway with the guys I’m interested in? It takes a lot of strength to make good decisions about guys and I'm lucky to have family to guide me in the right direction. But what if all I get out of that is loneliness in the end? 

 

Much love

CollegeGirl

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I have friends that travel and take several vacations.

I'd like that, but I wouldn't want to live hand to mouth and pay the credit card debt they do.

So I only need one or two vacations a year:)

I will want a new toy and get it and then find out it really wasn't that special...lol

They call that "having your cake and eating it too".

The true love thing...? My daughter says you have to kiss some frogs before you meet your Prince:)

 

Yeah you know sometimes I wonder if I'll get over the love thing once I experience it. Some people experience that for years though, in 30+ years marriages. That's so amazing to me. 

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Well I'm sure that the "30+" thing wasn't cakes and cookies everyday lol.

My advice is to draw out a list you want and need and start from there:)

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I feel you and I share the same frustrations. On my end, not so much jealousy over members here, but I can understand your feelings when you see others have what you always wanted and worked for with no avail. That said, I have to admit that publicly displaying jealousy over specific members may not have been the wisest approach.

For me, much like you, I am a man of pure heart who wants the best for the people who truly deserve it. For about 7 years I have tried everything I knew to attract a decent mate. My use of good discretion allowed me to see various red-flags and avoid falling into the trap of falling for someone just for the sake of having someone. With that in mind, it's obvious left me with slim-pickings as the ones who I found decent were later discovered to be in committed relationships or I bombed on my attempts through nervous fear. People like us, we work hard for what we have. I'd be a liar if I said it didn't get to me from time to time. That's normal. Often we wonder "If I have devoted so much of myself to building honest, better things, why am I still getting beaten down while people who couldn't care less reap the rewards?"

 

I've come to realize that things, at least on my end, do not always work in my sense of time. If I was supposed to find her, it would have happened by now with how much hard work I put in to this. 7 years of effort and not a thing to show for it. That bothered me for quite some time, while these kids wander about and go mere days before they find another. LITERALLY, DAYS. The very same people you hear about who scheme, lie, cheat, steal. With that, I said "perhaps it's time to give it a rest." Not so much in a defeated-sense, but in recognition that perhaps it just isn't right yet. Nobody can go that long of a stretch while consistently working  at it to get nowhere. There must be something else at hand here, a force of nature blocking my way. that's when it hit me.

We are a special breed. We are unlike most, in that we fight for what we have. We earn our keep daily, believe in sacrificing today for tomorrow's betterment. Who of all your associate's can you say live up to that standard? There aren't many of us left in a very superficial world. We are a rare breed, and with that title comes it's own set of rules. Rules we may not be able to change just because it's our character. Finding matches for us it harder because based on statistics, more people couldn't care less about putting in the work and just fall for the first thing they see. That is NOT to say Angie did, or didn't. Speaking generally is all.

 

Accept that our caliber of humanity requires special kindling that very few can provide. It's better to be alone than in the wrong place. That only leads you several steps backwards. I work at coming to peace with that daily, it sucks, but it's true. Good enough for many isn't 'good enough' for all. Know your worth, and don't let the lack of a relationship title tell you "you aren't worthy, look at your history!" F-- that! "It's not the success that makes. It's not the title that makes you. The character defines the success, defines the fame. Championships aren't won in the theater of the arena. They're won in the thousands of hours working when everyone else was sleeping."

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I feel you and I share the same frustrations. On my end, not so much jealousy over members here, but I can understand your feelings when you see others have what you always wanted and worked for with no avail. That said, I have to admit that publicly displaying jealousy over specific members may not have been the wisest approach.

...

 

Accept that our caliber of humanity requires special kindling that very few can provide. It's better to be alone than in the wrong place. That only leads you several steps backwards. I work at coming to peace with that daily, it sucks, but it's true. Good enough for many isn't 'good enough' for all. Know your worth, and don't let the lack of a relationship title tell you "you aren't worthy, look at your history!" F-- that! "It's not the success that makes. It's not the title that makes you. The character defines the success, defines the fame. Championships aren't won in the theater of the arena. They're won in the thousands of hours working when everyone else was sleeping."

 

Thank you for the wise words and encouragement, I truly appreciate it! Also, Angie is my friend and roommate not anyone on this website so no shade to whoever she is on here! 

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Go on some dates?

 

Is that how easy it is for you? Lol you just decide to go on dates and it happens :)

 

 

Sort of. Its even easier for a girl honestly. The hardest part is deciding its worth it to put yourself out there. Your call on that one, but for me it beats being lonely. Also being bitter, which is how I felt for a long time watching my friends pair off.

 

If you want some suggestions on how to find dates ask around but I'd say:

 

Online: Tinder, Okcupid, POF, Match, whatever your poison is

 

Offline: Friends, bar, club, clubs (activities), ect, Language exchange, cultural exchange, whatever activity interests you you can find a group doing it and hang out with them

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Go on some dates?

 

Is that how easy it is for you? Lol you just decide to go on dates and it happens :)

 

 

Sort of. Its even easier for a girl honestly. The hardest part is deciding its worth it to put yourself out there. Your call on that one, but for me it beats being lonely. Also being bitter, which is how I felt for a long time watching my friends pair off.

 

If you want some suggestions on how to find dates ask around but I'd say:

 

Online: Tinder, Okcupid, POF, Match, whatever your poison is

 

Offline: Friends, bar, club, clubs (activities), ect, Language exchange, cultural exchange, whatever activity interests you you can find a group doing it and hang out with them

 

 

I disagree I think it's easier for guys. You control the tempo. I could like you, drop hints, text you and compliment you and still have to wait for you to ask me out. The minute I'm in control or I tell you I like you it's game over. Or worse, I control the tempo and you just let me control everything else from then on because you're lazy, heartbroken, rebounding or a weak person. (Not really you lol).  Of course I understand women can ask men out but that's never gone well for me. I'm generally a confident person, I was speaking to my dad earlier today about this and he mentioned that maybe guys are intimidated by confident or smart girls, even when they don't seem like it. 

 

I have a POF account - creepy guys.

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Go on some dates?

 

Is that how easy it is for you? Lol you just decide to go on dates and it happens :)

 

 

Sort of. Its even easier for a girl honestly. The hardest part is deciding its worth it to put yourself out there. Your call on that one, but for me it beats being lonely. Also being bitter, which is how I felt for a long time watching my friends pair off.

 

If you want some suggestions on how to find dates ask around but I'd say:

 

Online: Tinder, Okcupid, POF, Match, whatever your poison is

 

Offline: Friends, bar, club, clubs (activities), ect, Language exchange, cultural exchange, whatever activity interests you you can find a group doing it and hang out with them

 

 

I disagree I think it's easier for guys. You control the tempo. I could like you, drop hints, text you and compliment you and still have to wait for you to ask me out. The minute I'm in control or I tell you I like you it's game over. Or worse, I control the tempo and you just let me control everything else from then on because you're lazy, heartbroken, rebounding or a weak person. (Not really you lol).  Of course I understand women can ask men out but that's never gone well for me. I'm generally a confident person, I was speaking to my dad earlier today about this and he mentioned that maybe guys are intimidated by confident or smart girls, even when they don't seem like it. 

 

I have a POF account - creepy guys.

 

 

Well lets call it even. Both men and women certainly have their share of dating woes.

 

Yeah I've never tried PoF and I met a few crazy people off Okcupid but oddly enough, Tinder, the supposed hookup app, has given me the most success with meeting normal people. I guess its because literally every single person in their twenties that I know either has tinder, or has tried tinder.

 

In any case keep trying. I get your dilemma, you control the tempo and then its all on you and you attract (you think at least) weak dudes. You don't control the tempo and you are left at the whim or random internet dudes. Well thems the breaks. I always have to do the asking out, its not pleasant for me and I've gotten rejected a lot, but that's the hand I was dealt as a dude. I'd love it if a girl took the initiative and asked me out but its only ever happened a handful or times.

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Go on some dates?

 

Is that how easy it is for you? Lol you just decide to go on dates and it happens :)

 

 

Sort of. Its even easier for a girl honestly. The hardest part is deciding its worth it to put yourself out there. Your call on that one, but for me it beats being lonely. Also being bitter, which is how I felt for a long time watching my friends pair off.

 

If you want some suggestions on how to find dates ask around but I'd say:

 

Online: Tinder, Okcupid, POF, Match, whatever your poison is

 

Offline: Friends, bar, club, clubs (activities), ect, Language exchange, cultural exchange, whatever activity interests you you can find a group doing it and hang out with them

 

 

I disagree I think it's easier for guys. You control the tempo. I could like you, drop hints, text you and compliment you and still have to wait for you to ask me out. The minute I'm in control or I tell you I like you it's game over. Or worse, I control the tempo and you just let me control everything else from then on because you're lazy, heartbroken, rebounding or a weak person. (Not really you lol).  Of course I understand women can ask men out but that's never gone well for me. I'm generally a confident person, I was speaking to my dad earlier today about this and he mentioned that maybe guys are intimidated by confident or smart girls, even when they don't seem like it. 

 

I have a POF account - creepy guys.

 

 

Well lets call it even. Both men and women certainly have their share of dating woes.

 

Yeah I've never tried PoF and I met a few crazy people off Okcupid but oddly enough, Tinder, the supposed hookup app, has given me the most success with meeting normal people. I guess its because literally every single person in their twenties that I know either has tinder, or has tried tinder.

 

In any case keep trying. I get your dilemma, you control the tempo and then its all on you and you attract (you think at least) weak dudes. You don't control the tempo and you are left at the whim or random internet dudes. Well thems the breaks. I always have to do the asking out, its not pleasant for me and I've gotten rejected a lot, but that's the hand I was dealt as a dude. I'd love it if a girl took the initiative and asked me out but its only ever happened a handful or times.

 

 

Okay fair enough. You see I notice some guys say they'd like girls to ask them out but whenever I've tried to be blunt and say I like someone or ask them to hangout they become distant or assume that I don't want to be treated like a girl or that I'm loud/mean/bossy.

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Well I'm sure that the "30+" thing wasn't cakes and cookies everyday lol.

My advice is to draw out a list you want and need and start from there:)

 

Does making this list really make your wants less intense? I make gratitude lists all the time and as a result I'm generally a happy person! And I do admit my needs are met a majority of the time unless I'm being reckless and not sleeping or pulling all-nighters Lol 

Sometimes it's when your needs are met that your wants seem even more intense cuz everything else is good. 

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Go on some dates?

 

Is that how easy it is for you? Lol you just decide to go on dates and it happens :)

 

 

Sort of. Its even easier for a girl honestly. The hardest part is deciding its worth it to put yourself out there. Your call on that one, but for me it beats being lonely. Also being bitter, which is how I felt for a long time watching my friends pair off.

 

If you want some suggestions on how to find dates ask around but I'd say:

 

Online: Tinder, Okcupid, POF, Match, whatever your poison is

 

Offline: Friends, bar, club, clubs (activities), ect, Language exchange, cultural exchange, whatever activity interests you you can find a group doing it and hang out with them

 

 

I disagree I think it's easier for guys. You control the tempo. I could like you, drop hints, text you and compliment you and still have to wait for you to ask me out. The minute I'm in control or I tell you I like you it's game over. Or worse, I control the tempo and you just let me control everything else from then on because you're lazy, heartbroken, rebounding or a weak person. (Not really you lol).  Of course I understand women can ask men out but that's never gone well for me. I'm generally a confident person, I was speaking to my dad earlier today about this and he mentioned that maybe guys are intimidated by confident or smart girls, even when they don't seem like it. 

 

I have a POF account - creepy guys.

 

 

Well lets call it even. Both men and women certainly have their share of dating woes.

 

Yeah I've never tried PoF and I met a few crazy people off Okcupid but oddly enough, Tinder, the supposed hookup app, has given me the most success with meeting normal people. I guess its because literally every single person in their twenties that I know either has tinder, or has tried tinder.

 

In any case keep trying. I get your dilemma, you control the tempo and then its all on you and you attract (you think at least) weak dudes. You don't control the tempo and you are left at the whim or random internet dudes. Well thems the breaks. I always have to do the asking out, its not pleasant for me and I've gotten rejected a lot, but that's the hand I was dealt as a dude. I'd love it if a girl took the initiative and asked me out but its only ever happened a handful or times.

 

 

Okay fair enough. You see I notice some guys say they'd like girls to ask them out but whenever I've tried to be blunt and say I like someone or ask them to hangout they become distant or assume that I don't want to be treated like a girl or that I'm loud/mean/bossy.

 

 

Or they aren't interested! I hate to say it but you'd be surprised how many times a guy has to get rejected before he can get a date. People are busy, people have a relationship already, or maybe they don't like you enough or aren't attracted.

 

I'm not sure its because they don't want to be treated like a girl, though its possible, I've had this discussion with most of my male friends and never has a single one of them disliked the idea of being asked out.

 

I think the likely thing is you just had a really small sample size!

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Sherlock I dont think shes getting a kick out of other peoples misfortunes,shes already said 'she wishes her friend the best'

Ive messaged her and she means no harm to anyone.☺

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Yeah, I think schadenfreude isn't applicable here but I kinda see what Sherlock is picking up on, which is being overly concerned with others. Its the opposite of schadenfreude though because its displeasure at someones happiness rather than pleasure at their unhappiness.

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