Anonymous17946

My girlfriend is a serial cheater :/..

49 posts in this topic

Hello all, I've got some really bad news. I know the girl i'm dating is a serial cheater. I just got the 100% proof yesterday and I didn't know how to handle it, I want to break up with her so bad, but I don't have the confidence nor willpower anymore because I have been cheated on so much in the past, that I just don't know what to do anymore. Also, she told me she used to be suicidal so I guess that's one thing I fear as well. Anyways, let me tell you about our relationship. We started out not so good. She cheated on her jerk of an ex boyfriend who would treat her poorly at work (all of us work together, by the way) with me. At first, I felt like a hero because I seen how bad he treated her. After a day or so of me and her talking she invited me over to her place to watch movies with her friends, we wound up having sexual intercourse that night and I won't lie, before her I was single for six years, so this was a big milestone for me. Anyways, after that night, her boyfriend at the time had to give us a ride to work and I left hickeys on her neck and he didn't care or at least I don't think he did. He gave us a ride to work for about a week until she broke the news to him, they obviously broke up right then and there and he stopped giving us rides, which wasn't a problem because I had a back up ride available, plus I was getting my own car in a couple weeks. Well, I practically lived at her place for the first month and a half and we had intercourse every single night or at least when we could (she has endometreosis, so sometimes that would stop us) and we had the time our lives with laughing, cuddling and just having a good time. Well, after about a month a half, she told me about her friend john and how he has social anxiety and that he doesn't want to meet me or any of her friends (I have a friend that also has that very same issue so I understood), so he started coming over whenever I wasnt around and spending the night at her place. Now here is the thing, he is from a ghetto part of upper michigan and he sells drugs, call me crazy, but I think you have to socialize in order to sell drugs, I don't know, but anyways, he started coming around more often and she would tell me to go home when he was about to come over. For a while it was just every other night or so, then it worsened, he was staying there more frequently, not living there, but every night after me and her got off work he would be there and she would tell me to go home. The naive part of me thought I could trust her, but i'll get to that in a minute. Well she has really bad anxiety so she would often tell me she wanted to be left alone or that john was coming over so I couldn't stay the night or hang out with her that much anymore. I let this continue for a while thinking she would never cheat on me, until one day (we have this morning routine where I would go to her place at 11:30am and I would wake her up before work) I walked into her apartment and all I could smell was sex, john was no where around, but I know it happened. I was crushed. I woke her up and asked her why her room smelled of sex and she said she just used her toys is all. ..good cover up, I suppose...well then as the next month went on this cycle kept repeating itself, john would come over, I couldnt go see here (even on the weekends) and when she texted him, she would turn her phone away (obviously trying to hide something), but I would stop by in the mornings to wake her up before work. Then something new happened, there came this new kid at work who worked a different shift than her and she would tell me how much he tried to flirt with her, I just brushed it off because again, naive me, believed she wouldn't flirt with him. Well then she started to stay over more often and me being her ride had to wait for her at work. What they did while they were working I have no idea, but I just started noticing stuff like how he would smile at her when we passed him, but when he saw me he would dart his eyes away quicker than lighting,  I thought maybe because I scared him or something (you know me being the rough and tough boyfriend I am, lol jk)she would tell me how her and that new kid were texting the night before, but got upset when I told her I was uncomfortable with it and ontop of that there are these two guys who message her on facebook constantly, I hear her phone go off and she instantly picks up her phone and turns it away.. well a lot of things have been happening here lately that have been pressuring me into finally praying (me and her stopped having intercourse around christmas time which was two months into our relationship and as of right now we are four months, she would get rude with me like whenever I would wake her up she would say stuff like "I dont like your face" or "get off the bed" or she would tease me then if I tried to take it one step further she would get irritated, then she blocked me and my family on facebook and all kinds of things), now I know all of you jesus haters are going to send crude comments my way, but please don't, I have my beliefs and you have yours. Well anyways I started praying these past couple weeks and I prayed to god to show me the truth because I fear she is cheating on me and well yesterday when I went to her place she had hickeys all over the left side of her neck, we got into a spat and she told me she was accident with her mom and didnt want to tell me because she is independant and could handle it on her own and that she was too worried about her mom at the time, she had bruises on her stomach as well so that kind of helped her story, but I know her mom and I literally live right next to her mom and before I went to go see her, I passed her moms car which was parked and in pretty good condition,plus she cant drive so she had to be the passenger which would have made those "marks" have to be on the right side of her neck due to the seatbelt, but they were on her left side of her neck and they looked exactly like hickeys. I know shes lying to me and cheating on me now. Now I just don't what to do, I don't have the confidence anymore and willpower anymore, every girlfriend I had except one or two has cheated on me and now I just feel so weak. I waited six years for the right one to come along, six years to not be cheated on again, six years to finally accept that I can date with no fear and then this happens...So now I just have been slowly taking her out of my life, not physically but technology wise. I took photos of her off my facebook, I deleted almost all the photos of her off of my phone, I also have whatever she left at my place (pajamas, underwear and a necklace) in a walmart bag in my closet. I want to break up with her, but I dont know if I can take being lonely, I dont know if I cant take her comitting suicide, I dont know if I candle anything anymore. When I found about the hickeys yesterday I got so upset I had to leave work early, I told her I had to go hate myself for a while for accusing her of such an atrocious thing, but honestly I just wanted to get away from her. She had a ponytail going on and I could see the hickeys all day and just couldn't handle it. I had to lie to her cause I didn't want to fight anymore. She tried making up by making out with me before I dropped her off at her place, but I still went home and just sat there in thought and prayer trying to figure out what to do next because I don't have the strength anymore. It also doesn't help that outside of the relationship, i'm under a lot of stress due to my step sister trying to ruin my family, my financial struggles, and my other family members are stressed out not only because they know whats happening in my relationship but because they too have family troubles going on. In the past two weeks I have broken down and cried at least four times, two times were in the middle of a prayer. Which takes a lot because I am one of those guys who don't cry, I tuck my tears inside and keep them there until I cant control them anymore. Can you guys please help me? I am begging you, I dont have the strength to break up with her, I dont want to be lonely again, I dont want her to commit suicide, I dont want this pain anymore :(...don't worry I'm not going to commit suicide, I have too much to live for, but I just cant handle this anymore, I dont know what to do.....please...help...me....)':

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Ok Im sorry but Ive only read a third of your post and my blood is boiling!!!

First off is she a prostitute?

Second go and get yourself checked for any std.

3rd keep the **** away from ***** like this. You deserve better!

Big Al One likes this

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Whatever you do DO NOT GET BACK WITH THAT.

You know we have spoke many times and the amount of red flags I have lost count!!

God if you lived closer I would give you such a big hug.

I'm sorry this has happened to you AGAIN.

Big Al One likes this

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Break up with her.

 

Find a new apartment.

 

Cut ALL contact.

 

Start working on yourself and your life.

 

You need to build up your self esteem.

 

Staying with this girl will absolutely destroy you. Staying in contact with her will destroy you.

 

Be brave for the sake of your future self. Or remain passive and suffer serious, serious, consequences.

Big Al One likes this

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thanks everybody....I dont know, I just dont have that strength, nor willpower to do it right now. I am so weak there are no words to explain how I feel. I know I shouldn't let this happen to me, but I just can't, I fear so much and I am just too weak. I have been strong my whole life with all the stuff I went through in my life (abuse, being forced to watch my sisters get raped and molested, moving constantly and unable to keep a steady friendship, being cheated on, the list can go on and on) at this point I just feel weak and numb, like my whole insides literally feel like nothing and I hate it. I am not my funny self anymore, I am not my optimistic self anymore, I am not myself in general anymore. The wieght of the pain has weighed down on me for too long and i'm just giving up at this point (no, not comiiting suicide, I promise) I just literally feel like i'm just drifting along life now as a nothing, as a no one. Everyone at work notices it too, I'm going to try not to sound conceited here, but everybody at work loves me because I am mr.funny there, I try to brighten every one's day, I get along with everybody there, I care for everyone there and we are all friends and they have noticed the change in me and I had a few people tell me they want to put an end to my sadness, they dont know the story though, they dont know what she is doing to me, I cant tell them not just because I dont do drama, but also because I dont want them to know because I fear if they go after her she will commit suicide..yeah she is hurting me, but I still care for her...I dont know if that just makes me a weaker person or somebody to just walk on..I dont know anymore....to be honest, Ive had evil thoughts of creating a fake facebook account just to hit on her and see if she will cheat on me or sneaking out to her place and just waiting to catch her in the act, but im not that low of a person, yes she is literally breaking me into pieces, but I will not stoop to that low of a level cuz what if it isnt true and its just in my head? I look like the jerk and I look like the worthless scum who couldnt trust her or what if it is true and I do see it happen what do I do next? do I punch the guy for sleeping with my gf even though hes probably the victim like me? do I just stand there disbelief yet again?...I literally dont know what to do, my hands are tied, i'm literally giving up, I havent felt this feeling in so long and for it to return again after years of going without it and  with ruined hopes and dreams that I didnt have to go through this anymore ontop of it and just everything, I just dont know how to handle myself or the situation anymore....I dont know if i'm just the worlds most unluckiest guy in the world or what, but I hate it....I just dont know anymore :/....

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You are running yourself in circles and doing backflips to avoid the  hard but obvious truth.

 

She is cheating. You know it, we all can tell just from your post.

 

You have one option. Only one.

 

Break up with her.

 

I know that's hard, but that is the ONLY right choice here.

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It explains why her 'last boyfriend treated her so bad'

She should put an ad in the paper/phone box(unless she already has one that is)

If your willing to have mat on your forehead then im sorry,but,I have no words for you.

You've already had a torturous life yet your willing to add further heartbreak just so she dont her.

Tell her go find some other mug,or better still keep her legs shut so she doesnt another poor love struck victim.

Big Al One likes this

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Ok I may have gone a little overboard on my replys,but its only because I care.

I truly hate girls/women who treat men like scum!(like you couldnt tell)

Please dont subject yourself to any more heartbreak,she is NOT worth it.

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Your girl is an experienced user.  Everything you said is classic - it happened to me, it happened to friends I knew growing up and you do not escape.  First, her ex-boyfriend was a perfectly good guy until he realized what she was - why does he have to respect her.  Of course he's going to treat her nasty because it's better than she deserves.  Then, she became a "victim" and you  became a hero.  Chicks like that will let you, Tom, Dick, and Harry rescue them all day long - it fulfills the attention that goes along with their whoredom.  Meeting her wasn't natural, she selected you as stock.  She took your mind hostage over your heat - she admitted to you that she was suicidal - tightening her grip on you while liberating herself.  "No, please don't make me pay for the consequences of my actions!"  Well, she didn't kill herself when her ex left her (or the one before that) - I doubt she'll kill herself over you.  What she means by that is; she needs a firm grip on another. . . .vine, before you cast her to the wind - she knows it's coming.  In doing so, maybe she can try to get you to serve them breakfast in bed. . . .together, or just the three of us.  Are you getting the picture?  Sluts have their version of having their cake and eating it too.  And while you keep enabling her, you are the one determining your own value - it's already clear what you're worth in her eyes.  The question is, what are you worth to yourself?

A spell of loneliness is better than being involved with that kind of nastiness.

Get your $#!t wired straight - you talk about a past that has left you weak and without strength but you're supporting another variation of the very thing that you have hated. . . .only this is in the present state of your life.  So. . . who's guilty of what, right now?

Breaking up can be tough if there were a redeeming element to this story, but this is not a case regarding your situation.

Giver her a quarter and tell her to call someone who cares.. .. .. ..

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7mDKstQffc[/media]

Gone., Docteur Ralph and Phoenix like this

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again thanks every one for your input, and I agree with you big al, I dont mean to sound rude when I say but I just dont think anyone  can fathom how I feel right now, I literally have no words to explain it, like I just feel so ....nothing, is the best way to describe it and even that is not even close enough to describe the full emotion I am going through. I sincerely do want to break up with her, I need to do, but I literally feel like I cant do nothing right now, like I said i've been strong my whole life and its just now taking its toll, everything is crashing down on me and I just dont know how to handle it right now. I've carried this weight for my whole life and now with this happening to me again, I just feel like I dont know, like a worthless piece of garbage that has been stepped on repeatedly until I am nothing more than mere bits and pieces of dust flowing in the wind. Like before when I was cheated on, I had the balls to tell them to their face "go f*** yourself and dont ever talk to me again!", but now that its happening again (even after being single for six years, hoping this would never happen again), I just feel like I dont deserve love, i've been through this so many times that i'm beginning to believe that I dont believe I deserve all those romantic things I see in the movies. I am 21 years old (almost 22) and i've been in at least 13 relationships  and only one or two of them didn't cheat on me (one I know ,broke up with me because I had to move and the other was just not feeling it and turned out to be a lesbian and still is one of my best friends to this day), and I only had sexual intercourse with three of them. I've changed myself for the better in each relationship, I was kinder, nicer, funnier, stronger, etc, etc and each time it was the same damn result. like from outside point of view I dont know how that looks, but on the inside, I feel like whats the point anymore, like my options are literally 1: stay in this whatever is left a "realtionship" and get a kiss and/or hug every once in a while, which makes me have that little ounce of hope that some one does at least have something of a tiny bit of love for me and stay in it, to stray away from the depressing lonesome life again or 2: get out of this so called "relationship" go back into the depression I was in for six years and feel like I never succeed in love and even worse if I was wrong I would feel nothing but a heavy guilt and if I was right feel like I am just a pathetic mess...I wish you could hear my thoughts as I typed these words, I wish some one could dive inside my horrifying mind and just throw away this nasty dirt which fills my mind with sadness and give me that strength to do what I need to do, but sadly...nothing can...no one can...except for god and Ive been trying with him...ive been praying....ive been crying...and even then I still feel this nothingness, I mean god has shown me the signs, but now I that I do know the truth, I do feel a little better but I still feel like a nothing, like a damn door mat, like a damn piece of a garbage , like WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT TO LOVE ANYMORE, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER, WHY CANT I GET THAT SIMPLE LOVE THAT I YEARN FOR IN THE MOVIES, WHY CANT I BE THAT SOME ONE, WHY?.....why?.....why?....sorry to exert such emotion....these are just questions I have been asking myself here lately and I still have no answer to....I honestly dont know what else to say, like I know I should break up with her and just dont have that power anymore.....I dont have me anymore...I am nothing, I am no one....the only thing holding me together right now is my family, my friend mary (who knows about it all and is trying her best to help me through this, like you guys are) and all of you here listening, well reading that is....I honestly dont know what i'm looking for as far as an answer goes, but just knowing you guys are there for me means a whole lot to me...I dont know what i'm hoping will happen, maybe I just walk in on her and some dude boinking and then it would be a lot easier, maybe I was wrong and she is just afraid of love, I dont know.....I just dont know....

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I have to correct myself, it seems I have made a mistake in how long I was single, I was just going through my facebook and seen that my relationship was in 2012. my apologies, I guess I blocked that out of my mind cause that was the second worst relaionship I was in, oddly enough that ex is now my sister in law :/....

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Son, son, son . . . .you say you're almost 22-years-old.  You say you've been alone for about six years. . . .  That would put you at age 15 or 16 since your. . . .last meaningful relationship?  Dude, you need to sober up - there is no meaningful relationship when you're 15 or 16 years old - you've been drunk on testosterone for quite a while and it has amplified your emotions.  Saying that you've been through more than a dozen relationships isn't helping your case.  You have a desperate frame of mind - you're needy and clingy.  Any fit young woman is going to sense that and avoid you.  What remains are those women that will walk right over you and keep you coming back for more.  I'm better than 46 years old, boy. . . .look at it from my point of view and have a laugh - your balls just dropped yesterday in my view - I understand your desire for companionship but. . . .Dayum, son.  Your definition of fear and loneliness changes with time - you don't know fear. . . .  which is worse, not remembering your first stiffie or not remembering your last. . . .or not caring at all about either.  If you carry on with this emotional baggage, you will find yourself married to your self pity.  You will be single for a long time - regardless if you decide to stay in this relationship - it's all over but the crying.  You need to get back to yourself and grow up.  You're thinking and acting like a 15 year old kid.  It's time to walk the path a man walks to be a man.  It will only be then you will have what you are looking for - it will find you.

Good luck kiddo.  You can be the wiser. . . .or you can graduate from the school of hard knocks the hard way.

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Every guy on the planet has been where you are: betrayed by a woman. We are raised to believe that women are just a little below the angels, or maybe even a little above, and then we run into a woman like your erstwhile girlfriend, and we are confronted with the inconvenient truth that woman can be just as nasty and ruthless as men.

First of all, some observations. You do not "break up" with a girl you never had. You were a place holder until she could find a new "connection". She is getting drugs from this latest guy, and she is paying all or in part with sex. It's barter--a simple exchange.

You don't get hickeys from car accidents or from falling on the garden path with your mother.

This girl is not without her virtues, however. She would make an excellent implement for ridding a garden of weeds. I think you know what I mean!

Forget your pajamas and whatever else you left there. Hope you did not get any STDs--but you should get yourself checked.

Don't ruminate any more about this girl. As Big Al says, the world is full of such women. They are on every street corner.

You want to meet a nice girl--try going to church or synagogue, or join a volunteer organization.

This girl is not yours and never was, so don't even think about breaking up with her. She "broke up" with you the moment she had sex with that druggie guy. She will end up with a life threatening STD and will not have anyone who cares about her.

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Wait, something doesn't add up. You've been single for 6 years but been in 13 relationships? Explain?

 

Jeesus christ you are 21, just a fledgling adult. Cut yourself some slack.

 

Dump the girl and enjoy these years, the freaking prime of your life!

 

You are emotional now because you realize you gotta break up with a girl who never appears to have loved or cared for you, and who cheats on everyone. That sucks because its tough to be faced with your own terrible decisions. But there you are. Face to face with the monster you've been hiding in your own bedroom.

 

Its time to grow up and move on.

 

At 21 everything, literally everything, is ahead of you. Its a perfect time to free yourself.

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I dont know if y'all seen my comment from earlier, but my last relationship before the girl I was dating now was in 2012. I had to correct myself.....and she had another hickey on the opposite side of her neck today, and im saying thats enough! she has to stay over tonight, but right as soon as I pick her up I am breaking up with her, im about to snap. I just got pulled for speeding past a red light because I was so enraged....it is officially over between me and her....and as far as the 13 relationships go, in ninth grade, I was a bad kid and dated a lot of women, I think about 9 throughout that whole year, in eleventh grade I only dated three, one turned out to be the lesbian so that didnt last long, the other two I had dated in the middle of the year and at the end of the year, they both cheated on me and the last one before that I dated a girl for two and a half years from the summer of eleventh grade going onto senior year all the way through senior year and a little while after that and we were pretty serious until I found out she cheated on me as well...

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I suggest you pray for the strenght to endure this shit storm.

 

So glad to hear you broke it off with her, shes nothing but trouble.

 

You need to be around better people. I suggest you move away and find some actual human beings.

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It's easy to say forget it and move on but I understand it's very difficult when emotions and thoughts are running high. It is perfectly normal to go through the pain, it's expected. Ride the storm... but always bear in mind that This Too Shall pass. 

 

As you are sifting through the turmoil consider this....

 

To find true love you have to feel love for yourself first. Sadly, I couldn't see that in what you wrote.

 

Until you learn to love, care and respect yourself, you will keep bumping up against women who will  reflect back to you how you treat yourself on the inside.

 

When you truly love yourself you attract people who will genuinely love you and are more likely to be faithful.

 

Your experiences are carefully orchestrated to guide you to love and honor yourself. That's where God keeps calling you to because that's where you will ultimately find the inner peace and joy you need- whether you are with or without someone.

 

The question is...  are you paying attention or are you looking for answers outside of yourself?

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again thanks everyone for your input and concerns, here is an update on what has been going on with me and her. So I did break up with her, she was heartbroken and crushed and cried for a short time, but since then things have been quite confusing. Since I am still her ride to work, I still go to her place to wake her up and we still spend an hour and a half with eachother every morning and well after a couple days of me and her breaking up she admitted to me she slept with a girl, which I told her it hurt and she said she was sorry and she wont do it again, which yes it was very devastating to hear because I still do have love for her and I haven't nor do I plan to have sexual intercourse with anyone, but I degress, so a few days go by and we got to talking about getting back together, I dont know why my brain thought it was a good idea, but we discussed it for a few days and every now and then when I would drop her off she would kiss me and this is where it gets confusing. I still do have love for her, but I dont feel like get back with her so she can hurt me again, but that little voice in my head said that I should still try because of that little ounce of love I still have for her. Well I have this friend mary (who I talked about earlier in this post,no, I have never slept with this person, heck I dont even know what she looks like, but we have been best friends since 10th grade) and she knows the whole scenario and has been trying to help me get over my ex by talking to me and keeping my mind busy and whatnot and its been working, I was just at the point of finally getting over my ex. well I have been talking to mary since 10th grade and my ex never liked it but she allowed me to do it anyways because I let her talk to her best guy friend that I never met and well the other day my ex broke down when she seen me and mary talking. She started balling and I felt so bad because she said it was hurting her and its been hurting her for a while but she just didnt want to show it, so in a panic I told her I wouldnt talk to mary anymore and for some dumb reason I told her that I still love her and I always will and to prove it I asked her back out again. I dont why I did that, my mouth just blurted it out and well she stared at me for a while and didnt give me a yes or no, she left me with no answer all day and then on the ride home from work she told me has a lot on her mind to think about, so she doesnt know if us getting back together is a good idea right now, well not even two days later, I go to her place to wake her up for work and her phone is going off and the ringtone is our song (ed sheeran's "thinking out loud") and before I woke her up I sat there and just listened to her phone go off several times, sad part is, I knew it wasnt me that texted her, well I woke her up and she got up to get dressed and she came out with just pants and a bra on and I kept looking at her and all she did was smile and then she got all the way dressed and we went to work and I tried to sit opposite of her at our works smoke shack, but she decided to sit real close with me and started getting all flirty with me, not even ten minutes after that she admits to me that she is jus as confused as I am about our whole situation and now im just confused. Not only because I still have that little ounce of hope and love for her and that little bit wants me to get back with her, but on the other hand I know she cheated on me and hurt me, I dont know what to do now and i told my friend mary about it ( because I still try to talk to her even though I feel guilty for doing it but she has been my best friend since 10th grade and im not going to drop her out of my life for some girl who hurt me already...I dont know if its a bad thing or a good thing, but I dont want to just drop my best friend because of this) and mary doesnt even know what to say about it because now the situation is getting even more confusing and she knows how I feel about the whole scenario and she is even at a loss for words, the only advice she gave me was to drop my ex out of my life, which I cant because I am literally the only ride for her and if I drop her out of my life, she will lose her job and everything she works for and she will blame me and she will get suicidal and im just stuck....:/

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