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I just can't face the world today. Any encouragement or advice?

7 posts in this topic

I struggle with depression and nobody knows but my parents and I only told them recently after hiding it for years. My friends don't know,my boyfriend doesn't know. I spend my days out succeeding in looking like a normal happy productive person but my days off are spent in bed unable to get up and stop wallowing in self hatred and pity. Like today.

*bit of backstory, my sister whom I was very close with has a history of depression and suicide attempts from when I was very young, and I'm sure it affected me deeply in ways and is part of my feelings of shame in having depression.

I hate that I'm so reliant on other people like my friends and boyfriend for happiness and validation, when I so desperately want to be the strong, self assured, independent woman I pretend to be. I hate than I'm petty enough to be jealous of other people's success and happiness. I hate how I look without makeup. I hate that I'm not as successful as I thought I would be. I hate that I'm not really brilliant at anything. I hate that I'm pathetic and can't stop feeling sorry for myself. Why can't I stop? I want to be that person I pretend to be all the time but I'm not. I'm pathetic.

I'm a fairly logical and practical person. I know that ill never succeed or improve by not getting out of bed and seizing the day. But I feel so worthless I don't see the point. I can just lie in bed in a sleep like state until the next time I have to get up and pretend to be normal. I can't even muster the energy to get up and eat. I try doing new things like classes and stuff but it's little more than a bandaid, a temporary fix until my next zombie like state.

Anonymous poster hash: 574dd...6b6

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Everybody on the planet has fears, self-doubts and anxieties.

Two questions for you: (1) how do you measure a person's worth, and (2) what would you do if you had a sharp, persistent pain in your lower right abdomen?

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Everybody on the planet has fears, self-doubts and anxieties.Two questions for you: (1) how do you measure a person's worth, and (2) what would you do if you had a sharp, persistent pain in your lower right abdomen?

1) I always thought this was a subjective matter. To me, I'm currently of little worth because I can't even get out of bed and function like a normal human being.

2) Probably seek medical attention, but I can't afford it right now. And I'm a "fake it till you make it" sort of person, I'm so sure this is something I ought to be able to handle myself.

Anonymous poster hash: 49ec1...f9d

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OK. 

 

First thing is, don't measure your human worth by the standards of the world.   The standards of this world are horribly skewed.   The best get no recognition, while the worst are worshipped and lionized.

 

Second, if you thought you had appendicitis, you would go to the hospital.   Depression is also a physical condition.   You MUST make provisions to see a doctor--you need meds that will correct the dopamine imbalance in your brain.   I moved to Canada from the US some time ago, and up here people do not have to decide between going to the doctor or hospital and eating or paying the rent.  And those tea-partiers in the States just do not get it!  

 

Do not feel any shame.   It is no more shameful than to have appendicitis!   Go to a counselor at your school and ask for assistance in finding medical care.  

 

You do NOT have to suffer with this condition forever!

Gone. likes this

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Your choice of thoughts will always control your feelings and what you experience in life. 

 

If you carry on focusing on negative aspects of you and your life you will perpetuate a negative self-image that will keep you trapped in a vicious cycle of depression. 

 

A very easy and simple exercise (or habit) to get into, is to start each day by listing at least 10 things you are thankful for. Even if it's a simple thing like being thankful for the air you breathe. Really think about the blessings in your life and appreciate them. Also try to imagine how you would like your life to be rather than where it is today. Maintain a good feeling as you think the positive thoughts.

 

This may seem a simple exercise for a condition that has haunted you for a long time but it is a good start. The more you do it, the more you will find yourself gravitating towards a more optimistic outlook on life. You will find your experiences also suddenly reflecting that.

 

Please consider this....

If you are going to stay in bed and avoid people, Why choose to focus on what you hate over and over when you really can (with serious intention) re-train your thoughts into a more positive and creative direction that will serve you in the long-run?

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Pain serves a purpose. It serves as a motivator to do things differently. I used to think I had a low threshold for pain however given how much suffering I would endure before making any changes (to myself) then it turns out I have a high threshold for pain!

 

I struggle with depression and nobody knows but my parents and I only told them recently after hiding it for years. My friends don't know,my boyfriend doesn't know. I spend my days out succeeding in looking like a normal happy productive person but my days off are spent in bed unable to get up and stop wallowing in self hatred and pity. Like today.

The thing about depression is it is a lonely business. The desire to get out of it for ones self is powerful (in my experience) however the nature of the illness means that is incredibly unlikely to happen. The best solution I have found to depression is fellowship with people and understanding the truth about myself and the world I live in. 

 

The greatest truth I have discovered [despite all the indoctrination and saturation in the materialist scientism that I have received (living in western culture)] is that life is designed and full of purpose. Even Dawkins admits that life looks as though it were designed for a purpose (but despite the evidence he chooses to believe in random chance ) So I have challenged my foundational world view and found that it was built on rhetoric and assumption. Life is built on information and that information requires a mind. Therefore life is designed, design suggests purpose.

 

This will take a bit more investigating to get to the bottom of and to firm up for you however despite all the evil in the world there is a maximally good God in charge of the world. life is designed which means there is a way to live it that will yield peace of mind. That way is to take responsibility for yourself and let go of (stop worrying about) the things you have no control over. This may not sound that big of a deal but it really adds to my depression if I do not live by it. The number of times I have been sat on the sofa in fear of the state of the economy or wars going on with a dirty kitchen and no food in the fridge. When I realize that what i need to being doing is tidying the kitchen and getting food for the fridge then all things are restored to their proper size. The prayer goes like this

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (people, places, things) courage to change the things I can (me) and the wisdom to know the difference (the wisdom usually requires the help of others because we are relational beings)

 

I know this may not be the type of help you are looking for so feel free to say if you want me to stop because I intend to come back later and post more of my experience. Feel free to ask questions.

 

there is only one principle that will hold man in ever lasting ignorance and that principle is contempt prior to investigation. 

 

I think you have a real chance of beating this because you have gotten honest here. Disgusting though it may sound (because it sounded disgusting to me) recovering from depression will mean accepting the need of other people in your life. For me other people of a like mind (I am a recovering alcoholic) really helped and some group therapy may be required for a long term solution and I would look for a group with a spiritual angle (given that I believe the spiritual life is the real life)

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You are you

And this is true

There is no one in the world

More you-er than you.

 

I am just myself.

But myself is so much and so complex. Parts are wonderful, parts are dark. Everyone has insecurities. I would say your first step is to love yourself.. and understand yourself. It sounds like you really need to work on things there.. when I am around people constantly.. I can't work on myself. I get lost in the day.. I start smiling and pretending and I have to catch myself, stop and be honest.

 

I go about this a really weird way. Full and awkward honesty.. lol I tell people how I feel and its the weirdest and scariest thing sometimes. I don't often tell people I have depression. But I tell them the effects of it. and sometimes I do get odd looks, or worry that I am over sharing.. but it helps me be honest with myself. This way when I start getting into this negative mindset I can catch it quickly. Its actually pretty effective hearing yourself talk about these things out loud.

 

But the depression part.. If you feel too dependent on people then maybe you should take a step back for a little while and rediscover yourself.. work on figuring out how to be happy on your own. Its a long process.. depression is a hole you dig, and climbing out of that hole is fucking hard. You basically climb out of a hole and start walking up a mountain.. but it is possible.

 

Also, I would really think about your relationship. I can't give relationship advice.. but I'm one of those people that feels a boyfriend should be a partner that you are honest with and trust. They should add to your life and know you.. you don't seem to have this relationship with your boyfriend.. and I get most people date people they don't have that strong feeling of love and trust toward... because hes there.. but just something to think about as well.

Gone. likes this

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