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Husband or children?

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Today I was having lunch and I over heard someone ask this woman a question. The question was who's plate do you make first, Your husband are your child's? The woman said well of course my husbands.

When I got up to leave they asked me the question, At first I wasn't going to answer them but I gave my honest answer.

I said well it depends if my child isn't old enough, Are aren't Abel to make their own then my child will come first. But I will not treat my husband like he is a helpless child. Only every once in a while will I'll make my husband a plate, but I do hope he would do the same for me to.

The woman did not like my answer one bit she just basically told me I was stupid.

Anonymous poster hash: 82c24...4ab

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In most other cultures, in fact, the husband is served first!

Why? He is the one going out to slay dragons--to work for the family's survival.

In OUR culture, we look after the children first. Sometimes, we do this to our detriment. In our culture, women tend to overfocus on the children, and their relationship with their spouse often suffers--and the marriage unravels. These women forget that if they do not invest some energy and nurturing into their man, the marriage can break down--and then the children are imperiled with the dissolution of the family.

I am, let it be known, all for taking care of the children. Their survival and well-being should come first. But if the parents neglect each other to overfocus on children or other things, then the children will suffer in the long run.

pady-oe likes this

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Well I don't believe in treating a man like a helpless child. Man tend to never grow up cause they have Women taking care of them their whole life, and if any man is to get jealous of a child than they are worthless and can let the doorknob hit them where the good lord split them.

Now everyonce in a while of course I'll do something special for my man if that making his lunch are taking him out or something. But no I don't pick up after him, I don't make his lunch are plate all the time.

Anonymous poster hash: 82c24...4ab

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Hmmmm.....interestingly, my husb made my plate for me tonight.  We had tacos.  He cooked.  He made me a plate.  Then he made a plate for our four kids.  Finally, he made his plate.

 

He loves us and he shows it.  But I'm pretty sure that if I didn't treat him right and do special things for him, he would not reciprocate....

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Okay? Did I say there anything wrong with that? Like I said every once in a while I do, just like he dose for me. But I'm not going to do it everyday.

Anonymous poster hash: 82c24...4ab

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My Hubbys the bread winner of the family,so he gets served first,then the kids.

And vice versa for me.I dont wait on him and and foot,but I do believe in tradition.:)

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When things go bump in the night, it is the husband--not the wife--who gets up to investigate. When a tire goes flat, it is the husband--not the wife--who gets out the jack and changes the tire. When something very heavy has to be lifted, it is the husband--not the wife--who lifts it. When the roof gutters need cleaning, it is the husband--not the wife--who gets up on a spindly ladder and cleans them.

So what the heck is the big deal about serving a plate of food to your husband?

My European wife has said it many times--American women have totally forgotten how to nurture. She sees the way they talk to their husbands in public, the way the spend so extravagantly and the way they let their houses go to pot.

Women's liberation did not, for the most part, edify women. Now we have kids who hardly ever see their moms and are raised by strangers. Sixty-seven percent of divorces are initiated by women. \

Feminists preach equality, equality, equality--but they don't really mean it. If they did, they would crusade for equality in child custody decisions and demand that women register for selective service the same way men are required.

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@ Anon....nothing wrong with it at all.

Just saying that typically I take care of house stuff and my husb is the primary bread winner.  Although he's been known to bring breakfast in bed, cook dinner, do the dishes, etc....and it is so nice when he does it and I appreciate it greatly. 

I didn't do poorly before I met him, but I worked two full time jobs to maintain my standard of living. 

So, he made this life possible.  He has given me many intangible gifts...not just our children, but also the lifestyle that I live and the unconditional love that he shows to me.  He supports anything I want to do and makes me feel valued.

Therefore, I do what I can for him.  Often, that turns out to be the more "traditional" things....like making dinner and serving him.  I'm okay with that

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My wife takes care of the house; I take care of the car.

She keeps our social calendar; I tend to things that go bump in the night.

She cooks; I do most of the laundry.

She keeps me sane; I drive her nuts! ;-)

pady-oe likes this

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I eat twice as fast as everyone else so the kids get their food first, then my wife, then me. Nobody makes my plate. It is up to me to decide how big a portion of everything I want. I am a little too finicky to let someone else make a plate of food for me.

Ilse likes this

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@anon a man is not worthless for wanting to be cared for. Of course everyone wants to be pampered and taken care of. If you ask me, I do not see any reason why feeding the family shld be by favouritisim. Its obvious that preparing a very separate meal for the children means they can't cook for themselves or can't eat what the adults would satisfactorily or even at all yet. Get the food ready for eveyone its simple, whether the man feels like helping in the kitchen once in a while or not.

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When things go bump in the night, it both of us who gose and check. I make his food sometimes, he makes my food sometimes. Their is times when I will mowed the yard and he dose to. I guess I just can't stand gender roles. But dose that mean I judge people that do. No. If that is the way someone wants to live than okay. But I do believe a child should come first. When I do make my boyfriend food he is Served second.

And No a man is not worthless for wanting love are whatever. But if and man are woman gets jealous over a CHILD than yes they are worthless.

Anonymous poster hash: 82c24...4ab

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Think it's up to the individual or the family set up. I don't dish up for anyone, unless specifically asked. Each one has to plate what they feel they can consume, that way there is less waste and also no complaints if it's something they do not like or do not feel for at the specific time.

My dad is a diabetic, sometimes he has to eat something quick, think that's about the only time we dish up for someone else in our house. Mom prefers to dish up when it's desert, to ensure everybody gets equal portions on the first round. Just her habit.

Don't think dishing or not dishing is wrong or right.

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Yeah we put the food in the middle of the table and serve ourselves most times. When the kids were very small they always were served first. I don't see it as a big deal, but I see you wanting to make a big deal out of it. I think this has more to do with gender roles than you think, and I feel like this is a way for you to bridge the gap. If I told my wife to fix a plate for me first before the kids ate she would do so, trust me.

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If we all get to sit at the table,its usually the Mil who gets served first,then Hubby and kids. I always leave myself last.

My kids are teens now,so they're quite capable of waiting.

I know some people who serve their son first and hes 30yo. If they go to a resteraunt he gets to choose first and eat first. When we dine out we ask the lads to order theres first then we do. My Hubbys a workaholic so I dont ask him to help with any chores.

I also make multiple dinners so my lads can get theres whenever they want.

Its all about give and take.:)

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Love this topic. Really crosses era's as traditional values are changing greatly.

 

In my house my kids always got served first, then me, then my wife. I noticed at first (being from a traditional catholic family) as my father was always served first and it was a symbol of the primacy of his place in the family. Honestly though as a dad myself, I never really bothered me that my kids ate first, as my wife makes 90% of the meals, so I can wait a minute.

 

Ironically, when my mother eats with us I have noticed her eyeballing my wife when she brings the kids their food first (and quietly shaking her head). I guess I figure as long my wife and I are both cool with it, it doesn't really matter.

 

As long as my kids don't wrongfully think they are the center of the world - then it's all good.

 

In hindsight, I never got served first though? not as a kid, now not as a man. Hold on a second here...lol

 

Hawk

Ilse likes this

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In hindsight, I never got served first though? not as a kid, now not as a man. Hold on a second here...lol

 

Your wife neither! Lol

Next time run quickly with your plate in hand, throw a puppy face, it just might work.

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Haha, worth a shot Aisha.

 

I will say this though a few years back I got a chocolate cake for my B-day. Not to be indecent, but my wife suggested the last piece we would share together ;)

 

When I went to the kitchen to get it my son (then around 11) smiled as he wolfed down the last of it. All I heard as I went back upstairs, was my son whisper with sincere concern to my wife, why dad was teary-eyed over not getting the last piece.

 

Now that was one time I was pissed my kid ate first!

 

Hawk

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Now that's just not right. Behavior like that is on a completely different level. Should not be allowed. Can very well understand your tears in that regard. Think we as parents should be careful not to let our children come to the conclusion that they can just take what they want with no regards to others. It's a fine line. On the one side we do not want them to feel unloved, but spoiling is just as the word says, spoil. Hope this was a once off deal and not repetitive, otherwise there should be a talking to.

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