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Silverset1987

A man much older than myself who is with a partner made a lot of physical contact with me more than what I was comfortable with

14 posts in this topic

A guy much older than me who could be married on a course I am on made a lot more physical contact with me than what I felt comfortable with.

I agreed to go and have a coffee with him and he put his hands on my head twice when I was talking about head massages after I said what I liked (with no intention for him to put his hand on me). He then told me how stunning my eyes looked and before we separated he hugged me and then kissed me on the cheek (I didnt expect) in public. I felt really uncomfortable and humiliated.

I felt really uncomfortable and told my teacher about what happened as I wanted to share how uncomfortable I feel around him but now I feel bad for bringing it up. :( I feel so stupid for saying anything.

Im in class and just want to avoid him now I feel he went over my boundaries big time. he also wants to meet up again for a drink.

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If you feel uncomfortable, then you need to tell him that. And if you no longer want to go have coffee with this fellow, then don't. 

Don't do anything that you are not comfortable with, and feel safe doing. 

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i really think people need to start saying no more. 

be straight with him. tell him you dont want to. and if you want, just be friends. tbf you probably shouldnt have gone for coffee with him in the first place.

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Some people confuse signals and some regardless of age are just plain perverts. You didn't nothing wrong. The only thing that will repair this is a firm boundary.

Padre J Roulston likes this

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I disagree Max, some people do confuse signals, ive been friends with a lot of guys who seemed to think there was more than just friendship, when told no, they go off and sulk, never to be friends again. 

But i think by going for coffee with him he expected more. and honestly i wouldnt blame him for that. Unless there was a reason for the coffee, like discussing a project your working on together etc, then you really cant blame him for thinking it was a date like situation.

Granted he shouldn't have put hands on you if you said no. I think its probably a lesson reading situations, if it were me, i would have anticipated a move and positioned myself to dodge it. 

I get that you feel humiliated, and youve explained to your tutor so they might help you in avoiding him.

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hey I couldnt reply  earlier struggle to find the right webpage for the site on my phone.

I do keep trying to avoid him and he knows I havent been like my usual self.

I do feel he is trying to latch onto me a lot and when in class and people have to find one person to work with he focused on me for quite a while.

I really feel he has overstepped my boundaries and I want to try and pluck up the courage to tell him, which I think he would appreciate. I still feel confused in making sense what his true intentions are but if I had a partner who behaved that way to someone else I wouldnt be happy.

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Is it all about the fact that he MAY be married? You seem to mention that a lot considering you don't even know. Ask him if he is married or dating someone, and if he says yes tell him you feel it was very inappropriate for him to hug and kiss you. And by the way stay the fuck away from me asshole. 

Really though when you went to coffee with him he probably is thinking it was a date.. of course he gets a hug and a kiss. Can't wait to see what he gets on the third date is what he is wondering. Yeah you need to straighten him out, tell him you think he is a psycho and were just trying to be kind when you had coffee. Don't try to be nice, he will think you are just playing hard to get. Stay the eff away a hole leaves no doubt in his mind.

 

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I don't think he did anything wrong in particular. Unless he kept doing it when you told him not to. If you're not comfortable with him touching you that's okay and he should think it's okay too. i can relate a little, because if someone touched me randomly while talking about head massages, i might be caught off guard. I can see how it might make you feel uncomfortable and he should respect that. maybe tell him to ask if he can next time so he doesn't surprise you? or tell him you'll let him know when you're comfortable enough to get more touchy feely?

i think if i agreed to go have coffee with a guy tho and he started touching me, any uncomfortable feelings i have would be from about to have a new experience. It's not the same uncomfortable you're talking about though. that kind of uncomfortable should be expressed and respected. 

i think it's his responsibility to abide by the agreements made in any current relationship he may be in not yours. 

you have to decide how comfortable you are messing around with a guy and being on the side like that or not.

if you're not just let him know. maybe tell him you were just going with him to coffee as a friend?

you home wrecker you!  lol ;) (joke joke)

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Maybe I'm old fashioned, but touching someone without permission on a first date seems douchey to me.   I'm a person who likes firm physical boundaries and for a lot of communication when it comes to touching.  I like to know why someone is touching me and where the touching is going.  That's me.  And I think many people are like that, in fact, and people who aren't like that should realize and respect that, and only touch when it's clear (or said with words) that the other person wants to be touched.  

 

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