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Guest John.David.Darling

Asking A Girl's Father's Blessing: Old-Fashioned & Sexist or Not?

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Am I wrong to think that asking a girl's parents for their blessing (or father/mother in cases where they are either divorced, separated, or is a widower/widow) (after you have proposed to her) is a show of respect and human decency? From an earlier Facebook conversation, apparently, it's looked at as sexist these days. Things that were pointed out were: a.) Your girlfriend/fiancee can make her own damn decision, b.) She is not her father's property, and c.) You're marrying her, not her family.
Am I just too old-fashioned for this generation?

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Ultimately it has nothing to do with her family. The decision is hers. That said I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for her parent's blessing. At the very least (assuming they say yes) it will help ease tensions with the in-laws. 

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My brother in law asked my dad for permission.  I think my dad was impressed by that.  All in all, I don't really think it matters.  I don't think doing that makes you sexist, that's just silly.  

I would just ask yourself why you're doing it.  If they say "no" are you gonna abide by that?  And if not, why are you really asking?  As a token of respect?  I guess that's nice and some people do like that.  

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Its old fashioned and sexist. I wouldnt be happy if my bf did ask my dad. I dont need his permission and he hates any guy i date anyway. his choice is be happy or leave me be

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I think what my brother is asking is about a "blessing", not "permission", which does have a really huge difference. What is chauvinistic is the LATTER, while I think the FORMER is a sweet gesture of respect. I've heard far too many stories of in-laws not getting along. So it is good to start on the right foot.

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2 hours ago, Guest MikeyDarling said:

I think what my brother is asking is about a "blessing", not "permission", which does have a really huge difference. What is chauvinistic is the LATTER, while I think the FORMER is a sweet gesture of respect. I've heard far too many stories of in-laws not getting along. So it is good to start on the right foot.

That is a good distinction to make.  Though asking for a blessing means something to SOME people and not to everyone.  My dad is an old-fashioned (and probably a bit sexist, if I'm being honest) person.  He appreciate tradition and people paying him respect when they do things.  He's all about that kind of thing.  Other people probably don't care.  

IT's really just what makes sense for your situation.  Probably best to talk about it with the girl first, in case she gets offended.  

Padre J Roulston likes this

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I think it's kind of a bonding thing. My son in law asked me for permission to marry my daughter, but if I had said "hell no" it wouldn't have deterred him. It's just a kind of way to let someone know you are buying a ring or about to buy a ring or whatever. It's a way of letting the dad in on the "secret" before it actually happens. I thought it was cool. 

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