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Life and depression is ruining my relationship

3 posts in this topic

I am so lost and can't seem to be okay. 


Long story short...

At the beginning of the year, I lost my mother on my birthday. I have been numb to it on and off. I just try to shut it out of my head. My boyfriend tried to be here for me but with my depression becoming worse, he didn't know how to. He helped me get signed up for a therapist and see a doctor. I haven't started therapy yet and I really need to cuz I feel like I'm losing it...

 Then a month ago, a tornado took out my boyfriends house. Nothing could be saved. I tried to gather as many donations I could get to help him out. I'm trying to be here for him and his family but he is constantly shutting me out. He has started being really mean towards me.. it is now to the point where he won't answer the phone or any texts.. When I do see him, he is never in a good mood and tells me how annoying I am when I am in a bubbly happy mood. I've noticed even towards his mom he is in a bad mood. He has quit his job and barely leaves his hotel room. He has fallen into a depression, which is completely understandable. Today, he finally answered the phone and he didn't have anything nice to say. He told me I needed to be free of him and walk away. He feels nothing is going to get better and he doesn't want to continually drag me down with him. 

This really hurts me because I love him so deep. I can't imagine life without him. He used to say we were soulmates and now he won't even look at me.  He's the only person I have since my mom has passed. I literally feel like I can't take anymore. I just want to be okay... I don't know what to do, I'm so lost and hurt. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. 
How can I support him?
How can this relationship be turned around? 

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Take his favourite food round to the hotel room and chat openly and honestly, be there for him, understand where he's at and dont make it about you, and the relationship.

He probably needs someone to talk to, not pressurize him

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I am sorry for your loss.

As for your boyfriend, I think the best thing you can do is focus on working through your pain. I've always believed that you don't have as much to give to others if things are not well in your life. Your goal should be to have an independent relationship that reinforces fortifies one another, rather than a co-dependency that drags each other down.

I would give him a little space and focus on your mental health and let him reach out to you when he is ready. Forcing the issue before he is, can only end badly.

Good luck,


Sherlock likes this

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