Chatbox
    You don't have permission to chat.
    Load More
Guest tuan

friends

9 posts in this topic

I can never maintain a relationships, mostly friendships.

Almost all of my friends at one point I have lost, for some reason I always either find them to be jealous, annoying or I feel like Im being used by them and I get really angry and paranoid.

i feel like I'm a very private person. i keep alot of things to myself which in turn effects having friends who are close to me, cos they want to share and I'm closed off.

i had one or two friends that have been close to me over the years but since of late I have lost them too for the same reasons mentioned above. even when i go out and in a crowd I am silent, i dont have anything interesting to say or I'm just bored. but i was not always this way. back in school i was one of the popular kids and has so many friends and admirers.

so i find myself alone always. caught up in abusive relationships with men that i know deep down from the start are not right for me. but i hang on to them cos if they leave too I will have absolutely nobody. now we are very near a breakup and he might stop talking to me after.my close friends abandoned me cos they have had enough of listening to my drama, leaving me with zero friends now.

I'm usually close to my family but recently i had a fight with them too..each one of them..i was so heartbroken..if i dont have my own family ?? I feel that if not for my parents there is no one for me, and one day when they are gone I wil not know what to do with my self. this is rock bottom for me. i feel sad and depressed but there is no one  i can talk to

i have not found work yet and at the edge of giving up looking for it. am i such  terrible person that no one wants me around?

is there anyway out of this

Share this post


Link to post

More likely than not, your family will be there for you no matter what at the end of the day: Cling to that.

 

As far as the other stuff: Fear of being alone is no excuse for getting into an abusive relationship.  When you do that, you're not just hurting yourself, you're enabling the abuser.  If an abusive guy is willing to get in a rel with, there is bound to be a good guy who is too.  They're out there, wait it out, look for them.

I find it incredibly difficult to make friends myself, for the same reasons: I don't know what to say, I find it hard to read body language and pick up on social cues, and I get bored and/or exhausted if I'm out in a crowd for too long, it's like constant stream of stress to me.  The best way for an introvert to make friends is to try and do it around a hobby.  That's honestly the only way I've been able to keep any friends at all, and I don't really have any close friends.  The couple I've had in my life have faded away for one reason or another.   

Just because you don't have friends, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.  Movies and pop culture want you to think that everyone has friends and that everyone is constantly in this orgy of friendship and that relationships are the tough thing.  It doesn't really work that way.  There are lots of friendless people out there.  It's really a personality thing more than anything else.  

Share this post


Link to post

how do you deal with the loneliness? the terrible void of knowing that you dont have any friends? it breaks down my confidence even more which makes me withdraw leading to lesser chances of going out and connecting. its a vicious cycle i am in

my relationship wont progress either, i dont want to end up with him cos i know he is abusive but i dont want him to go then i will be alone..im committing a sin of wasting his life/?? 

Share this post


Link to post

To answer the last question first, no.  But you should break up with him because you don't like him.  You shouldn't date people you don't like.  It's not good for either of you.  Leave him and that way you'll be open to other, better relationships.

Dealing with loneliness means finding ways to distract yourself: Hobbies.  You need to find something to be interested in.  

What I started doing is using this site called meetup.com.  I search for invents centered around my interests and I attend.  I meet and talk to people.  I don't always perform the best socially but it gets me out and makes me have to socialize and exercising those social muscles, so to speak.  If you start going to the same meetup regularly you end up friends by association.  

Share this post


Link to post

I'm ok with being alone now. Not sure if its better or worse but I don't cry anymore on a saturday night, I cherish my alone time instead.  People don't like me and I accept that. I have no choice, otherwise it would make me miserable. 

I'm not saying people don't like you, but you can't stick around people just because they are all you have. Would you really rather be abused than be alone?

Share this post


Link to post

I think she's already decided she would rather be in a 'abusive relationship'than have nothing at all, Nix. 

I find this post so sad and disheartening that you would choose such a thing,however loneliness can be soul destroying so I empathise with you. The world Is full of lonely people who would kill to you have your company.  

What exactly are you searching for a friend or a Partner?Either way admitting ones own faults is the first step to happiness. It might sound cliche but I think your depressed and that's the reason no one entertains you. When you project a negative image people tend to notice and stay clear. There are groups you could join ,or try to do some voluntary work and gradually get to know people. 

 

I do do think you need a second opinion(medical) None of us are Doctors here and although we try our hardest to help,a Doctors advice would be a better option. Either way I do hope your ok and your future becomes a lot brighter.x

Share this post


Link to post

I do think I am depressed sometimes. I talk about the same thing to everyone. i feel that i have trouble getting over my past relationships, romantic and friendships.i notice that even though i come across new ppl, somehow the conversation turns around to me going on about my broken relationships and what/ who did what to me.

I guess i am looking for someone to sympathise with me? make me feel better?

my partner, could be labeled abusive as in how he is mean to me sometimes. he says i am negative, which i am. but i want him to know how i feel.

I notice I become so possessive over my relationships, and try to keep them all to myself. i dont want them to have other friends. its weird but i feel that if they leave me i will have no one else, ultimately they leave anyway. 

why wont my friends try to make me feel better, instead they disappear.

i come across them and how they are now. friendships that ended many years ago for various reasons. they have moved on with their lives, made new friends/lovers. and i am in the same place. sad and lonely still talking about and stressing over how coldly i was left behind by my once very close friends. i relive it all the time.

 

i use to be so creative, and had a colourful life, now i am a shell.

i dont want medications from a doctor. i try hard to move on from my past but always find myself coming back.I use to know a girl , she was always the magnet of so many friends. it was something about her, that wherever she went, she made so many friends effortlessly. and noticed that all they wanted to do was just hang out with her and talk. but ppl who really knew her knew that she was the most manipulative person on the planet. yet she had a million friends who adored her company, and she would use them to her benefit.

i dont see myself as a bad person. yet can't hold a relationship.  why

Share this post


Link to post

The problem is you're relying on other people to feel better. Even if there were people that gave you the sympathy you crave, it would only be a shallow and temporary patch. You need to figure out how to get to a good - or at least neutral - place on your own. Anything above that will be a bonus, to be cherished.

First, don't fight the loneliness. It will always be lurking in the background. It's a mechanism built into all humans. Since we're social animals and have to rely on the group to survive, it's like an alarm system to ensure we don't accidentally die by going off alone. Of course, now we live in cities and could survive without significant social interaction quite well, but evolution hasn't caught up yet. Unfortunately, it's a bit too sensitive for our individualistic culture!

Start by listening to people and asking them questions rather than talking about yourself. Try to show empathy: it's way better than sympathy, sympathy is too close to pity, whereas empathy is more like appreciating the fact that yours is not the only valid viewpoint out there (and it makes you feel like a good Samaritan). This will help you care about other people's wellbeing, which should be gratifying enough to get you out of your rut! Also, if you stop caring only about yourself you'll be much more agreeable and people will like being your friend. Win win.

Another thing, stop comparing your life to other people's. Compare yourself only to your past self and always aim for growth - you're never finished learning new things about yourself and the world. The moment you stop learning is when you close off your mind and risk becoming bitter.

Get rid of the bad relationship. Or at least take a break from it. I noticed in my personal life, whenever I'm in a relationship I spend way less time with friends, no matter if it's a good or bad relationship. Maybe you're the same. Is a bad relationship worth giving up time you could be spending with potential friends? Time you could use to learn empathy and pick up new hobbies?

Share this post


Link to post
Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Loading...