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Guest Danielle

What's the age for marriage

7 posts in this topic

I'm 30 years old and freshly out of a relationship.

eveyone around me is married with kids which includes my friends and cousins.

but I am newly single and 30 years old

does my age make it harder to settle down? 

Should I be worried?

it has created a new sense of stress in my life and I'm not sure how to handle it

my parents don't seem to worry too much about it

but when ppl ask me I feel bad,sad?? Like a loser?

when should a girl start looking for marriage? When is it too late?

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No you should not be worried, nor should you feel like a loser. 

I know couples who met in their fifties and only then got married. I know of people much older than that getting married as well. 

My personal opinion on dating is that the purpose of dating is to find the one.... to lead to marriage. So my advice is stop worrying, start casually looking for dates, but keep in mind the end goal. If the fellow you date isn't the one, move on. If he might be the one, then set up another date, and go from there. 

Don't worry about when you will get married, just try to find the right one to get married to. :)

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I know how you feel, I'm nearing 30 and never had a serious relationship and I don't want to get married.  That doesn't stop me feeling bad about myself like I should be getting married and having kids. Just like everyone around me.

As long as you're happy it really doesn't matter. Other people shouldn't affect how you feel about yourself.

Padre J Roulston likes this

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In 2017, I think its pretty common to marry into your 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. Your point of view may be skewed because you are noticing your married friends, but trust me the world has never been so full of singles in mid-life.

My view is skewed the other way, got married young and had kids and now its seems like all my university friends are just having kids now, while my son goes to university next year - lol.

It's all relative, just keep hope and don't worry.


Padre J Roulston likes this

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It is better to marry later than sooner--within practical limits, of course.    If I lived to be 120, and were single, I would never remarry at that time.   But at 30 you are still at a young age.   However, as you approach 40, your "biological clock" will be ticking quite loudly.   I have, Danielle, seen otherwise logical and practical women go absolutely nuts as they approached 40--they were ready to have a child with Osama bin Laden because they were so desperate to have a kid.  

One piece of advice I would give you is this:   don't waste time on relationships that are going nowhere.   If you are dating for two years and the guy has no interest in marriage, you need to drop him--no matter how "comfortable" you may be in the relationship.   We don't have a  lifespan of 10,000 years--we have about 8/10 of a century.   I have seen women waste the best years of their life in relationships that were going nowhere.  

You do need to know that your standards will start to drop after age 35--you will be heeding your biological clock over your sense of logic--kind of like the Vulcan "pon-farr" (remember Star Trek?).  

So, yes, be open to new relationships, and be very, very selective in the men you date--and retain.   You don't want to jump into anything, but then you don't have forever, either.   

Remember, also, that the men of your generation have less proclivity for commitments than the men of previous generations.   They are less inclined to marry--most came from broken families.   And, I hate to say it--but it's true--American women have pretty much trashed the institution of marriage.   They institute 67% of divorces, and the courts still favor them over men in martial and child custody matters.   So men have also been disincentivized to marry.   Too many American women want to compete against their husbands, and most of them show little appreciation or respect.   They feel they can behave badly, because if everything goes south, the courts are still on their side.    That's not just my opinion--it's also my wife's.   

So, dear Danielle, be open and focus on the good guys.   Don't give any of the bad guys a second look.   There is someone out there for you--an eagle to soar with if you can just distance yourself from the turkeys.

Padre J Roulston likes this

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