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wil

Choosing love - your experience?

8 posts in this topic

Hello all,

Took me awhile to re-find this website. Looks like it's had a bit of a makeover.

Who would like to share with me their personal experiences making a difficult decision of deciding whether someone was right or not right for you?

To clarify - this is making a decision to pursue a relationship with someone, not a decision whether to stay with or leave someone.

I'd like to know why the decision was difficult, what factors you took into account to help with your decision, and whether it worked or didn't work out.

I thought about sharing my own conundrum, but I think the question framed in this way will help me with the pickle I'm in ^_^.

Thanks in advance for your time and sharing.

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Its hard to say, I have never been in that situation.

But I would imagine circumstances would play a big part, distance, moving away, and if someone else was involved would deter me.

Other questions I would ask is would working hours get in the way of spending time together? Are our interests and future goals aligned? 

Padre J Roulston likes this

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Hi Wil,

I have found when faced with a tough decision about pursuing a relationship I ask myself which is the lesser evil. That might have me walk away depending on what else I have going on, or it might have me jump in as the risk of being hurt or sacrificing might be lesser than the price of never knowing.

I've walked away from a few, and it was the right decision but I am a firm believer that we often know what we can't live without sometimes sooner than we identify what we want.

Close you eyes and imagine life without that person, or that person in a relationship with someone else. If you can't bear it, you may want to question why that is and how much you are willing to sacrifice for that?

Good luck,

Hawk

 

Padre J Roulston likes this

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The one person I envisioned spending my life with,sadly passed away so I know to well what a broken heart feels like. We shared 31 wonderful years together. There's not a day goes by that I don't think about him..

However I've found myself in a new relationship. This one was totally unexpected. We've both been online friends for 8 years,we've had lots of banter along the way . Neither of us were interested (sexually) we were both spoken for and had no intention of cheating on our (Partners) but neither of us saw this coming..You could say it's destiny. Fate even. I think if things are meant to be,one way or another you will be together.  

What sacrifices did I make you may well wonder. Well for one I chose to grab any kind of happiness that was on offer. I chose to live. In doing so I nearly lost my family. I've lost friends whom I've known for many years, Because I'm a Widow I'm no longer considered "on the market" I should mourn my Husbands death and follow whatever rules apply to Widowhood.

Do I think I've done the right thing by finding love once more? Hell yes! If it's destiny/fate you embrace it no matter what bs stands in the way. X

 

 

Nix likes this

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What I have learned is to follow heart. The head usually just gets in the way. The heart knows things the mind cannot comprehend. 

It wont make sense in the beginning. Thus it can be discouraging when things change and plans fall to pieces. But.. when we do let our guides guide us, and we follow heart, wonderful things unfold. 

Padre J Roulston likes this

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For me personally, I have more walls than the tower of London, so I would just shut it down and forget about it.

But then again, I'm weird and prefer being single :)

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Thank you everyone for your input. Definitely sage advice.

I listened to my heart and it told me I cared a lot about this person, but that I'd be settling for them if I jumped into a relationship. We would've been 'happy' with each other, but nothing more. And I think everyone wants to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they're the best thing since sliced bread, not just 'a really nice person'. 

I've now met someone who definitely seems to be the wonderful unicorn I've been looking for, and I feel confident I made the right decision.

Wish me luck!

Nix and Padre J Roulston like this

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